Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Things I want to say to my boss

ithoughtaboutthatalot.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

171–180 of 238 posts

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#171

Post by everdrive »

Aurornis wrote: post #170
everdrive wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I even wrote on HN to get advice when I felt I cared more about my work and colleagues [2]. Instead, my boss was promoted and I was scrutinized. In a lot of cases, "caring too much" is itself seen as a problem because the boss explicitly just wants you to implement the thing that benefits him. He doesn't really want to hear that its not going to work well and there are better alternatives. If you really don't care y…

> In a lot of cases, "caring too much" is itself seen as a problem because the boss explicitly just wants you to implement the thing that benefits him. He doesn't really want to hear that its not going to work well and there are better alternatives. I've been the manager on the other side of a lot of situations that could be described like this. In many cases, it was hard to explain to the person that there were doze…

>I've been the manager on the other side of a lot of situations that could be described like this. In many cases, it was hard to explain to the person that there were dozens and dozens of inputs that go into my decision making, including a lot of invisible factors and relationships that I was juggling.

I think this is also a really important counterpoint -- sometimes the person who "cares too much" is simply wrong, and is causing problems that should be avoidable. In other words, without more details it's hard to know if it's the manager or the direct report who is really the problem here.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#172

Post by WhyOhWhyQ »

whatamidoingyo wrote: post #161
WhyOhWhyQ wrote: post #38

My 'boss' was an absolute pyschopath who was a direct cause in my, let's just say, poor mental health over a period of years. I'd rather say not say anything to them ever again, but horrible interactions with them replay in my mind constantly. Imagine spending thousands of hours doing your best to make someone happy just to be treated like the worst piece of garbage who ever existed. That's what my 'boss' was like.

I've experienced this too. Luckily, I switched roles, so I don't have to engage with him so much anymore, but I still get his aggressive attitude every once in awhile. He's made woman employees cry. He's randomly shouted at others for thinking they were being "smart". He's also made me and another coworker contemplate quitting on multiple occasions. Dude has two moods: 1. Unreasonably happy. 2. Explosive anger. When…

"1. Unreasonably happy. 2. Explosive anger."

That was exactly my experience. It was either extremely friendly and fun, or extreme anger. It was terrifying. I would usually stay up 24 hours in a row preparing for meetings because I would be too anxious not knowing what I was going to get.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#173

Post by pdimitar »

cons0le wrote: post #167
pdimitar wrote: post #89

To the author: You have thought about your boss likely 100x more than he ever thought about you. Don't do him this favor. You are giving him too much power that way. And be sure that he forgot about you, like COMPLETELY, maximum 72 hours after you were let go. Do the same. Take your lessons, internalize them, and forget the source. Be like an LLM: have the right conclusion inside your brain after the source material…

> The guy who was practically doing 80% of everything there, all the time, got fired a year and half after me Every team I've been on has had one rockstar. I've seen the rockstar get fired 3 different times. Maybe they were making too much, or rising too fast, I'm not sure. But I do know that being the "most productive" doesn't guarantee employment

Yes, sadly. And before somebody quickly interjects: he not just was not an a-hole, he was extremely kind, calm and always supportive. You almost never hear him say: "I am too busy right now, can we do this later?".

Seriously. Almost never.

Yep. Still got fired.

And he was not rising or anything. Was a small hardcore team, zero politics were involved, they were tight-knit, loved them. But there was only so much the CTO could do; it was a startup that was under the boot of a bigger org he was actually working in. He fought for good paychecks for everyone, and generous severance too. But had no say if the higher echelons said that somebody had to be let go.

There's no moral of the story except "don't sweat your job, they'll replace you the next day". Treat it as a transaction, not as a second family.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#175

Post by forbiddenvoid »

roarcher wrote: post #163
parliament32 wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I doubt a human would use it repetitively, even if it is common. This was most likely written paragraph-by-paragraph by AI, causing the repetition, if I had to guess. I can't wait for the EU AI Act to require mandatory labelling for AI-generated content.

> EU AI Act to require mandatory labelling for AI-generated content. No thanks. How would you find violators, with AI detectors? Might as well go back to throwing people into lakes to see if they float.

The AI turned me into a newt!

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#176

Post by FatherOfCurses »

rdtsc wrote: post #27

> You can’t fake care. People feel it. In small moments, in the gaps between your words, in the way you prioritise your business over their wellbeing This resonates with me. I've seen way too much of this "performative" care. It's pretty grating when they start sounding like therapists: "tell me how you're feeling, this must be pretty upsetting, huh?". Or, "do you need any help?" and I'd be honest and say something l…

The most galling part of this is that management thinks we're all too stupid to notice.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#177

Post by BoredPositron »

ivanovm wrote: post #157
rhyperior wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because "I haven't seen this literary tool" or "I wouldn't think to use it" or "It doesn't match my perception of human literary tools", it must be artificial.

It's far more telling that you'd imagine this is a literary tool so interesting or complex that other people haven't seen it or thought of it https://www.google.com/search?q=it%27s+not+x+its+y

Speaking about telling it's called negative parallelism not " it's not x it's y". Don't be proud of ignorance even if you don't care for the subject.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#178

Post by whatamidoingyo »

WhyOhWhyQ wrote: post #172
whatamidoingyo wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've experienced this too. Luckily, I switched roles, so I don't have to engage with him so much anymore, but I still get his aggressive attitude every once in awhile. He's made woman employees cry. He's randomly shouted at others for thinking they were being "smart". He's also made me and another coworker contemplate quitting on multiple occasions. Dude has two moods: 1. Unreasonably happy. 2. Explosive anger. When…

"1. Unreasonably happy. 2. Explosive anger." That was exactly my experience. It was either extremely friendly and fun, or extreme anger. It was terrifying. I would usually stay up 24 hours in a row preparing for meetings because I would be too anxious not knowing what I was going to get.

>It was terrifying.

I feel this. I'd get butterflies knowing I had to call him or hearing the phone ring. I don't know how people like this remain employed for so long.

>I would usually stay up 24 hours

This is wild. Hopefully you never have to deal with someone like that again. Likewise, I would just leave if it ever got to the point of interfering with my mental health again.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#179

Post by BrandoElFollito »

repeekad wrote: post #4

“Burnout isn’t a sign of commitment, it’s a sign of organizational failure.” Exactly, if you need more bandwidth hire more people, otherwise you’re burning the candle at both ends and everything suffers for it

There are cultural differences though.

In France burnout is not seen by the company as commitment. It is seen as either a health accident (best case) or as a fuck up on your side (worst case).

This comes from a fundamentally different approch to work (and work ethics) from the US.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#180

Post by kakacik »

lcuff wrote: post #138

Peter Drucker wrote that the most important thing a manager could have was 'character'. I've asked myself "What is character?", and the best answer I've come up with is: "The willingness to do the right thing regardless of negative consequences to oneself." When I look at myself, I don't believe I have character. I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened. I don't think I'm alone in this. I…

> I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened

Many such people, dare I say most similar don't ever end up realizing this during their entire lives. They just live in mode which is subpar for them and their surroundings without ever having chance to understand. So bravo for that!

Even if it may not allow you to fully conquer it, unknown monster became known, described, and this can bring some inner peace which is also source of further strength in other areas.

Post reply on HN