This is another way of saying "behavioral skills matter". Doesn't matter how smart you are, if you're an complete asshole you will find a lot of paths closed off to you. I'm really glad this generation is rejecting the notion that you have to be toxic to succeed. It's such bullshit.
Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
171–180 of 260 posts
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#172Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…
Side note: I find ChatGPT to be a much better translator. It doesn’t just do literal translations. Here’s how it explained this phrase:
The saying "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende" generally means that someone appears to know a little bit about many things but doesn't have a deep understanding of any of them. It's used to describe someone who pretends to be knowledgeable but lacks true expertise.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#173Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…
Exactly! When I look forward to working with people, we get more done and I don't come home burned out and discouraged. Even if the work is hard, at least you are in it together.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#174If we tallied up all technical projects in the Western world that failed, how many would be failing due to lack of kindness versus, say, straight-forwards incompetence? Because 100% fall in the latter category in my experience. One of the problems with engineers counter-signalling engineering values (like actual technical competence) is that we live in a world where those values are extremely underrated while every m…
Huh! If I reflect back on my involvement in projects that had difficulties, there was rarely a dearth of competent people, and in fact it was often political and communication concerns that led to suffering.
Look at Conway’s Law: “any organization that designs a system (defined broadly) will produce a design whose structure is a copy of the organization's communication structure.”
The “kind” people are the people who optimize an organization’s communication structure by helping competent people to have a voice and not be impeded by political wrangling.
In short, I think it’s the ‘kind’ people who can help an organization realize an architecture that is less warped by political considerations and more true to the customer’s needs.
Of course an organization needs both kindness and competence. In my decades in tech, competence was over-valued in my early years (the worship of the trope of the rockstar-but-asshole programmer), so if there is an overindication towards kindness right now, it is probably a counterbalance.
I would also question your conclusion about the government. While I have not worked in the government myself, I come from a sort of “federal government family”, in that I have multiple close family who have spent decades in federal government roles, and they are full of stories of incompetent managers undermining their employees, politically fighting one another, etc. To your point, they also have plenty of stories of crass incompetence, Nepotism, etc. But I think it’s an easy and incorrect answer to say it’s simply due to “HR-values” as opposed to “engineering-values”: it’s multi-faceted in both directions.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#175Earlier quoted context omitted.
I run a co-op consulting group.
Very cool concept! Is it software engineering focused, and do you have to invest in sales or marketing to get clients?
Basically, we all have specifics, I focus on RF/Wireless Security projects for government... so you can imagine the sales cycle... sometimes there is overlap and we work together.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#176If we tallied up all technical projects in the Western world that failed, how many would be failing due to lack of kindness versus, say, straight-forwards incompetence? Because 100% fall in the latter category in my experience. One of the problems with engineers counter-signalling engineering values (like actual technical competence) is that we live in a world where those values are extremely underrated while every m…
i would say yes, a lot of things fail from a lack of kindness.
Tesla self driving Tesla robotaxi Tesla park summon Tesla cybertruck Tesla solar roof tiles Boring company etc etc
One of the main things that Toyota Production System brings to manufacturing is the concept of respect, everything is supposed to be based on respect for each other. Maybe people fall short of that alot of the time, but that is the goal and intrinsic to all their other techinques like genchi genbutsu, kanban, just in time, waste elimination, etc.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#177Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…
Will you be kind as well to the people who repeatedly fuck up and don't care about delivering good processes or products?
Yes. I will. And I upvoted you because I think it is HN duty to help you out, and not bury you.
If someone is fucking up, they are in the wrong position. People need to work for a living, and shouldn't be under duress constantly. It is up to them and their manager to find a position that is rewarding and engaging for them.
If they don't care, they are also in the wrong position.
It is no reason to not treat them with kindness. You don't have to blow them, but you don't need to be UNkind, as several have said below.
The only people I don't treat with kindness are people who are legitimately trying to hurt me and people I love, or promote hateful ideas with glee. People who are failing at their job need help.
And if they still annoy you, then I think the problem might be in how you view the situation. Compassion helps with anger. Try to think about why you are so angry, and if it really matters or helps to be so angry. Especially if you are not the manager. If you are the manager, consider that maybe the job isn't for you. You shouldn't be pissed at work all day!!
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#178Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…
"A know-it-all who doesn't understand anything" sounds fine in English to my ear.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#179Earlier quoted context omitted.
"Tough love" is kind but not nice. There doesn't seem to be a good phrase for the opposite in English but there should be.
The book Radical Candor calls the opposite "ruinous empathy".
Definitely a good book. As someone who is very prone to ruinous empathy, the mantra, “it isn’t mean, it’s clear” has been very helpful for giving me the courage to raise issues earlier, when they are not a big deal.
Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest
#180Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…
> Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back
Missed the thing but what a front-loaded mess. What we want to say is
Nice sucks, be kind.