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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#181

Post by maedayx »

vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I just have a list of people that matter to me, and make sure to text or call each of them every couple weeks or so to see what's up. And I have their birthdays next to their names :)

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#182

Post by joncrane »

Steven_Vellon wrote: post #89
haolez wrote: post #66

In LinkedIn, I get the opposite feeling. It seems that a lot of people spend a considerable amount of energy pumping their profiles with lots of achievements, professional photos and blog posts, but it feels like everybody is talking to themselves. Nobody cares.

Do people actually interact with each other over LinkedIn? The only people I've every talked to are recruiters. I thought it was just a directory of potential employees for recruiters. If people actually do social things on LinkedIn then that's news for me.

There is a very small subset of people who do.

There's also companies who are posting things like "Hey we won some irrelevant award yay us." Or more likely, employees posting this about their own as a public signal that they are "all in" on "company."

It's mostly for signalling for especially aspirational people. But generally speaking, 99% of the utility of LinkedIn is to have a public resume so recruiters can find you. At least in my case.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#183

Post by tyfon »

Swizec wrote: post #120
tyfon wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. I have not had this issue since quitting facebook around 2011. But then again I have clearly notified those people that are actually my friends that if they want to include me they need to call or email or something like that. Nobody has issues with that and fully understand my desire to stay aw…

> If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. And they think the same of you. If their preferred method of communication is Facebook message, are you really a friend if you don’t care?

If they think the same of me then so be it. We are obviously not compatible then.

For information I still have the same set of core friends from elementary school so it has not stopped anyone that I actually care about from contacting me.

Edit: and yes as the a side comment here suggest I do not say this in a patronising way, I just explain why I am not on facebook and that there are other ways to contact me.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#184

Post by vonseel »

mnm1 wrote: post #140
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I'd argue those people that are too lazy/inconsiderate/uncaring to not invite people who are not on FB are not friends at all. It takes a few seconds to text/email someone, sometimes even less if you text/email a whole group at a time. Expecting people to give up their privacy and use an addictive surveillance platform just so they don't miss out on parties and other events, is way too much to ask of anyone. This is…

Oh I'd argue the same, but I have friends who I have known for my entire life that I would consider brothers who can't even be bothered to answer a text message, so you really can't expect the same out of everyone else that you expect out of yourselves. You definitely can't expect them all to see Facebook as an "addictive surveillance program" (even if it is).

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#185

Post by vonseel »

nickstinemates wrote: post #164
vonseel wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I understand your sentiment, I just don't think connecting with most people by phone or in person is actually feasible. I keep direct text groups open to my immediate family members and closest friends, but I rarely text my sister-in-laws, and I almost never directly contact my cousins, aunts, or uncles. It just doesn't make sense to say "why not call them" as a counter-argument when we don't have that kind of…

I completely understand your point. I am perplexed at the value of these 'distant relationships' and question if they're necessary. I have spent a lot of time thinking about that and have no good answer.

They aren't really necessary.

Honestly, if you aren't super worried about privacy, having a FB account just to open when you get curious and want to check in on someone (if they are an active poster) isn't so bad. It's the mindless addictive scrolling that gets me.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#186

Post by vonseel »

ModernMech wrote: post #158
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I don't know how old you are, but I think that what you describe was just the natural course of things before social media, and everyone got through life just fine. Yeah, you lose contact with your old friends, yeah you lose updates from close but not immediate family. But you also start your own family and become way more involved in them. That happened to my grand parents, my parents, and myself. I think the idea t…

I've definitely had a lot of these thoughts before! In a way as life goes on our social networks get smaller but our lives get bigger.. I think the saying goes something like that.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#187

Post by driverdan »

What happened to moderation? You can use social media without being obsessed with it.

If you have problems with self control then take steps to deal with it. Delete phone apps, set specific times when you use social media with limits, and if necessary talk to a mental health professional.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#188

Post by nickstinemates »

vonseel wrote: post #185
nickstinemates wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I completely understand your point. I am perplexed at the value of these 'distant relationships' and question if they're necessary. I have spent a lot of time thinking about that and have no good answer.

They aren't really necessary. Honestly, if you aren't super worried about privacy, having a FB account just to open when you get curious and want to check in on someone (if they are an active poster) isn't so bad. It's the mindless addictive scrolling that gets me.

I tried that for a few years, actually. It made it seem even more pointless.

I held on to the account because I am into competitive Bass Fishing and my clubs only presence was on Facebook.

Since I've left Facebook, I'm no longer in the club and it really hasn't made much of a difference.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#189

Post by wasdfff »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #171
vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

The only thing I regret about not having FB anymore: I don't know when peoples' birthdays are. For the entire history of humanity, we didn't know anything about anyone's lives unless we saw or talked or heard about them. I don't consider it a loss to not know distance acquaintances' life updates...if it's important, I'll hear it from other FB users or from an important friend.

There used to be a way you can populate calendar apps with facebook birthdays. I still have it from a decade ago but I don’t use the site enough anymore to know how to do it again.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#190

Post by biddit »

alteria wrote: post #104
biddit wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I quit completely for several months and came back to it because of your exact line of reasoning - keeping in touch with those at the outskirts of my social circles is valuable to me. However, I'm on the edge of leaving again because moderation is very difficult. The problem with social media is that using it in moderation is an uphill battle against our own nature. It is designed to be addictive. Much like an alcoho…

I don't have a solution for Facebook, since it feels like there's a bit too much garbage on the platform. But for Instagram, I've started fresh following a limited set of close friends and interests. Few enough that I can still participate and get updates about friends and interests without feeling the urge to check multiple times per day. If anything "important" happens to someone I'm not following, my friends are k…

That is a great approach. I'll take a stab at pruning who I'm connected with and see if the experience improves!
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