Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

It is not easy but it can be done. While the wake of the past can be turbulent, it is just that in the past. You can be aware of it, moved by it but remember you are the boat now that makes the wake. Don't deny the past, merely accept it as something that has happened, it does not need to dominate the time that you have.

Also seeing a therapist/counseling can be very helpful in this. Don't try to do this alone even if it can be difficult to bring yourself to do it! The anxiety of what it is like is far stronger than the actual event.

I think where I ultimately come down on this (and I'm a dad so I've given this a lot of thought) is that a crappy childhood is a high risk play: it might give you a slightly better chance of a really amazing outcome, but at a much greater risk of a truly terrible outcome. A happy childhood doesn't guarantee anything, none of us are guaranteed anything. But it can make truly negative outcomes less likely- though again not impossible. So all things being equal, I want my son to feel loved.

1: Just looking at the Baby Boomer presidents, and staying far away from actual politics, Clinton was born William Jefferson Blythe, his dad died in a car accident before he was even born and his mom remarried and he was adopted. GWBush had a famously withholding and demanding mother and was viewed as the family scapegoat into his 30's- JEB! was the golden child in that family, George was the family screw-up. Barack Obama wrote an entire book (when he was a campaigning for an Illinois State Senate seat, long before he thought about running for President) about how he never really had a relationship with his father and what effect that absence had on his life. Donald Trump wears much of the damage Fred Trump inflicted on him on his sleeve.

I started by bouncing several shop lights off the ceiling.

That was so effective, during a remodel I recessed long LED light strips hidden behind cove molding around the whole room perimeter, to do the same. My whole ceiling is the light. An indoor sky.

No glare, just a bright summer day, every day!

Talking with wife and mother about my childhood made me understand that I've had untreated adhd (got diagnosed only recently, in my late 30s, now in the process of seeing if I'm also on the autism spectrum).

Life seen from the outside looks fairly okay, educated, employed, wife, kid, 3 homes, 2 cars, no mortgage.

From the inside: depressed and chaotic, self hatred, lethargic, I can't ever remember wanting to be here, and always finding external reasons to stay, first I didn't want my parents to get sad, now I don't want to fail my wife and kid. But so far, this life has been for others, no myself. I'm not suicidal, I just don't find it particularity thrilling to be alive, it seems like a lot of trouble for very little reward.

So in short, I'm not satisfied with my life, and it's not really depending on external factors, just the way my brain is wired.

I remember in particular an episode where I was 5 or 6 years old and I asked my dad, "why are we even alive? what's the point?" he got mad (I concluded at the time, because he didn't know either, but in retrospect, might have been because it might have sounded like a dark or provocative thing to ask for, but it was an honest question).

Have faced serious issues with dissociation, and have complex PTSD. Still working on it, it's not a smooth ride but have made progress. Had a lot of issues to work on and have changed significantly over the years. There have been highs and lows.

I've managed to have some success with relationships and life goals in spite of it. With the right support, time, and considerable effort things are improving.

I think a lot of people here have similar experiences. Intelligence is a protective factor that gives you the ability to skip your life script, but it's a difficult journey. The only people I know who suffered severe childhood trauma and recovered are above average intelligence.

Autism, ADHD, and a staggering range of other mental and physical issues have causal links with childhood trauma. For many kids, a diagnosis of ADHD is a nice way of saying "your home environment is abusive and illegal, but saying that is problematic. You live in a hellhole and for some reason can't pay attention. Here's a pill."