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Myths About Introverts

jerrybrito.org

171–180 of 194 posts

Re: Myths About Introverts

#171
post #8

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Yes, this is often called being rude. It may be true that by this guys definition introverts don't mean to be rude, but if a person (introvert or otherwise) acts as described above, that is rude.

If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it. Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social n…

How about really caring about people. Asking them how their day is going, cracking a joke to make someone smile. That's what smalltalk is really about.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#172
post #161
post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being rude is also largely cultural. Sometimes American niceties although superficially are very pleasant can get tiring to people who tend to be more introverted and are from cultures that are more straightforward. Many people I've personally known complain that German flight attendants seem rude which I think is more a cultural difference than anything else. Similarly, however difficult it might be, one must always…

I met a 70-year-old South African man living in Arizona. He mentioned one of the strange things about polite behaviour was sending 'thank you' cards. He said it was more for his generation and wasn't so much with the younger folks, but basically he was saying you would visit someone and stay with them, and it didn't matter if you thanked them profusely and gave them gifts or paid for dinners to show gratitude, you st…

(to clarify, the 'thank you' note was a US thing, strange to a South African upbringing)

Re: Myths About Introverts

#173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And yet he's presumably able to pull these girls, in a wild extroverted setting like a club, where a girl is rarely alone, and competition is fierce. So he can't swim, but when he needs to get to the other side of the lake, he beats Michael Phelps.

No, you got it wrong. Noone said anything about my success rate, which is laughable. I am just saying I am introverted, and shy but I do talk to women. Yes, competition is there, but what should I do instead? Cry about my inability to be a social butterfly.

First off, I want to say I'm on your side. I've got nothing but good things to say about you getting out there and making an effort. So ultimately this is just a semantic argument. I still think you've overcome "shy" if you can approach in a club. Inverted, sure, but not shy. Regardless, semantic arguments really are the worst kind, so I'm letting this one go. Keep fighting the good fight.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#174
post #104
post #52

Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a…

"What, you don't want to go to the Nicki Minaj concert?" "Let me explain. You see, I'm an introvert...." I'm an introvert as some people classify them and I certainly wouldn't say that. I'm far more likely to say something along the lines of: "I'm pretty tired right now and just want to get some rest. Maybe next time. Thanks for asking though." It's not that I don't like going to concerts. It's really more about whet…

Bravo! When I found the introvert definition I didn't feel like I was locking myself into an "introverted identity" box. I was discovering that many other people feel the same way that I do, and it was incredibly liberating.

Even though I identify as being introverted, people are usually surprised when I say that I'm introverted. They feel like I am sociable and even extroverted.

A few years ago I gave myself a hard time about it-- why couldn't I keep up with social scenes like others could? Why do parties always burn me out? Identifying as an introvert has explained these facets, and given me the understanding to overcome them when I need to.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#175

Here's a myth held by introverts. Introverts (rightly) believe that extroverts don't understand them, but they don't understand extroverts as well as they think they do. Case in point, the commonly held belief on HN that extroverts mostly BS their way through life while the introverts are doing the real work. In reality we introverts probably don't understand how incredibly nuanced seemingly superficial relationships…

As an introvert, i understand very well how extroverts think. For years i tried to become more extroverted, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fullfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. The nuance of conversation is a charm, it fades fast. The way I see it is time management: life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with…

life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with people or things?

Common misconception about introversion vs extraversion: that it always manifests in interactions with other people. The reality is that they define how you deal with the outer world. For instance, riding a roller coaster is an extraverted activity, even if you go alone. Staying home and reading a book is an introverted activity even if you invite someone else to read with you.

When you say you like "things", that's still an extraverted attitude. Things still exist in the outer world. The real question is "Do you prefer the outer world or your inner world?" This is the question that helped me realize that I'm an (unfocused, non-goal-oriented) extravert.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#176
post #42

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meetin…

My main gripe with this article is: it heavily mixes symptoms of social anxiety, chronic shyness, downright rude behavior and the "typical" traits hacker are said to have... and then calls it "introvert".

The real reasons other people see you as "introvert" can be plentiful so it is actually pretty ignorant to attribute all introverts with those "myths".

Re: Myths About Introverts

#177
post #52

Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a…

Ok, so I upvoted you, but maaan do you have it wrong. I am the definition of introversion (to myself, avoid crowds, do not need to chat with everyone at the party, content with silence that others think is awkward, definitely do not want to ever be the center of attention, like to be alone with my thoughts ...) "What, you don't want to go to the Nicki Minaj concert?" "Let me explain. You see, I'm an introvert...." I…

I have been to concerts by myself ... I have been to the movies alone.

yep, me too. I find there's a huge difference, to do with what's expected of you. At a movie or a concert, there's no requirement for social interaction, so it takes a lot less energy than, say a party at someone's house. The presence of lots of other people does not in itself make the situation tiring. In fact it can feel liberating to be there but not have any expectations put upon you.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#178
post #85
post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are seriously conflating "social anxiety disorder" and "introversion." The idea that a concert would "drain you so much it will be hard to enjoy" or that an introvert would have a tough time interacting with a group long enough to go on a rock climbing trip is essentially saying that an introverted person is somehow handicapped, or pushed to their introversion by a type of mental disorder. I identify as an introv…

You are seriously conflating "social anxiety disorder" and "introversion." The idea that a concert would "drain you so much it will be hard to enjoy" or that an introvert would have a tough time interacting with a group long enough to go on a rock climbing trip is essentially saying that an introverted person is somehow handicapped, or pushed to their introversion by a type of mental disorder. Yep, that's exactly my…

I've noticed that most extroverts think like this. People who are extroverted usually have problems understanding what being introverted is like, and usually just see it as a different label to give social anxiety a more socially acceptable image, since it seems it's easier to understand for them. They assume everybody is an extrovert, just like them, but some people just feel social anxiety and call themselves extroverts. What you call "the traditional use" seems to me like the traditional misconception about introverts.

I'm an introvert myself, and I don't feel social anxiety. I grew up thinking I was shy, since my introversion seemed to be traditionally and socially identified with shyness, but at one point I realized I didn't feel social anxiety at all. It actually seemed to me that extrovert were much more worried about social situations and how they were perceived socially than me.

I don't try to explain my introversion to extroverts because I've noticed most of them don't get it. This makes it hard to use as an excuse, or even as a reasonable reason for your behaviour. I get dragged to social situations sometimes because extroverted people just assume I'll have fun if I just relax a bit, and sometimes I accept because I don't want to be rude. The result is I don't feel anxious or anything like that, I just get bored fast and want to go home soon. If I were actually interested in some activity being an introvert wouldn't get in the way, because being interested in it would keep my interest. It's just that social activities don't usually keep my interest for too long. They just feel like a boring waste of time to me, not something that makes me anxious.

This doesn't mean I don't enjoy social situations sometimes. I enjoy parties and concerts and stuff like that. I'm just the kind of guy who leaves the party early with some kind of excuse, not because of social anxiety, but because I'm starting to get tired and bored with the whole thing. I don't ever use "I'm an introvert" as an excuse, since I know people will not get it. I don't use it and I don't see other people use it to explain why they do certain things or don't do other things.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#179
I have to agree with some other commenters that although this article is accurate enough, it establishes a view of introversion that's so rigidly determined, so reified, and so self-perpetuating and self-justifying that I find it hard to recognize and certainly hard to endorse as a lifestyle. The personality type and lifestyle here is a sort of baseline tendency for introverts (like myself), but there's so much more leeway and growth possible within the most introverted soul that it makes me a little sad to see something so pat about these tendencies (and the whole dopamine thing—well, let's just say I Am Not A Neuroscientist but I suspect that Dr. Laney isn't one either).

A couple commenters have suggested that instead of wholly embracing these practices—especially the ones about being rude to people—it's advantageous, for job purposes, to meet women, to learn to at least put up with talking to other people. To be honest it's been kind of entertaining to hear from introverts who view the great extroverted mob like an enemy camp, to be infiltrated—at great personal expense, but to great personal reward—by learning to mimic their ways.

I want to suggest that it's possible to actually learn to enjoy being social and meeting people. You know, for its own sake. While it's true that eventually one will find that they might need to make relationships with other people so they can do camping trips and get laid and such, I have found that actually humanizing people, rather than treating them as ends to means, is more satisfying and healthy in the long run. Further, while it's nice to try to maintain a few close relationships, I think it's more satisfying and healthy to learn to get beyond a simplistic superficial/real binary with your human relationships—and by extension, with other people.

There are lots of ways to be introverted without seeing nearly the whole raft of humanity as psychic vampires, or insensitive extroverts, or simply resource repositories that you need to interact with. If you treat a work relationship or a bank teller with this attitude of, 'I'm not interested in superficial small talk. You only exist to me for the purposes of sending and receiving information or resources', you will not ONLY be alone when you want to go camping, but you will also be spiritually and emotionally impoverished.

The good news is, it IS possible to learn to enjoy talking with other people, even if it's ultimately tiring. I mean, most things in life are tiring. That's the nature of energy—we spend it on doing things. But you can be mindful of your energy level (and I might suggest, blood sugar) without having to abstain from all human contact. In fact, you can even enjoy human contact. The last 8 or so years of my life has been in a large part about learning to enjoy human contact—and I've learned to enjoy it by learning to be _good_ at it. I am now, I am glad to say, a pretty charming guy. I tell good stories, I meet people well, I dress well, I make a good impression. This means that I don't have trouble meeting women or finding partners for the activities that I like, but it also means that I derive actual satisfaction from the practice of social skills. I like exercising my expertise, like most people, and I like the rewards I get—social reinforcement, positive feedback, that sort of thing. And I think that's been the key for me. I didn't decide to embark on a project of self-improvement and socialization because it was necessary for my eventual professional success. I learned to get off on doing a good job at social behavior. Introvert or not, it still _feels good_ to be a charming, likeable person. It just means I take a nap afterwards.

Re: Myths About Introverts

#180
post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Haha. As a white guy, I perfectly understand how black guys think. For years I tried to become more black, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fulfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. My real point is that anyone who believes they KNOW how anyone else thinks is wrong. It's a very egotistical thought to have that you know so well what a…

What makes you so sure there is really a binary divide between introverts and extroverts? Even if it shows up on tests, whose to say that's not a learned behavior?

I'm not sure what you mean by binary divide, but the reason why some is introverted versus extroverted fascinate me. It's a pretty basic question - learned behavior versus instinctual/genetic behavior. Maybe it's somewhere in the middle?

Here's what I think: as a young kid, you get exposed to things that shape your attitude. If your early experiences are negative in social settings, perhaps you grow up to be introverted. But what happened first - your negative experiences, or an attitude that pre-disposed you towards negative social experiences? Can little little kids have attitudes like that? Hard to day - how do we really know?

I don't care what physical science has to say on it regarding brain maturity, neuro-pathways, etc - unless we can communicate with infants, we don't know if they have pre-disposed attitudes or thoughts.

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