Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023) • Hacker News Board

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#171

Post by mirmor23 » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:35 PM UTC

Dreams can come to a sudden halt, and as Walt Lawrence, John Callhan and Mark Zupan have demonstrated, it strengthens the reinvention and creative problem solving muscles.

It's common to hear folks in these situation saying that the "tragedy was the best thing that happened to me"; when I was young, I didn't really believe it, (watching the documentary of Walt Lawrence or reading John Callahan's book 'don't worry, he won't get far on foot'), but now that i am older, i can confirm it is definitely believable :)

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#172

Post by jurgenaut23 » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:41 PM UTC

Fascinating comments on this post. I recommend everyone here to read a lesser known philosopher: Baruch Spinoza. It is one of the greatest thinker of our time, but it is unfortunately not the easiest read you will find in the library. Reminds me in some ways of Penrose’s Road to Reality, which is a life project in and of itself.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#173

Post by lanstin » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:43 PM UTC

jaynetics wrote: post #10

lanstin wrote: post #6

I would love to be a star ship captain in a universe with faster than light travel. Or a surgeon. But you know actual life is good and I do enjoy watching DS9 with my young adult son, Benjamin. And reading about all the other cool things. It is better to live an imperfect experience than just wish for an ideal imagined experience. And better to act wrongly than to be right but do nothing.

Did you name your son after the captain of DS9?

Hard to say - it was never discussed at the time but we did end up on Katherine and Benjamin. From my perspective sort of a happy coincidence - the unconscious is a strong power tho and I wouldn’t argue against someone saying that was the source. Also, of course we wanted flexible names with a lot of different possible nick names, as giving a person you haven’t met a name is kind of a big responsibility without much info.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#174

Post by dominotw » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:43 PM UTC

stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

instead of making peace what about reexamine where the orignal desire for being an amazing athlete came from

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#175

Post by donatj » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:54 PM UTC

justonceokay wrote: post #159

donatj wrote: post #143

I turned 40 the other day. There has been unrelenting reflection on where I am and how I got here. A lot of lament for a small handful of decisions and a life marked by avoiding uncomfortable decisions. I don't know where the last 20 years have gone. Last I remember, I was playing Wii in my friend's basement. I remember the seemingly endless opportunities nights laid out before us. DVDs and pizza and furious laughter…

> I think I have just too strong of a mask for anyone else to truly pierce. And a flair for the dramatic!

If I can't be dramatic in my midlife crisis, then when?

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#176

Post by shermantanktop » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 2:57 PM UTC

raffael_de wrote: post #135

shermantanktop wrote: post #7

A life well-lived is really what we should all hope for. What that actually means varies by person. Sitting and thinking for 10 minutes about snowboarding when your knees are blown out is 10 minutes you could have used differently. Everyone has regrets but my attitude is: I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.

> A life well-lived is really what we should all hope for. That doesn't make sense. A life however-lived implies you're dead. You cannot admire your well-lived life. > I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. You cannot change the future ... Maybe you're not a native speaker. The reason why I reply is because I notice that many people fall into language traps when reasoning about something philosophical.…

I am a native speaker. I think the language problem is on your end.

You changed the future in this thread, by responding to me with an incredibly literal reading of my comment. So I responded and now you get to read it.

So here we are in the future, having a conversation about philosophy and time’s arrow. It didn’t have to be that way, you could have made some other comment, or I could have not responded.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#177

Post by saltyoldman » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 3:05 PM UTC

> given my orthopedist told me to stay away from anything that’s heavy on the knees, “like tennis, skiing, or, say, snowboarding,”

Obviously not knowing the background of this person, maybe they really have bad knees, but without more info, they could simply have an orthopedist that says this to all his clients, to help all of them not have problems in the future - no matter the current state.

I have decided long ago to not let anyone, especially experts, dictate what I can and can't do.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#178

Post by cat_plus_plus » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 3:07 PM UTC

stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

Lean into medicine, tech and science? Zepbound + strength training is a life transforming miracle and they are coming up with even more effective drugs and modern AI deep research (think coding agent pouring over mountains of data) is amazing at coming up with an investment plan to eventually own a home, for example putting up a downpayment and running a rental in a really cheap area and then eventually using income to finance something more convenient if you are not willing to move.

My point is not that all problems can be solved, but I think what OP is saying is that life is a matter of focus. I am putting plans of a soaring corporate career on ice not because I am 100% sure I couldn't swing it but because trying to would take focus away from things I want more like lifting heavy weights and tinkering with tech at home. But for absolute top priorities, I don't think it's ever worth giving up on the concept. Hard limits can be handled by reframing what success looks like and path to get there, not giving up on the essence.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#179

Post by oddgoo » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 3:08 PM UTC

Reading many comments here, I feel like there is a dimension to dreams that hasn't been emphasised enough: community/social dreams.

Post-COVID, I made an conscious effort to be more social, and take on more community activities, like doing Improv, making games for friends, and attending conferences just for fun.

By doing that, my dreams have become more of a broad North star: "I wish to keep investing in my community (family and friends, old and new), understand those around me, and thus myself".

Like others said, it's a qualitative difference when dreams are more of a path, rather than a destination.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#180

Post by cat_plus_plus » Mon, Jun 08, 2026, 3:18 PM UTC

stego-tech wrote: post #148

dentemple wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Has a doctor restricted you from doing martial arts specifically? I ask because there are certainly lighter martial arts programs out there that even folks with medical and/or mental issues can still do and gain benefit from them.

Yes. It’s the contact aspect that’s problematic, and all the widely-available training I’ve found in my life thus far has been contact-oriented: self-defense, belt/rank progression, sparring requirements, etc. Honestly if I lived closer to the city I’d probably go looking for a Tai Chi group. That’s about as close as I can get. Also considering fencing when I lose more weight/am not the world’s largest target. There’…

Does "athlete" in your original post have to be only martial art/contact sports? For example, are you medically unable to do absolutely any strength exercises, maybe upper body only, with appropriate support/isolation? A lot of times it's a matter or re framing rather than giving up goals, a lot can be done at home with a pair of adjustable dumbbells.