The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#181

Post by retrac » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:58 PM UTC

pjc50 wrote: post #164

JKCalhoun wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All I can think: turn off the internet. Internet in the morning. Have your coffee, catch up on the news, your social. Then put the internet down for the rest of the day. Go out, ride a bike with a friend, go hike with a friend, go to a coffee shop, library....

> go to a coffee shop, library.... Don't forget your mask. The pandemic is still on.

Not entirely sure why you're downvoted. I'm nearly deaf and I fully rely on lipreading. I've basically concluded I will have no social interactions in public until masks go away. I can't even make it through checkout sometimes without frustrating others. No one has the patience to try and bother to communicate with barriers. I can't count the number of times someone has finally screamed "never mind!" and made shooing gestures. Even the bus scares me. It's very hard to tell someone's emotional state both unable to see their face or hear them. I worry about being assaulted.

I know hearing people experience a mild version of the above. It's the most visible aspect of how the pandemic of virus has led to the pandemic of loneliness.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#182

Post by long_time_gone » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 4:59 PM UTC

basisword wrote: post #119

panaffa wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Back in the 60s, people were buying homes in their early 20s or even late teens because it was that affordable. Obviously that is a bit of a historical anomaly, but it's almost a necessary complement to the idea you're supposed to become an adult and mature and grow up after age 18.

They also had things a lot harder in many ways than we do. The 60’s is over 50 years ago now. The world changes a lot in that time. Basing your expectations on the 60’s is unrealistic.

> Basing your expectations on the 60’s is unrealistic.

We use historical standards to measure progress all the time. The thing we should be exploring is "why has home ownership become so expensive?" and "what can be done to alleviate that impact?" Anything else is a distraction.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#183

Post by dionidium » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:11 PM UTC

gonehome wrote: post #180

dionidium wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When was having a partner a precondition for buying a home? When you make an offer on a house you're bidding against two-earner households. For a lot of us in tech the salience of this fact is diminished by the industry's high salaries, but for most folks this is a really big deal.

This is only an issue because of constrained supply driving prices up. If there was more supply, prices would stabilize somewhere lower. Given enough supply that point would be somewhere one income could support. It's the constrained supply paired with high demand that drives prices up and requires multiple high incomes to compete (especially in places where this has been taken to the extremes because of NIMBYism and…

Sure, I'm all-in on YIMBYism, but some places will always be more desirable than others and those places will likely always cost more and all things being equal buyers with two incomes will be more likely to be able to afford those houses.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#184

Post by dionidium » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:12 PM UTC

dominotw wrote: post #163

dionidium wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When was having a partner a precondition for buying a home? When you make an offer on a house you're bidding against two-earner households. For a lot of us in tech the salience of this fact is diminished by the industry's high salaries, but for most folks this is a really big deal.

> When you make an offer on a house you're bidding against two-earner households. what does that matter aslong as your bank has approved the mortgage. I don't see why seller would care. are you saying that ppl are bidding for mortgages that high that bank needs both of their incomes? wow.

I'm making a far more banal claim: buyers with two incomes have more money than buyers with one income (all things being equal and across large numbers of people) and the latter will always be at a relative disadvantage.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#185

Post by jokoon » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:14 PM UTC

I'm okay with people having their own bedroom, but not their own kitchen and living room.

I will never understand why it's okay to live in places where is possible to have no human contact for weeks.

Individualism sucks, and that was brought to us by the war on communism.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#186

Post by 9530jh9054ven » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:16 PM UTC

0des wrote: post #33

We are victims of our own comfort. It's easier to stay home in our filter bubbles unchallenged. People don't know how to socialize these days, it's easier to flick idly through facebook. Awkward conversations with strangers don't happen anymore, because the second a familiar conversation with the bartender ends, everyone reaches into their pockets and retreats back into their digital security blankets. Try having a c…

>Try having a conversation with someone, and count how many seconds it takes for them to pull out their phone, and instead of correcting them on it, just talk babble and watch as they scroll. There is no intent in the scroll, it is just idle time and a slow drip of stimulus to the frontal lobes.

Doesn't that just mean that they're not engaged with the topic currently or the speaker if they're so uninterested that they would prefer to pull out their phone?

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#187

Post by b3morales » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:21 PM UTC

SQueeeeeL wrote: post #57

jollybean wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sympathetic to the later part, but first part not what they want. They want the dynamism of being able to change jobs and careers, they all want the opportunity for career progression which for the most part isn't there (it's always been competitive). That means more risk and all the things that come along with it. I think even 'remote work' will have a serious of consequences we're not ready to accept, which is…

https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_why_good_leaders_make_... This talk really changed my thought process on careers. Basically every corporation in America is fundamentally unstable to work for, where you COULD be laid off for essentially arbitrary fiscal goals. That instability makes it impossible to trust your leaders (i.e. the company) to actually support you. As long as the people who pay your salary don't thi…

This coupled with the fact in tech at least that the easiest way to get a raise -- and usually a substantial one -- is to switch to a new company. If a person can either: spend a year genuflecting and begging their manager for a single-digit raise*, or spend three weeks interviewing and get 15%-plus more to do substantially the same work...all else being equal, which should we pick?

*Not to complain about 5%. For the vast majority of workers that's an unattainable dream -- but that just furthers the point that the worker is not treated as an asset.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#188

Post by paul7986 » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:22 PM UTC

Anyone else find dating to be different in the pandemic ... like it's harder to connect with people then before?

Dating was never real easy for me, but wow since Dec 2020 to now ive went on 20 to 30 dates to new friend meetups (bumble bff) and really nothing materialized. I've even started talking about it with recent dates (since Sept) and meetups cause they bring it up themselves.

I thought it was my age which is a factor for sure but those expressing the same sentiment are 15 to 20 years younger then myself. I'm in my mid 40s. Even though we express the same struggle no connection is made (IDK).

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#189

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:25 PM UTC

eldaisfish wrote: post #154

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally I never understood it as disrespectful, because I assume they’ve got some personal shit they might not be able to be uncontactable for. What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? And most certainly they’re not going to tell me and frankly I’m not enti…

there was a time before people were reachable 24/7 and at no point in that time did the world or people's lives collapse.

Sure, but we’re not in those times anymore. It’s weird to be like “I’m dating someone so I choose not to pick up it I miss a call from my ailing mother”.

Re: The pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness

#190

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Tue, Dec 07, 2021, 5:25 PM UTC

rocketbop wrote: post #142

SamoyedFurFluff wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally I never understood it as disrespectful, because I assume they’ve got some personal shit they might not be able to be uncontactable for. What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? And most certainly they’re not going to tell me and frankly I’m not enti…

> What if someone they know is in the hospital or they’re in some other high priority issue? What if a close friend of theirs is in a tenuous health position? What if they’re checking on their children? Even if any or all of that is true you can still put your phone away. If it's an emergency someone will call you.

It’s also possible you miss a call, so if you check your notifications you’ll see you did. Again, I think this is all super judge mental over something that frankly isn’t my business.