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What If You Could Do It All Over?

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Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#171

Post by joncrane »

Haul4ss wrote: post #23

You can't, so don't bother thinking about it. You can make changes today that will pay dividends in 10 years, so maybe focus on that instead. I was widowed pretty young (as widowers go), so I have done my share of playing the what-if game with the past. Ultimately it is not a productive exercise, and I try not to do it. If I catch myself dwelling in unlived lives, I try to refocus on the one still in front of me.

Exactly. Try to imagine the "what if" games you will be playing in your own head in 10 years, and try to optimize for that.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#172

Post by Bakary »

person_of_color wrote: post #2

Definitely not be a software engineer. No one told me how incredibly low the social status is. EDIT: I guess it was suspicious that 99% of my high school circle picked law or finance or business courses instead.

Wanting high status out of just being a type of professional is like expecting status out of purchasing an iPhone.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#173

Post by ReactiveJelly »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #17

It’s worth thinking about how we measure how “good” a life is and if that is superficial and too much influenced by fashion. For example the cliche is go travelling or get rich starting a business. “I raised kids” doesn’t have the same boastworthyness in a lot of circles, but arguably it’s more interesting. Or maybe not. What’s the life well lived metric?

For me?

I wish I was happy. And I think some hard-to-treat mental illness is preventing my day-to-day happiness.

When I feel envious of others, it's not only that they're rich and they travel a lot. They also have friends. They might even have a family they care about. They have hobbies and they have _something_ to do. A lot of them say they have problems with mental health, but you can't film a year-long depressive episode and upload it to YouTube, so I have to take their word for it. And in truth I don't. The world seems clean-split between people who have everything and people who have it even harder than me, and I always just feel alone in this middle ground, where I have all the material elements to be healthy and happy but I can't put them together.

I have many things other people want, but I never find myself sitting back and saying "I'm glad I have this." I always want things I can't have, and it hurts a lot.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#174

Post by Bakary »

sanderjd wrote: post #33
ronyeh wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Upvoted though I disagree with you. I'm sure there is a wide variance of outcomes in software, but I think if you work at it, you can make a fulfilling career out of software. Don't give up, as it is possible your current job just isn't a right fit for you. Counter anecdote: I know law and finance and business folks who wished they studied more computers.

In my experience that's because they think our work is easier and that we do less of it than they do, for more pay. But that actually goes to the parent's point; lazy entitled and overpaid is part of the low status perception.

Having a lot of money without working is a far greater sign of status. That's what being a noble is mostly about!

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#175

Post by indigochill »

Retric wrote: post #85
indigochill wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What’s the life well lived metric? I grew up Christian, and among Christian young people a common question was "What's God's plan for my life?" In that context, I came across Micah 6:8 which spells it out about as plainly as you'll find anywhere: "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" That seems like a…

with your God is a rather major point you just ignored from that line. No offense intended, I simply thought it was quite interesting.

In my mental model it's implied, since people are the image of God and so being humble towards them is being humble towards God (and I'm not sure there's a context where humility exists independently of other people).

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#176

Post by F_J_H »

acwan93 wrote: post #8

This reminds me of “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, which has a quote Aziz Ansari used in his series “Master of None”: > "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,…

Reminds me of "Buridan's ass" named after a 14th century French philosopher who described a donkey dying of starvation while standing between two perfectly good stacks of hay, because it couldn't decide which to eat.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#177

Post by blhack »

ReactiveJelly wrote: post #164
war1025 wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Youtube has been recommending a lot of Jordan Peterson to me lately. I know there are people who hate on him for basically misinterpretations of things he has said regarding transgender issues. But then on top of that, there are right wing people that hate him equally much and think he's basically a nonsense-spouting sycophant. I guess listening to the things he has to say, I think they are on par with the more usefu…

The dude is really hard to understand. He says a lot of stuff that just seems like vague unactionable self-help advice. So I err on the side of caution by assuming he isn't worth listening to. He also reeks of certainty, like I'm wrong just for asking what the fuck he's trying to tell me because it's so obvious... to him.

The clip that OP linked to is a 9 minute segment of a semester long, graduate level psychology class. It shouldn't be surprising that it is hard to follow without some additional context.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#178

Post by imgabe »

closeparen wrote: post #155
imgabe wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's fine if you're OK with the kinds of dates that go home with you because of your impressive-sounding job.

I don't think that's as shallow as you make it sound. I'd rather have respect for being a successful adult who exercises a skill to create value, for doing something difficult and being good at it, than for my taste in music or something.

Those things are independent of status, though. You can be a successful plumber who exercises your skill to create value, but status-conscious types would still consider you low-status.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#179

Post by ReactiveJelly »

_nckn wrote: post #95

I always consider my life is strange. Born in a 3rd world country in a broken home, families fight like in drama, many divorces and remarriage. I went where whoever my current father at that time went, moving from city to city, school to school. Then I find myself in the US, from odd jobs such as dry clean, laundry, sushi, deli, to church admin, to now working as SWE in one of big US tech company in NYC. Married a wi…

> I feel very insignificant every time I think about this and I realize, there are millions, and billions of people in this planet with stories as unique or more unique than me.

And less unique.

From my house, I can drive to my hometown, visit my family, and drive back in one day. I left the USA once, except for that I never spent a continuous week outside of the state where I was born.

A lot of people online say that travel makes you a better person. But it's expensive, so I have to just hope I'm not missing too much.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#180

Post by onecommentman »

closeparen wrote: post #155
imgabe wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's fine if you're OK with the kinds of dates that go home with you because of your impressive-sounding job.

I don't think that's as shallow as you make it sound. I'd rather have respect for being a successful adult who exercises a skill to create value, for doing something difficult and being good at it, than for my taste in music or something.

Taking the “more dates” comment with justification at face value and assuming it to be true, the additional dates are primarily attracted to your job, as stated.

It is reasonable to infer that these additional dates are actually interested in dating your job, and your essential self and body are just along for the ride. Your job goes, you go.

The problem is you will forget this at some point and start thinking a particular date actually cares about you personally.

Do yourself a favor to save your future self some pain. Take your CV, in paper form, roll it up into a cylinder, and dip it into latex. You should have a latex wand of about 8 inches in length. Wrap it with a few hundred dollar bills, gift this to your date and run away as fast as your feet will take you. You’re welcome...you’ve just saved yourself 10s to 100s of thousands of dollars and many hours of misery.

Details may vary depending on gender, economic status and the local currency.

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