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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#171

Post by WhompingWindows »

vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

The only thing I regret about not having FB anymore: I don't know when peoples' birthdays are.

For the entire history of humanity, we didn't know anything about anyone's lives unless we saw or talked or heard about them. I don't consider it a loss to not know distance acquaintances' life updates...if it's important, I'll hear it from other FB users or from an important friend.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#172

Post by vonseel »

irrational wrote: post #161
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I've never used social media and I sometimes wonder what other people think when they ask me what my account name is and I tell them I don't have one. They've never seemed to care that I don't have an account. What goes through your head when someone tells you that they don't have a social media account?

> What goes through your head when someone tells you that they don't have a social media account?

Up until a few years ago, it wasn't common but it wasn't super rare. I knew more than a handful of people who didn't have any Facebook/Insta/etc. accounts and mostly I just assumed they wanted to keep their personal lives private from friends and colleagues.

In recent years though, I can only think of two persons that I know directly who I could not find a trace of online. The first was a smart programmer I assumed to be into HN privacy-activism type groups or something like Anonymous. The second, which was more baffling, is someone I knew in college that appears to have disappeared off the face of the planet, and I thought maybe he had died until someone told me he "doesn't want to be found".

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#173

Post by WhompingWindows »

not_a_cop75 wrote: post #6

Being the person who shouts loudest "I am somebody" on social media does not make you somebody worth listening to. This narcissism is the key problem of social media. Oddly enough, social media made it's big entrance via movie stars - I could not possibly be any less surprised at this. It would befit social media to rate someone with importance not according to a check or star but according to actual real world accom…

> Oddly enough, social media made it's big entrance via movie stars - I could not possibly be any less surprised at this.

Is this true? I don't recall that occurring, it seemed more like a young-techie-people, grassroots phenomenon when people started using MySpace and FB.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#174

Post by tvanantwerp »

mumblemumble wrote: post #69

I think that it's going to turn out that social media is like coffee: It's fine, even healthy, for some people, and harmful to others. And I would think that's fine, except that I fall into the latter group, and social media has come to consume so much of the online world that it means that I can't avoid it without excluding myself from large swathes of public life. I don't volunteer at my kids' school because coordi…

Speaking as someone who can't drink caffeine without a painful pins and needles sensation (thanks levofloxacin!), I'd say the analogy works quite well.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#175

Post by SonicSoul »

vonseel wrote: post #22

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

while i hate FB so much for their shitty practices I keep it because i find it very valuable to see what's going on with distant family and friends and to share my photos to keep my personal photography hobby going...

for me the trick is that i set my password to random and keep it locked in keepass and never installed the app, never logged in from work computer. so i do only check in 1-2 / week and only briefly. that's enough to catch up on extended circle, local skateboarding groups etc, but not waste too much time on memes. i am also hopeful that without sharing any personal info and installing the app FB does not track too much about me .. maybe just wishful thinking!

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#176

Post by vonseel »

coldtea wrote: post #144
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

> I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. As opposed to faux-connected through FB though?

You're not wrong.

I guess it depends on where you are in life on how much it matters to you. Personally, I'm single and live alone, so it's nice to keep a superficial awareness of people I met in school not that many years ago. If I were married and having my own kids, I'd probably have enough social contact at home and through my wife and kids that I don't really care about observing others' lives from 1000 feet away.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#178

Post by bjornjaja »

celticmusic wrote: post #146
fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

yeah, I've never understood myspace or FB. I remember when myspace was first blowing up, people were talking about having 100 friends, which always blew me away. I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with that many friends. I had a brief 1-2 year stint on FB where someone finally convinced me to get on it, and I had 13 friends on there. All of them people I know and hang out with regularly in real life. All I ever did…

At its core Facebook is a great and useful tool, but like everything else that is sold to corporate influence its primary purpose rots away. It _should be_ a way to interact with close friends and family, but it’s become a breeding ground for ads, and ads welcome misinformation—for the right price.

Honestly—there’s no reason a social network can’t be decentralized these days. Give people back their friendship circles and their information.

My understanding of Facebook is that it taps into human necessity for socialization, but it’s only masquerading as such and yields too-many, and over-stimulating relationships based on false pretense.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#179

Post by Loughla »

IanDrake wrote: post #67
mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

How did you get 17,000 HN points? Did look something like this: https://serendipitygreece.com/wp-content/uploads/comforting-... To me, this is the problem with seeking validation through these systems. You are rewarded for saying pleasing things and for conforming to group think. Why don't you spend down your points by playing devil's advocate? Then, when you run low on points, you can fill-up-the-tank by saying nice…

Or why don't you just post your actual beliefs and thoughts without worrying about the votes, or being devil's advocate needlessly (subsequently, whenever I've encountered someone playing 'devil's advocate' they are saying the things they want to say, but are too afraid of the reaction of those around them to actually own that)?

Honestly, if your opinions are being hammered on a site, regardless of the site, you have one of two things:

(a) an unhealthy forum/circlejerk

(b) shithead opinions.

It's up to you to figure out which it is.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#180

Post by vonseel »

polygotdomain wrote: post #118
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

The thing that makes this so much harder is that there's still an algorithm between you and your FB feed. Even if you feel you're good the check in once a week, you still don't see the "important" posts and there's still mindless noise in your feed. I don't know if there's a way to curate this, but I've found that FB is all or nothing for me (and I feel better with nothing)

Yeah, I haven't done any tests on this myself but the algorithm is frustrating. I see a lot of posts from people I am not that close with, but I don't really scroll the feed anymore. The only people who really like my posts are family members, and I've heard that once Facebook marks a post as "relevant to family" then it mostly gets pushed to your relatives' newsfeeds, so I'm not sure if non-family people are even seeing my posts.
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