Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Assholes: A Probing Examination

nomachetejuggling.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 197 posts

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#181

Post by rodhilton »

kazinator wrote: post #42

You know, maybe "asshole" is just a manifestation of "empowerment". You give people a safe environment in which they feel free to voice what they really think without fearing repercussions, and there you go.

I honestly think this kind of hits the nail on the head. The industry (in my opinion) is far too tolerant of asshole behavior for many reasons, and it's basically just created a safe place to be a jerk without any repercussion. I largely wrote up what I did because I'd like to see this change, we should treat rude and annoying behavior the way that most other industries do by making it something we culturally don't accept. The same folks who realized they could be jerks and it wouldn't hurt their careers will simply figure out that now it will and knock it off.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#182

Post by nestorherre »

fasteo wrote: post #108

Offtopic. Slang for "asshole" in Spanish is "capullo" or "gilipollas". Originally, these words described a dumb,candid,innocent person, but nowadays they are used to refer to "smart assholes". "listillo" is another word for "smart asshole" that I like. Literally, it means "little smart person". Diminutive of the word "listo" (smart) "enterao" is yet another word for "smart asshole". It is a contraction of "enterado",…

That's in Spain's spanish, not in America's spanish.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#184

Post by ghostpepper »

mbubb wrote: post #173
harryf wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh and the other thing I didn't see anyone address is teaching "victims" the right Ju-Jitsu for dealing with (intentional) assholes / bullying - the mindset of don't let anyone make you a victim. I had the "good fortune" of having an internship years ago with a tyrant. This person loved publicly shaming the interns, among a whole bunch of other toxic behaviour, continual needling etc. etc. Their life was a mess, marr…

I like this. Recently, I semi-seriously recommended BJJ for a bullying situation. In adolescents, I see BJJ working to help kids calm down and for boys and girls to get along in a time fraught with drama. I followed my boys into BJJ and think it has something to teach adults too. When you are the victim it will make you less intimidated. When you are the asshole it gives a constructive outlet for aggression which whe…

I have been doing BJJ for a few years and while it's not the perfect "ego filter" that some people claim, I have found it extremely effective in teaching coping skills. It's almost been too effective, in the sense that workplace behavior (when directed at me) that is 100% unacceptable often doesn't bother me enough to say anything.

In my experience, once you've spent a few hundred hours having physically larger people literally choke you at full intensity and practicing how to stay calm and methodically turn the tables, very little in the workplace impacts your calm.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#185

Post by mmsimanga »

Udik wrote: post #67
glangdale wrote: post #59

This article is overly fixated on overt assholery. Much of the worst asshole behavior I've encountered has been done by people who are outwardly polite and high functioning and have often never had a cross word for anyone. I would much rather get a tersely worded group email (ooo) than have to do someone else's job for them. Let's be frank. The #1 asshole thing not mentioned here is (shouting and swearing alert) NOT…

> the root of the situation is that (a) someone isn't doing their actual job in a remotely competent way Not really. I've worked with several assholes. They were all extremely assertive, and usually also very competent (but I've found also the utterly incompetent ones). The problem is that even if they're right 95% of the time, the 5% of the times they're wrong they force everybody along the wrong path, because their…

How do you know if assholery is not also wide-spread in other industries. I often swop stories with my sister who works HR in tourism. Our experiences working with people are largely the same. I suspect it's a normal distribution of assholes in all industries.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#186

Post by woodandsteel »

colechristensen wrote: post #77

Hello, my name is Cole and I can be an asshole. The definition posted of an asshole casts a very wide net making discussion difficult. Diversity is important and it isn't just about sex and skin color. People act differently, people have different priorities, confidence varies, life situations outside of work alters behavior as do medical conditions and treatments. Different cultures even in this country value vastly…

"Hello, my name is Cole and I can be an asshole. The definition posted of an asshole casts a very wide net making discussion difficult."

It sounds like you have made a decision to not examine the cases where you have been an asshole and make serious efforts to improve. And a smart organization might decide to get rid of someone like you.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#187

Post by woodandsteel »

marksweston wrote: post #85

> It may seem “unfair” to toy with the idea of losing the assholes, particularly the unintentional assholes. Since they “don’t know better” it seems almost cruel to let them go simply because they’re making everyone around them miserable, and it somehow feels like a smaller request to have 50 people tolerate one asshole’s behavior than to demand one asshole figure out how to not alienate everyone with whom they inter…

>Once you have successfully labelled someone, you should actively fight any tendency towards empathy with them. Don’t bother worrying about whether their behaviour was intentional. Just kick them out. It’s for their own good.

That's not what the article said. It said that first you make clear to them their behavior is unacceptable, and if that doesn't work then get after them every time the exhibit asshole behavior, and only if that doesn't work after months of effort, then fire them.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#188

Post by woodandsteel »

stakhanov wrote: post #61

To me, the definition of an asshole is slightly different. An asshole is someone who acts out every social interaction on the principle of "dominate or be dominated". It's the lack of a middle ground that makes an asshole, so that people can't just go into an interaction being each other's peers, and also finish the interaction with being each other's peers, having been nice and respectful towards each other, preserv…

>To me, the definition of an asshole is slightly different. An asshole is someone who acts out every social interaction on the principle of "dominate or be dominated".

Your definition is complementary to the author's. You are talking about relational motivation, the author about the feelings that are evoked in the person being dominated.

Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination

#190

Post by DFHippie »

olgeni wrote: post #117

I always get the impression that it's "technical assholes" vs. "wise managers who should be brave enough to fire the assholes." In practice: I see lots of assholes in management up to the director level, and the CEO doesn't do anything because they just hired their friends. Then, people just leave. Nobody cares because the issue of "tech assholes" is trendy these days.

I think the issue of assholes winding up in management was covered.
Post reply on HN