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Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

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Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#171

Post by treecrypto »

dijit wrote: post #9

Only half? Thats a really wide range too. By 90 it is increasingly likely your spouse and close friends are mostly dead. My emotional support network consists of two people, my long-term partner and my parent(s). My long term partner loves me conditionally (and don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that this is abnormal). Only your parents might love you unconditionally, and they have a pretty decent head start wit…

>My long term partner loves me conditionally (and don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that this is abnormal)

>Only your parents might love you unconditionally

I may be nitpicking here, but I find all love is conditional. The difference lies in how easy or difficult it is to meet those conditions.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#172

Post by watwut »

constantcrying wrote: post #124
watwut wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You have never talked about being angry, about being happy? Those are emotions. And I see men writing about feeling lonely on hacker news all the time. Developers talk about being frustrated by tasks. Frustration is an emotion.

>You have never talked about being angry, about being happy? No. Why would I? >Developers talk about being frustrated by tasks. Frustration is an emotion. But they do not seek emotional support , they seek advice on how to overcome that frustration. >And I see men writing about feeling lonely on hacker news all the time. Coincidentally I have also never felt lonely. Not once in my life have I felt the need to externa…

> But they do not seek emotional support, they seek advice on how to overcome that frustration.

Totally not. They seek validation and venting. Men in general don't like being given advice, rarely seek it and when they do, they are explicit a put seeking it.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#173

Post by keybored »

some_furry wrote: post #170
keybored wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I was sitting here wondering how anyone has only two to begin with. They might have zero for that matter since they might have a wife and 2.5 kids and living parents and the necessary number of close friends but be emotionally closed off to all of those. Does that explain things for you?

No, it doesn't explain shit. You've only provided answers to "what?" questions, not "why?" questions. Next question.

You were the one with the question.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#174

Post by constantcrying »

watwut wrote: post #172
constantcrying wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You have never talked about being angry, about being happy? No. Why would I? >Developers talk about being frustrated by tasks. Frustration is an emotion. But they do not seek emotional support , they seek advice on how to overcome that frustration. >And I see men writing about feeling lonely on hacker news all the time. Coincidentally I have also never felt lonely. Not once in my life have I felt the need to externa…

> But they do not seek emotional support, they seek advice on how to overcome that frustration. Totally not. They seek validation and venting. Men in general don't like being given advice, rarely seek it and when they do, they are explicit a put seeking it.

>Men in general don't like being given advice, rarely seek it and when they do, they are explicit a put seeking it.

What? Certainly not my experience, in either direction.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#175

Post by horrible-hilde »

keybored wrote: post #161
horrible-hilde wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The person, above you, is responding as such because the framing is very passive, it sounds like it’s everyone else’s responsibility which will not help men because they have to show up. The title should “Men are not maintaining or making friendships” They do show up at my art and DnD meetups and some of them can barely talk, at first, but after a while you can see them start to come out of their shell, I find it tak…

You are reading into “we get”, a perhaps shortened phrase (“we get to have”, i.e. “that’s an option for us?”) which is obviously useful in such a sardonic reply. This was interpreted as a joke but for some reason this person still ran with the entitlement shtick. And since we’re playing language/interpretation games: this attitude that men in particular feel entitlement in this area is backlash against people writing…

I think the people pushing this narrative want, exactly, the reaction you are displaying here.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#176

Post by stevenAthompson »

purple-leafy wrote: post #131
nadermx wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't mean I failed to make her happy. I mean I failed in asserting myself or sacrificing my happiness for her. As her happiness generally feeds of mine.

This is how I feel, I sacrificed a lot of my sanity and happiness to support them, and the spotlight was always on me as I was sad and stressed in the end. I think going forward I will always put myself first

I've heard it phrased as "put on your own oxygen mask first."

I like that phrasing as it doesn't sound selfish in that context and most people can immediately understand why it's necessary.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#177

Post by keybored »

horrible-hilde wrote: post #175
keybored wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are reading into “we get”, a perhaps shortened phrase (“we get to have”, i.e. “that’s an option for us?”) which is obviously useful in such a sardonic reply. This was interpreted as a joke but for some reason this person still ran with the entitlement shtick. And since we’re playing language/interpretation games: this attitude that men in particular feel entitlement in this area is backlash against people writing…

I think the people pushing this narrative want, exactly, the reaction you are displaying here.

What position? That social science is conceptually a thing?

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#178

Post by thfuran »

lazide wrote: post #148
thfuran wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This goes way beyond merely conditional love. If you can't reasonably expect to be listened to in good faith, you have an outright toxic relationship.

Depending on the topic, almost no relationships meet your definition of ‘non-toxic’ in my experience. And I’ve had a lot of experience.

>Depending on the topic

In the sense that there might be something you could say to tank a relationship? Sure. But that's a far cry not generally being able to express "unfinished opinions" or any vulnerability, as the original commenter said.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#179

Post by some_furry »

keybored wrote: post #173
some_furry wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, it doesn't explain shit. You've only provided answers to "what?" questions, not "why?" questions. Next question.

You were the one with the question.

> Does that explain things for you?

Not the only one.

Re: Emotional support across adulthood: A 60-year study of men’s social networks

#180

Post by horrible-hilde »

keybored wrote: post #177
horrible-hilde wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the people pushing this narrative want, exactly, the reaction you are displaying here.

What position? That social science is conceptually a thing?

I think we are agreeing it’s an individual’s problem. I was responding to the “compassion” comment not the joke comment but the same applies for everyone.

I just see streams of these weirdly skewed articles. The irony of segmenting society to fight loneliness is not lost on me.

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