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Hunting Down My Son's Killer

matt.might.net

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Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#171

Post by mibbitier »

gcheong wrote: post #167
run4yourlives wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This thing that can only cry learns to: talk, walk, read, express themselves, formulate opinions, ride a bike, conquer fears, grow etc. They do this all the while looking at you as a hero with nothing but complete and selfless love for you. All your minor faults are irrelevant to them. You are their everything. Yes, it's genetic conditioning, but I have been on this planet 37 years and have never experienced emotion…

"That is what parenthood does to you." No, that is what parenthood has done to you. And I'm glad for you but you don't have to look far to find people for whom the effect was less than positive and if I relate more to those people than to you then I would do well to heed their warnings than your espousing of supposed absolute truth. Seriously why is it that parents want to convince others who don't buy into the whole…

Virgins probably also don't see what the big deal about having sex is. They've probably heard horror stories about it.

Being a father/mother is simply the best thing you can do with your life (Unless you hate kids, or are too "grown up").

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#172

Post by Havoc »

edwinnathaniel wrote: post #17
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

This important lesson can only be detected by parents. People with no children won't ever understand this no matter how hard they try/re-read the articles many times. Once the infant is out of the womb, everything change instantly without any interference by anyone, anybody, or anything else. The child will change your brain, your mind, your heart, your lifestyle, and your future at that moment of birth. The child IS…

>People with no children won't ever understand this no matter how hard they try/re-read the articles many times.

Halfway through the article I started re-evaluating whether I still want kids. Not sure I could carry that burden. [] Though that is probably more on a logical level than feeling the raw emotion that a parent would - which is probably what you were getting at.

More accurately I know I could out of necessity carry that burden. Its everything else in life which would be more difficult. Kinda like a warrior without family at home has the luxury of adopting a devil-may-care attitude to combat - once others depend on him that isn't possible anymore.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#173

Post by mibbitier »

yason wrote: post #63
jasonlotito wrote: post #9

As a father with a son with severe autism (not to suggest it's equivalent to Bertrand's condition), there is an important lesson here that might not be apparent at first read. Before you have children, understand that it's for the rest of your life. Really understand the impact. Your concerns are second, beyond anything you've ever understood. Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege.…

Marriage is about compromise. Children, however, afford no such privilege. No, marriage is having one heck of a good time living your life with your spouse. Being a single parent is better than a bad marriage. And marriage can only be good if the parents know and acknowledge that they together go first, kids come second. Period. Your spouse is the person you spend rest of your life (or at least decades, if you're luc…

> "And marriage can only be good if the parents know and acknowledge that they together go first, kids come second. Period."

That's a terribly sad outlook. Your children are extensions of yourself. They should come first forever. They're not pets that you just take in and look after. They're your babies...

I don't know if you have kids or not, maybe you don't have very strong parental feelings :/

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#174

Post by Havoc »

shpoonj wrote: post #141

So there was a paternity test, right? I'm assuming there was and it just wasn't mentioned in the write up. The author states with authority that he is the father, but doesn't mention the tests confirming it whereas every other finding is linked to the tests involved. Please don't tell me, in an article praising science, that this was left to faith or trust or whatever.

I thought about this too - but concluded that even without a test, its reasonable.

A caring parent wouldn't keep such a thing secret when its causing (continued) suffering for their child. I'm sure there are psychopaths out there where this is not true, but given that they are married, a judgement call is acceptable in my view - even if not ideal.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#175

Post by simonh »

Avenger42 wrote: post #60
simonh wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what you're saying is you were a complete waste of time and your parents would have been better off without you? Seriously - I'm not trolling or trying to be abusive. It seems to me that's literally what you're saying. Life isn't rational. Pleasure isn't rational. In the grand scheme of things, no achievements are significant or meaningful. But that's no way to live a life, IMHO. I know I'm far happier with my chi…

> In the grand scheme of things, no achievements are significant or meaningful I'd scale that back a bit and say "it's entirely possible none of your achievements (or your children's) will be seen as 'significant or meaningful' to others". But the achievements of people like Norman Borlaug or Alexander Fleming have had a profound impact on the entire world, so when I see "no achievements matter" it gives me pause.

I'll get back to you on that in 50 million years.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#176

Post by postfuturist »

its_so_on wrote: post #163
postfuturist wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep, it's also disheartening to see them holding a printout of one of the few articles available online, which I already know is pretty out-of-date and down-right wrong in places.

Why don't you just tell them that you're pretty well-versed? Doctors are pretty smart. I wouldn't presume to say this is always appropriate, but depending on the rapport they might listen attentively to what you know from your own research (though they would probably check before acting on it.) Doctors know very well that a person with a specific rare disease has a lot more incentive to have spent in-depth research o…

You're making a lot of assumptions that aren't true. I regularly instruct doctors on my condition in detail, they do usually listen and are reasonable. However, I am often disappointed by the lack of depth of the research they do in advance of meeting (and billing me exorbitantly).

Recently, my sister (same condition) drove a couple hours to see a specialist who had obviously not read her file or done any research and made some truly awful suggestions (one that could certainly have lead to her death if she had followed it). He billed her for the time.

Doctors are like coders, some are orders of magnitude better than others. Some are so bad, they have a net negative impact on your health.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#177

Post by silverlake »

run4yourlives wrote: post #129
altrego99 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry, not worth it at all. Years 1-10 - you will loose all your time - cleaning diapers, making the child eat, making it study, teaching it values - waking up at night - and doing a lot of things for it. Yes you'll see it learn, smile, grow up and you're genetically conditioned to like it. But you will not be able to play your games, go to your parties - read book or contemplate on life, or code without expecting in…

This thing that can only cry learns to: talk, walk, read, express themselves, formulate opinions, ride a bike, conquer fears, grow etc. They do this all the while looking at you as a hero with nothing but complete and selfless love for you. All your minor faults are irrelevant to them. You are their everything. Yes, it's genetic conditioning, but I have been on this planet 37 years and have never experienced emotion…

> They do this all the while looking at you as a hero

Not all people make great parents. I've hated my parents for as long as I can remember. They didn't appear to enjoy being parents either. The daily beatings were really annoying. I'm glad you're happy, but the world isn't a Disney movie.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#178

Post by hellerbarde »

CWuestefeld wrote: post #165
its_so_on wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't like your tone. I have no horse in the race and am not a doctor, but doctors aren't Gods. They learn certain foundational things (names of bones and muscles; organic chemistry) then they learn thing related to the practice that doesn't necessarily rely on any of that stuff. (Diseases; drugs) For diseases, you should try reading through the Merck manual (available online). Everything from gynecology, oncology,…

I think I know what you're trying to say: that it's not hard for us to learn some facts, but they're less useful without a broader knowledge of human physiology that an MD would be presumed to have, and we don't. And there's certainly truth to that. On the other hand, there really are things the lay person can learn and understand well, even in the complex human body. I have an unusual, if not rare, condition (Crohn'…

I can't possibly understand the deepness of knowledge you had to acquire to deal with your condition. No way.

This being said, unfortunately, for every awesome, smart and knowledgable person, there are tens and hundreds of people researching their cough on the internet and wasting everybody's time.

That being said, yes, the system could certainly be improved in most countries. A hard part is managing responsibilities. The doctor you go to has the responsibility of giving you sound advice to the best of his (and hopefully the scientific community's) knowledge.

If he did not follow the methods laid out by standard care, he would not be doing that. He would be irresponsible. Of course, there are always things that are on the fringe but would be beneficial, but then again, who knows, he might just kill a group of people down the road because he gave a fringe treatment to the wrong crowd.

Now to the point you rose for your own situation: it seems that your GP seems to be making it fairly simple for you (in a good way). Or was that a hypothetical scenario with the quick rubber stamp and so on?

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#179

Post by simonh »

untog wrote: post #81
simonh wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what you're saying is you were a complete waste of time and your parents would have been better off without you? Seriously - I'm not trolling or trying to be abusive. It seems to me that's literally what you're saying. Life isn't rational. Pleasure isn't rational. In the grand scheme of things, no achievements are significant or meaningful. But that's no way to live a life, IMHO. I know I'm far happier with my chi…

I think that maybe tomjen3 is reacting to the (oft-repeated) idea that anyone who says that they don't want kids simply hasn't realised that they're wrong. I don't doubt that the majority of people want kids. I imagine that at some point hormones will kick in that make me want to, but it hasn't happened. So, the idea of having children is awful, as far as I'm concerned. Yet I am told again and again that "one you loo…

Fair enough. I've always known I wanted children eventually. I don't want to just live in a house, I want to live in a home. I want grandchildren. I want people who love me around me when I'm old and grey. Sure that comes at a price, but in the context of a whole life, not an enormous one. For me.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#180

Post by CWuestefeld »

arn wrote: post #170
CWuestefeld wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think I know what you're trying to say: that it's not hard for us to learn some facts, but they're less useful without a broader knowledge of human physiology that an MD would be presumed to have, and we don't. And there's certainly truth to that. On the other hand, there really are things the lay person can learn and understand well, even in the complex human body. I have an unusual, if not rare, condition (Crohn'…

I don't see why you can't have the Doc/Pt relationship you are speaking about. Have you stuck with one GP or GI doc? Have you jumped around a lot? It takes time to build the relationship you are talking about. You can't ask for a "partnership" and then dismiss the other side ("priesthood").

I do keep the same GP and GI docs.

I'm not allowed to have the relationship I describe. Even when I really do know the right answer, FDA laws require me to go to the altar of the MD to get a signed prescription. I'm forced to wait two weeks to get that appointment, even though I know the right answer.

(In reality, the doc is generally willing to call in the script on my say-so over the phone, but he's not supposed to do this.)

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