> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” > If it wasn’t that, maybe it was also because I am gay. My mother was never really happy about this Ah, the absolute pinnacle of neurosis parenting. That's a solid one-two punch to the child's psyche, which gives them a drive to please while at the same time ensuring it can never be met. Well done; you ensured your chil…
> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” I've had stuff like this from parents. Nothing is ever good enough, I have a friend who is massively more successful than me that I've been friends with since we were children. Went to same nursery, school and university. When I told my parents I got a bonus one year, instead of great, well done. I got asked how much, fo…
The worst part is that they went above and beyond for our education. So now I constantly hear about how they sacrificed their pleasure for us and how we are so ungrateful. They complain that I cannot take a little bit of constructive criticism. Which makes me feel even more guilty. Perhaps I am too sensitive.
I am pretty successful, more successful than most people my parents are actually friends with. I support them financially more than most of my friends. But, of course, that's not good enough for them. Lately, my mom stopped talking with me because I defended my son against their criticism.
In our culture, parents and elders are like God, we are not supposed to say anything back. From childhood, they start programming our heads with stuff like children owe so much to parents, there is heaven under mother's feet, and a lot other such sayings.
I have been to therapists for this and they all recommended that I distance myself from my parents but this is something I just cannot do. They provided food, shelter, the best education. They were there, it is not like they abandoned me. So how can I leave them.
There is a lot of support and literature about parents who abandoned their children or were physically abusive but you don't hear songs about parents who emotionally abused their kids. I don't know how to deal with this.