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Write a note to your spouse every day

jdnoc.com

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Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#171

Post by the_gipsy »

insightcheck wrote: post #37
the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

The author is the founder, owner, and operator of a company, and from a quick view, is quite successful at his work. Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours. And he has kids at the same time. That sounds like a great life to me. Not a lot of people get the opportunity, and not very many people can pull it off. I'm sure life will be more relaxed when the kids leave th…

> Plus, he is in a relationship where his partner is supportive of his dreams and long hours.

The fact that he needs a servant-wife to be able to support his career is a red flag. Having so many children and spending so much time working also means he can't have meaningful relationships with all of them.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#173

Post by OJFord »

eertami wrote: post #142
maest wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the author thinks they have to have kids as instructed by the bible: "As human beings, our primary mission in life is to be fruitful and multiply, and take dominion over the earth. If that sounds like Bible talk, it is. This is the creed God gave to Adam and Eve. Genesis 1:28. That’s our responsibility as human beings." https://jdnoc.com/guides/increasing-wealth-as-a-father

The linked article has quite a few cracks that show, but this is just straight up ramblings of a crazy person. Is this the sad outcome for people who don't know how to write but get addicted to "hustle" influencers and SEO scams? Also none of this sounds at all Christian.

'Christian' covers an awful lot of ground, as an admittedly simplistic division - a lot of the Old Testament (which includes Genesis as quoted) might '[not sound] at all Christian' to many.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#174

Post by RektBoy »

the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

I've stopped reading at ".... 4 kids" :D

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#175

Post by audiometry »

em-bee wrote: post #130
NetOpWibby wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t fear much but my wife dying before me is up there, right after my kids. I hope to experience and provide the marriage you’ve experienced. This year will be my third married and my 10th being in a relationship with my wife. It’s been a tumultuous journey at times because of lack of communication. In lieu of notes like OP mentioned, my wife and I just check in with each other every morning. And, throughout the…

* a defense mechanism I haven’t needed to deploy for at least a decade* the behaviors we learn through our experience to protect ourselves are very hard to shake off. quite often we are not even aware of them or understand why. and any new partner will end up working hard trying to break through. but it looks like your partners effort and patience is starting to pay off. good luck to your continued future.

Yeah I agree. This is the core idea of IFS Internal Family Systems. Heard about it on Time Ferriss. A real life friend recommended it. I tried it and benefited from it.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#176

Post by newshorts »

the_gipsy wrote: post #29

> I’m a husband who is 30. I also have 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I’m the sole-provider for the family (though my wife works harder). Between the job, the kids, and extrafamilial obligations, there’s not a lot of time for communication with my wife. We’re on the go from sun-up to sun-down, and at the end of the day we drop into bed exhausted to get just enough sleep for the next day. Very often in the past, a week or…

Ha. I can understand your pov for sure.

We (family with two kids under the age of 4) just moved to Texas, been in there ER once, urgent care twice, had stomach flu, ear infection, viral rash, a flat tire, water damage in the house we bought resulting in lots of money flying out the window and a scramble to find temp housing.

All in the past two weeks.

It’s pure hell to the point you laugh instead of cry.

For example, yesterday our kids got into daycare which meant the only thing my wife and I had to do was work. We could finally get a few hours of focus. Not thirty minutes into work the house cleaners I had forgotten about showed up to start cleaning.

Sometimes life seems nonstop.

But when my three year old gives me a kiss on the cheek or my one year old just wanted me to hold him, my world stops for just a moment and I realize how lucky we’ve been to even get to this point.

I guess I’m happy in hell.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#177

Post by gsinclair »

newshorts wrote: post #167
nlnn wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Obviously it's not quite the same thing, but reminds me of an old neighbour we had. She used to love baking, and would bring round cakes/pastries/bread for us all the time. It was really nice at first, but also made us feel very awkward/bad that we didn't reciprocate (neither of us really cook much), even though we'd never asked for the cakes. Eventually we had to ask her to stop, since we just didn't want to eat tha…

I learned about this from my mom. She’s a giver, but to the point where we don’t want the stuff. We appreciated the thought, but she would bring so many toys for our daughter it was overwhelming and we didn’t Have that much space. It was clearly more for my mom than for us, she just likes to give. So I reciprocated by saying thanks and promptly throwing/donating something older. This allowed my mom to keep giving and…

My mother likes to give cheap things found in op shops. Definitely more about her than the recipient: the satisfaction of a bargain and seeing things be continued to be used. I think it’s also a subtle way to try to control others’ spending because … hey, you don’t need a new X anymore.

Anyway, after seeing the relationship futility of resisting the unwanted gifts too persistently, I now just give some approximation of a warm thank-you, then donate the items to a charity shop.

Cycle of life.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#178

Post by yowlingcat »

tlarkworthy wrote: post #91

My wife and I write an annual letter to one another. They are truly magical and they are great to read back, often bringing us to tears and capturing the struggles of raising children, moving continents etc. They unleash memories when read. We have ten years of them and they are truly amazing and I recommend it as a slightly less involved shared (two way) ritual .

To be honest, I think of something like this as far more intimate and thoughtful than writing a letter once a day. Sure, they're apples and oranges. But taking the time to write a letter each year forces you to think about the year in an anniversarial lens; the meaningful moments, the memories, the struggles, the victories, the journeys.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#179

Post by newshorts »

0x008 wrote: post #44

Is it just me or does anybody else think having to “do” something to want to talk to each other is weird? I feel like the trust between these two was very broken at this point. Usually when both parties have a healthy emotional well being and they like each other (and have kids also, so they have a lot in common I guess?) it would only be normal to want to talk with each other. Looks more like a symptom of fatigue or…

I only have two kids, not four like the author, but I can say it’s impossible to have a real conversation sometimes.

Re: Write a note to your spouse every day

#180

Post by zwirbl »

shp0ngle wrote: post #169
zwirbl wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That is literally the traditional view of the Catholic Church on marriage Can you elaborate on that? Living as an unmarried couple is not very catholic AFAICT, and when not in a relationship, how should you marry?

Yeah of course. The alternative to marrying is living a celibate life, which is seen in Catholic Church as preferable to marriage. Having sex outside of marriage (and, for pleasure only) is of course wrong. As is using contraceptives; as that moves sex to just pleasure.

No wonder the Catholic church is losing members at an unprecedented rate
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