The downside might be that when you are aware of this, it may create a prejudice when meeting new people. Somehow I know (or think I know) that most people won't meet my interests to settle a common ground. It's not that my interests are better , it's just I am not into common things like TV shows, politics, sports, religion, etc. This keeps me from talking to people except those who I already know (perhaps from a ti…
To be fair, I am into TV shows politics sports and religion and have a hard time finding people who are thinking about and discussing these things in a way that I appreciate.
I once attended a talk by a man who was head of a creative marketing agency. He also had a side gig of being a presentation consultant. I forget his name and agency, but I don't think I could forget what he said. He would lead his company's pitches to new clients, and would turn up to the presentation wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops; tattoos all over his arms and neck, and thereby set the expectations of th…
This technique can also work from a status perspective. When someone is playing by all the rules, you assume they are doing their best to cement their status. When someone bucks the norm, you create at least two potential thoughts in people’s minds: 1) this person lacks status or 2) this person’s status is so high they don’t need to conform.
People who dance to the beat of their own drum rather than conforming automatically, garner a lot more respect from me. Otoh, people who are rebel against the "norm" just to be edgy are very obvious and are a detriment to their credibility on the onset.
I couldn't care less if someone's wearing shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt to give a presentation if they obviously know what they're talking about.
Wear what's comfortable, with some respect to common decency - wearing a speedo to give a presentation on a JS library probably won't warrant a great response (though I'm sure stranger things have happened).
nah, people like us just value different things. I can tell you I grew up extremely poor, to the point of homelessness, and if you think for a second I give a shit what bob thinks of me, you're wrong. Those sorts of experiences give you a different perspective. It's one of the major reasons why I've situated my life in such a way that these same people's disapproval isn't going to affect me. In fact, I had a company…
We all value different things, but we all have the same core needs that make us value security. Food, water, shelter. In my head right now I cant think of one status signifier that doesn't also signify security. Gold toilets included.
absolutely not. You do not need to display security to have it, that's a large part of what I meant when I said people like us value different things.
I once attended a talk by a man who was head of a creative marketing agency. He also had a side gig of being a presentation consultant. I forget his name and agency, but I don't think I could forget what he said. He would lead his company's pitches to new clients, and would turn up to the presentation wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops; tattoos all over his arms and neck, and thereby set the expectations of th…
This technique can also work from a status perspective. When someone is playing by all the rules, you assume they are doing their best to cement their status. When someone bucks the norm, you create at least two potential thoughts in people’s minds: 1) this person lacks status or 2) this person’s status is so high they don’t need to conform.
Or 3) I think this person is desperate to be seen as an outsider/counter-culture/outside-the-box-thinker, which they think will improve their status.
I once attended a talk by a man who was head of a creative marketing agency. He also had a side gig of being a presentation consultant. I forget his name and agency, but I don't think I could forget what he said. He would lead his company's pitches to new clients, and would turn up to the presentation wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops; tattoos all over his arms and neck, and thereby set the expectations of th…
> Setting expectations low, and then making them feel foolish for misjudging you. It's a risky game. People tend to make their first impressions within seconds, and then spend the rest of the time looking for evidence to validate that assumption.
Thats why its met with "varied success" I think, because impressions at the end will be polarized. The wins are from when he successfully breaks the first-impression barrier. If you are able to convert their impression of you then you are at a significant advantage because they are now fully disarmed.
We all value different things, but we all have the same core needs that make us value security. Food, water, shelter. In my head right now I cant think of one status signifier that doesn't also signify security. Gold toilets included.
absolutely not. You do not need to display security to have it, that's a large part of what I meant when I said people like us value different things. https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Amer...
Well none of us have eternal security. Money is just a buffer. Network is a part of it. Health is apart of it. Education is a part of it. Network and health and education are hide things to hide when living your life, but they are signals of security and that one can afford to invest time, effort and money into them.
If you met these millionaires next door, they signal this security in many different ways outside of material wealth.
Status only matters if the other party cares about it. The ultimate status game is truly showing that you don’t care that the other person is X, has done X, their dad/uncle is X, wants you to think X but rather are dealing with the person in front of you right then and there and what they are able to bring to the table at that time. The reverse is incredibly powerful too. Those that have been most impressive to me th…
“ Thereupon many statesmen and philosophers came to Alexander with their congratulations, and he expected that Diogenes of Sinope also, who was tarrying in Corinth, would do likewise. But since that philosopher took not the slightest notice of Alexander, and continued to enjoy his leisure in the suburb Craneion, Alexander went in person to see him; and he found him lying in the sun. Diogenes raised himself up a little when he saw so many people coming towards him, and fixed his eyes upon Alexander. And when that monarch addressed him with greetings, and asked if he wanted anything, "Yes," said Diogenes, "stand a little out of my sun."[7] It is said that Alexander was so struck by this, and admired so much the haughtiness and grandeur of the man who had nothing but scorn for him, that he said to his followers, who were laughing and jesting about the philosopher as they went away, "But truly, if I were not Alexander, I wish I were Diogenes." and Diogenes replied "If I wasn't Diogenes, I would be wishing to be Diogenes too.”
Not really. As a shy person, I've been playing it my whole life. For some reason, people meet me and assume... I dunno, that I'm just someone who can be swept aside. I let them believe that. But I'm a lot more capable than people give me credit for being, and I'll be honest, a part of me enjoys it when that realization starts to set in. It's not really a machiavellian ploy on my part to optimize some kind of social o…
You may be interested in this article then: http://www.thedistilledman.com/how-introverted-men-attract-w... (How an introverted man can attract women naturally). I found it interesting but haven't tried it in practice yet. The article argues 99% of dating advice on the net is written for extroverts and people who want to be like extroverts.
Thanks for sharing. If you enjoyed this, you will probably also enjoy Models by Mark Manson. I’m only 1/3 of the way through, but the topic of focusing on your strengths rather than changing yourself is a theme throughout the book.
Another "more advanced game" is the collaboration game. In this game, the players determine their common ground. The players evaluate each other and think, "Hey this person seems to be good at X and knows a lot about Y. I know a lot about Z. Maybe we can join forces." They then identify common goals that they can work on together. I don't know about most people, but I'm definitely more interested in playing the colla…
The fantastic part about the collaboration game is that people who are into it are people who are around to get things done. You can all share that core tenant, and it can remind you of what is important along the road. I’ve found that drama really gets cut down or eliminated in these types of groups as well.