Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely • Hacker News Board

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#181

Post by swiley » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:46 PM UTC

abledon wrote: post #127

loblollyboy wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think almost every lonely person considers this, but when you are lonely you might also be depressed and that makes it hard t go meet other ppl because of one or some combo of the following: 1. you feel like nobody would want to associate with your miserable ass 2. you are low on energy from feeling sad and 3. you actually are not interested in anything. Thats what I went through and probably would be going through…

Thing about meetup.com which messes up touches on your point. Even though you may feel down... you get those small 'silces' of energy... even if they are brief.... You need to hit that 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go out and socialize. Feeling pumped? Yeah ! lets do this! goes on meetup.com .... F * the next cool thing is Sept 2. 89 hours away..... 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go socialize fades awa…

Why do a start up? that sounds like it could be done in less than 30 lines of in CGI.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#182

Post by chiefalchemist » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:46 PM UTC

I find the smoking refence in the opening paragraph ironic. I'm what i would call a social smoker. I can smoke and (thus far) not get addicted. But I hardly smoke. It's mainly a "oh...you're going for a smoke...mind if I join you...and bum one..." type of "habit."

It's away to have a brief moment of QT with someone. Taking it a step further, I wonder how much __good__ bacteria used to be exchanged between smokers, that also doesn't happen anymore.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#183

Post by mLuby » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:46 PM UTC

eatorlaef wrote: post #117

I've never had a relationship and I think over 30 it's really hard to find one (especially if you never had one so don't have the "how to experience"). Everyone is either already married, or already divorced with kids, or just out of your league. The married part also has another effect: you won't get invited to a lot of events where people socialize, say a kids birthday party where the parents also come together. Al…

People have relationships at all ages. Not having had one doesn't make it more difficult to find one. That said, making friendly eye contact is pretty essential to socializing; it's a habit you can improve with practice and analysis. Just because hostile, misanthropic media garners the most attention doesn't mean most people aren't friendly or at least polite in person. Good luck! :)

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#184

Post by saudioger » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:48 PM UTC

untog wrote: post #139

saudioger wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.

Surely all of those things indicate a recognition that I'm doing something I should be ashamed of and be hiding? I'd say it indicates a market for someone to make an entirely separate app (or for Bumble to do so).

Eh who knows, personally I don't find any shame it... just trying to be helpful if someone feels like they need to avoid it.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#185

Post by philipodonnell » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:48 PM UTC

androidgirl wrote: post #166

I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation, and taking most college classes online: I have no idea how on Earth I am to socialize with people in the real world. I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. Each day I ride an uber to my dev job, work mostly by myself…

Honestly, try meetup.com, find something you enjoy doing and go do it with other people. Worst case you do something you enjoy doing. Best case you meet people who also enjoy that thing.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#186

Post by swiley » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:48 PM UTC

Torwald wrote: post #179

androidgirl wrote: post #166

I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation, and taking most college classes online: I have no idea how on Earth I am to socialize with people in the real world. I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. Each day I ride an uber to my dev job, work mostly by myself…

> rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange If you decide to not do something just because it feels strange, you will limit your growth in many ways. Everything you haven't done very often feels strange. Step out of your so-called comfort zone, make that a habit.

You do have to be careful with this, There are plenty of things that feel awkward or strange for good reasons.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#187

Post by wolco » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:49 PM UTC

Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

Movies, news, media all push the message bad things happen if you talk to strangers.

It's weird we are told not to trust anyone online but for some reason started using our real names/address/geotagging our events publically.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#188

Post by sp332 » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:50 PM UTC

claydavisss wrote: post #170

sp332 wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Public health crises require coordinated social change.

Go watch the movie The Godfather. Find the part where Don Corleone slaps a crying Johnny Fontaine across the face and yells: "You could be a man!" Watch this as many times as you need to. In the nineteenth century, teenagers were trekking across the continent with young wives and children in tow. Look at where we have arrived: mewling man-children. Go join the Marines.

I don't understand this comment at all. Maybe tone down the imagery a bit and say what you mean? The suicide rate among veterans is about 75% higher than for the general population in the USA.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#189

Post by GiraffeGlove » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:50 PM UTC

Not too long ago I listened to a really great podcast, The Lonely American Man [https://www.npr.org/2018/03/19/594719471/guys-we-have-a-prob...] that I thought really hit the nail on the head for a lot of men I know. Based on societal norms we men tend to lose our ability to make friends as we grow beyond our teens and turn to our female partners to arrange social activity for us.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#190

Post by jimmies » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:51 PM UTC

eatorlaef wrote: post #117

I've never had a relationship and I think over 30 it's really hard to find one (especially if you never had one so don't have the "how to experience"). Everyone is either already married, or already divorced with kids, or just out of your league. The married part also has another effect: you won't get invited to a lot of events where people socialize, say a kids birthday party where the parents also come together. Al…

I've never had a relationship until 25. I had all the bad luck when it comes to genetics and upbringing.

At the time of 25, I just learned to drive and had my first beater 15-year-old car. I made lots of great friends when giving rides to Wal-mart to friends who are fellow international graduate students on that shitty car. I just made up bullshit reasons for me to go to Wal-mart every weekend and asked them if they want to tag along. Many were too shy to bother others, and would totally appreciate someone who would offer them a ride. I sort of became the go-to person when people needed a ride (friendship came with a cost, who would have guessed right?). One day, I was asked to give a student a ride from the airport two hours away because she couldn't ask anyone else to help. We became good friends after the ride I gave her and we developed a great relationship two years after.

There is a lot of stuff like that you can do to help others and maybe help yourself. You can volunteer in a place if you don't know where to begin. When you find yourself to be useful and kind to others, oh strangely, people will see that too.

>less willing to make contact because I always have that thought of what if you are a doing something wrong, you will be accused of something etc.

While some people are a pain in the ass, you will find most to be friendly and understanding when you're genuine. Don't be afraid of stories you read online of judgments and lawsuits. I found myself in a strange situation when I just had nothing to lose and I did many things against the advice to protect myself from being vulnerable and potentially receiving the short end of the stick. I have turned my life around doing just that. While I did indeed occasionally receive the short end of the stick, I have gained so many great friends and stories that totally made it worth it.