171–180 of 322 posts
Alternately; this anachronistic idea that not going to a religious ceremony is “the wrong thing” can be disregarded. I never attend funerals, and I rarely attend weddings. I skipped my father’s funeral. It simply doesn’t matter if you go or not.
Consider that funerals may have developed over millennia as a component of the grieving process. There is nothing necessarily religious about them.
I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
This is a very Irish thing. Funerals in Ireland are always well-attended and going to a funeral - even of someone you don't know - is important in the community (see this recent news article, for example[0]). I notice the author's surname is Sullivan. As my grandmother liked to repeat: "If you don't go to someone's funeral, they won't come to yours." [0] https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/crowd-shows-up-to-funera...…
Also it's weird as an Irish person to see people saying "the time came to speak, and nobody did". I've never been to a funeral that didn't have a eulogy. Someone always prepares a speech and delivers it
The funeral (burial/internment) is usually for close family only. I will go, if it is appropriate, but usually, not. Sometimes, the funeral mass is more open than the actual burial.
I had a friend propose that we hire a woman and a child to stand a hundred yards away from the burial of a [male] friend, and leave before anyone can approach them, to add some mystery to the event.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You aren't punishing the dead person by not going. Just punishing what friends and family he or she had, out of spite. Making enemies. I mean when you say "horrible person" you're not talking about Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot, you're just talking about someone you thought (rightly or wrongly) an asshole. Now you've made yourself the asshole to other people. Not a great life strategy.
You made a lot of assumptions in your post just so you could wag your finger at the GP.
Was there another assumption?
I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor.
Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the past three years? She was alone (after her husband died) and most of you never visited her since (and no they were not living far away or unable to visit).
Go to the funeral yes, but don't wait until.
I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
The advice I've heard is, go to a wake to support those who are grieving, go to a funeral to grieve yourself.
(For this reason, the wake is held at more "convenient" hours.)
Do others make this distinction? Is the practice of holding a separate wake a regional/cultural thing?
Luke 9:60 > Let the dead bury the dead