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ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

claimingattention.substack.com

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Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#171

Post by albedoa »

treis wrote: post #37
fzeroracer wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the article: > Instead, they relied on discipline as the only solution: withholding rights, denying privileges, banning books outside the curriculum because they "caused inattention," cutting off the internet, locking TV channels with passwords, and limiting socialization during study time. I'm perfectly inclined here to agree with the author in blaming the parents for putting the child in a borderline abusive e…

It really depends on how long study time is. That sounds like proper parenting so long as we're talking like an hour or two.

Wait where did you go little boy https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42899018

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#172

Post by nijuashi »

kerkeslager wrote: post #25
avereveard wrote: post #3

As a neuroatypical I feel this. But also society has to happen, even if I am at the outskirts of it. As a neuroatypical parent of a neuroatypical children, I still have to guide them understanding the structures and expectations of society, and I see often time that she resents me for it, as the autor resent their upbringing. Society just don't care, and blaming parent for trying to impart that lesson is harsh, and w…

> As a neuroatypical parent of a neuroatypical children, I still have to guide them understanding the structures and expectations of society, and I see often time that she resents me for it, as the autor resent their upbringing. I think where a lot of parents go wrong is representing things as "because I said so" when in fact, there is a very good reason for what the parent is doing and explaining that reason to the…

“I think where a lot of parents go wrong is representing things as "because I said so" when in fact, there is a very good reason for what the parent is doing and explaining that reason to the child would both reduce resentment and be more valuable than the discipline being given. ” Oh boy…if kids were that reasonable I would overlook almost any other deficiency. I don’t think this isn’t what you are implying, I think the author’s parents DID explain things to him. He just didn’t like what he heard.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#173

Post by PotatoPrime »

hkpack wrote: post #2

The person blaming his parents because they tried to do their job of, well, parenting a child with ADHD. I’ve read that psychotherapy is much more difficult when there is no-one to blame. So it might help for him, until he will have his own kids with ADHD and fail in a completely opposite way. I would not recommend anyone to blame parents of neurodivergent kids, as it is a very difficult job to do right.

I think it's pretty common to blame your parents for something or other, no matter how you end up no?

Of course there will be gaps where they failed you, they're human, expecting YOUR parents to be perfect is just unrealistic expectations. Seeing that failure as something more than just a part of life though is unrealistic.

Yes, your parents failed you, in many ways, because they're human, and it would be impossible to not screw something up unless they're omniscient.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#174

Post by je42 »

kerkeslager wrote: post #140
je42 wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Explainations need to be 2-3 short sentences. Longer, and even teenagers with Ahdh may not follow or retain the explanation offered.

That's a pretty broad statement. Obviously you need to gauge whether your child is engaged in what you're saying. Maybe you have some experience that leads you to believe this, but I would encourage you to stop speaking for all neuroatypical people. Your experience is limited. My personal experience with ADHD is that my focus latches on to certain things, which may not be the thing I want them to latch on to, or the…

Good point. It is my experience with both of my teenage kids, diagnosed with adhd.

In general, it needs to be broad since it is difficult to predict if you get enough attention or not.

So starting with a very short explanation helps increasing the odds of that it will be processed.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#175

Post by tasuki »

swayvil wrote: post #115
__rito__ wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have read much about Yogic traditions, and always thought that people with ADHDs are particularly well-suited for spiritual progress as laid down in core texts and aligned literature. > In ancient times the Raja Yogis (basically wizards) preferred to recruit from those with ADHD. They called them "habitually one-pointed". I never knew this. Can you please site some sources/supporting literature? I would like to rea…

>Can you please site some... I think I read it in Swami Vivekananda's "Raja Yoga". I'm more of a Zennist. Thought and knowledge are overrated. Study and cultivation of awareness is where it's at.

> Thought and knowledge are overrated. Study and cultivation of awareness is where it's at.

This comment really hit me.

Like most here, I live in a culture centered around thought and knowledge. I think I've always kind of known awareness was important, but never tried to compare its importance vs thought and knowledge so directly.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#176

Post by aorist »

lsecondario wrote: post #22

As a parent of kids with ADHD I've come to believe that it is disabling in two ways: an actual deficit in attention that makes it more difficult to complete tasks AND an incompatibility with an inflexible society. I see both of these in my kids' experience at school: The true deficit can be seen in inability to complete schoolwork on time. Sure, homework is artificial, but I have no doubt the same difficulties would…

> I have no doubt the same difficulties would apply to - say - planting and harvesting crops on a schedule

Not necessarily. Before the Industrial Revolution artisans were paid by the piece and peasants harvested between the crop being ripe and it being damaged by the weather. https://dhayton.haverford.edu/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Tho...>

Both of those have immediate rather than delayed (artificial?) consequences, which might have been easier to handle.

When factories tried paying peasants by the hour, they would work as much as they felt like (e.g. not showing up at all on "Saint" Monday) until they were taught time-discipline.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#177

Post by nijuashi »

cromulent wrote: post #112
void-pointer wrote: post #104

I feel like I’m going mad. Is ADHD a debilitating condition that can be consistently and independently diagnosed, with verifiable symptoms and clear criteria as to who _has_ ADHD and, more importantly, who _hasn’t_? or is it a loosely defined group of behaviours that all people experience at different severities at some point in their lives, which have all been grouped into a nebulous so-called disorder (although man…

This is a good point, and why so many ADHD people feel guilty or unsure about their diagnosis. Doesn't everyone feel like this? Adrian Chiles' "inner chimp" and other columns [1] helped me understand it. Also, when I laughed off my psychologists' questions ("oh, everyone would answer these questions the same way, this is silly"). Oh no they don't, she said. There will be a grey area for sure. But for people who have…

It’s just that ADHD was not recognized until recently. We as a society is not well informed about this. But it’s important for us to feel the need to address this problem.

I think the best analogy is myopia. Until glasses were invented, people with poor eyesight were very limited in what they can do. People with glasses were stigmatized (remember “four-eyes”?). We didn’t know what caused it. Then things became normalized and lens making techniques became so advanced and ubiquitous that it no longer became such a big deal to see people with glasses. Then things like contact lenses and surgical procedures that came along which can correct it, making the person with myopia indistinguishable from one without. We are now starting to reach a stage where people can prevent the condition from developing because we have a better understanding of the disorder (although there are a lot of snake oils out there).

ADHD is like myopia, which limits the range of things that people are capable of. We have imperfect tools like adderall which has a lot of unwanted side effects. My hope is that technologies like AI personal assistants geared toward helping people with ADHD will act as a way to augment these deficiencies, much in the way glasses have. We as a civilization simply did not reach that stage.

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#178

Post by floydnoel »

fader wrote: post #67
floydnoel wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

there are other options, though. most choose not to take the hard path of choosing them

Imagine you're a 10 year old in a typical suburb in the US. There might be a pet dog or cat around if you're lucky, but nothing even at the level of a goat or chicken, let alone something wilder. Your nearest friend is two-three miles away. Not walkable at your age for sure. Maybe bikeable, but your parents watch Fox News and know that sex slavers from the city are on constant patrol for juicy morsels like you, so yo…

what you are saying has nothing to do at all with my comment.

the parents have a choice, but they choose not to take it (or pretend not to see it).

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#179

Post by tonymet »

WarOnPrivacy wrote: post #170
tonymet wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

it's not a counterpoint. there are a good number like you. There are also 20 million who take Adderall and the vast majority are not successful.

> There are also 20 million who take Adderall and the vast majority are not successful. These are two bold claims. What are some independent sources for each of them? They certainly run counter to decades of my own experience. Presently: For every person I know on ADHD meds, I know more who are unable to get them. The vast majority of Dr's are too afraid of the DEA to prescribe them. It's difficult to recognize a hea…

That sounds preposterous. If doctor's are afraid, how are they selling so much Adderall?

Re: ADHD Didn't Break Me–My Parents Did

#180

Post by kerkeslager »

baq wrote: post #44
kerkeslager wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault is also a sign of depression, not productive, and doesn't lead to solutions to the problem at hand. I think we probably agree that blame just isn't the ideal way to approach problems and the end goal would be to not include blame in the thought process at all. But for someone who is blaming themselves for everything, placing blame appropriately can be a step toward r…

don't confuse blaming with introspection. you have to accept you're responsible for yourself to do that properly first, though.

Blame is certainly going to be part of the introspective process if you've ever experienced any trauma caused by anyone else.
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