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Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#171

Post by Melting_Harps »

ideamotor wrote: post #162
bradlys wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re getting shit on for no good reason. It’s like people here have never been in a problematic relationship or had to work through things with their partners. I really hope I never have to be or deal with their partners. You’re right. Ideally your partner should support you. You also shouldn’t be thinking of divorcing your wife because of your job - that sounds ridiculous and like your wife is actually a net drain…

Everyone on HN and reddit has to be the most right and be unnecessarily argumentative. And that includes you and me. It’s a compulsion.

> Everyone on HN and reddit has to be the most right and be unnecessarily argumentative. And that includes you and me. It’s a compulsion.

This is exactly why I think social media is cancerous, it normalizes that conversations devolve into a contentious battle of words for dopamine feedback loops. It's pretty pathetic that you think that is how people interact in the real World, perhaps you should interact with people in real life more often to address you 'compulsion' rather than assert your need to do so in every interaction.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#172

Post by em-bee »

Dylan16807 wrote: post #93
em-bee wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix. hard disagree. there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship. OP would not have needed to come here and ask for help if he had been able to talk with his wife about his problems.

> there isn't a single problem that can't be fixed in a good relationship. Do you think that contradicts what you quoted? Yes, you can fix those problems. But sometimes it takes more than love, support, and teamwork. Sometimes you need to make other changes.

i oversimplified. of course it takes more than just love, support and teamwork. you also need to act.

those other changes are the result of love support and teamwork. love, support and teamwork are the necessary conditions to find out what changes are necessary, and to be able to carry them out.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#173

Post by heisenbit »

corrius wrote: post #148

I don't normally comment on HN but reading all the negative vibes made me want to comment. Glad to hear you are doing great! I had to make the decision between a high paying job and a high rewarding job and choosing the second one has been a huge improvement in my life.

Indeed the HN community seems to manage the ‚issue‘ in an overall happy tale. I doubt there are many in a long relationship which did not suffer for a time due to external and not so well understood circumstances. Pull through and better self/us understanding and a stronger relationship can be ahead.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#174

Post by qq66 »

tr1ll10nb1ll wrote: post #128
qq66 wrote: post #23

"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.

OP says he's having fun. I think that's to be prioritized over the better offers, or heck, even the potential downturn that the startup might face itself. If it were a "I got a job, it's cool." condition, leetcode grinding would've been good advice but he says work is 1000x more exciting so I'm assuming he loves it.

Sure, I'm happy for him, but the company can literally vanish, so I'm just saying to be prepared to interview again :)

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#175

Post by qgin »

corrius wrote: post #148

I don't normally comment on HN but reading all the negative vibes made me want to comment. Glad to hear you are doing great! I had to make the decision between a high paying job and a high rewarding job and choosing the second one has been a huge improvement in my life.

HN doesn’t do happy very well.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#176

Post by laserlight »

hawkar20 wrote: post #155
flakyfilibuster wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The negativity is totally warranted: OPs misguided believe in thinking that simply finding a new job will get rid of all his woes is worrisome. Furthermore the fact that a high percentage of commentators are encouraging his stance is counterproductive. This is simplifying a complex situation, which OP should definitely seek professional guidance for before he finds himself in the same situation 5 months from now...

What is he misguided about, and what is the complexity he is simplifying. I ask out of genuine intrigue. Reading the post it comes across as someone who appeared to need to make a change in his life, unsure of what to change. He took a chance on a new role and has found himself happier for it.

OP is mistaking positive feelings (short term, extrinsic) with wellbeing (long term, intrinsic). Their excitement probably allows them to neglect any underlying problems. When the excitement wears off, issues that haven't been addressed are likely to reappear. All of this is purely speculation of course, based on my reading of the post.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#177

Post by philliphaydon »

brailsafe wrote: post #158
philliphaydon wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So I’ve worked ~18 years and never at a stupidly high salary in the US.

Right, so you've made a bunch of money, and can now be a little more picky. I never implied that you were necessarily a millionaire, but it does seem like there's a good chance of it. I ain't sitting in front of my computer because I love it, I do it because I need money.

I haven't made a bunch of money. I never worked for a company earning FANG style income. Outside of America companies don't pay stupidly high salaries like silicon valley.

If ~12k in savings is close to being a millionaire then I'm rolling in it. But I guess I don't need to live a lavious life style.

I just wouldn't accept 250k at a FANG company where I'm a number and hating my job and not having any say or impact. Working for a smaller company and having a life after work with no stress is better.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#178

Post by tsol »

azinman2 wrote: post #153
robochat42 wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that you're missing his point which is that when you are unhappy, it is not always easy to pinpoint the cause of that unhappiness and it is very easy to start casting around for an explanation and end up blaming the wrong part of your life for your misery. You might think that this isn't believable but the unhappiness colours everything in your life and so it isn't as obvious as it seems.

All the more reason to listen to GP. Your partner should be someone to lean on, not blame. They likely don’t see them in the right light.

I'm not sure what this really means in practice, though. Going to them for support is an entirely different thing than feeling distressed that they are insisting on a major life change you disagree with. I don't think it'd be healthier to always agree with them. They're an independent mind, it's inevitable you will butt heads every once in a while

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#179

Post by tsol »

lumost wrote: post #28
s1artibartfast wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is pretty normal for poor mental health to take a toll on relationships. Sometimes the problem really is that simple. But with that said, it is always a good time to work on yourself and relationships.

Shameless plus one, I’ve been with my wife for 10 years - when we’re both happy as individuals were happy as a couple. Sometimes people just need to do the hard work of finding happiness on their own. Someone else can’t make you feel happy with your career.

>Sometimes people just need to do the hard work of finding happiness on their own.

I mean.. it's not like most people haven't tried that. Things are just more complicated than that in real life, and not all problems can be fixed. Consider perhaps you guys are lucky to not have any such issues and are therefore both able to find happiness on your own

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#180

Post by baq »

mastazi wrote: post #85
qq66 wrote: post #23

"Series D startup" may be a very bad place to be very soon. Keep grinding LeetCode.

Not OP but the day startups are no longer viable I will change careers (something I did already in the past, so I know what it entails) rather than grinding leet and trying to find work at some tech mega corp. Salary at the expense of everything else was never the goal.

on that day there might not be many career options open on the market, though
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