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‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

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Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#171

Post by [deleted] »

warent wrote: post #56
simonsarris wrote: post #11

"We should be more honest about the real tradeoffs between endless wanderlust/adventure-seeking and putting down real roots. The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." (Friend's comment on article) Polly's reply is so shameless (including promoting her own book in the reply) that it's incredible just how badly it missed the po…

"The things that make for a great instagram feed or Bumble profile are very different from those of permanence that help us live well." Maybe it depends on the mindset and intent. After all, what is truly permanent in this life? If you approach traveling as a practice of impermanence and presence, then it can be a very broadening, empowering experience. Traveling can be an excellent lesson on the transient nature of…

[deleted]

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#173

Post by Johnny555 »

CPLX wrote: post #68

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, shorter of br…

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking

And you might be racing for something you don't really want.

Figure out what you really want before you chase after it. If you're unmarried at 35, do you really want children, or do you think that you're supposed to have children and that doing so will make you feel more fulfilled? Not everyone needs or wants to be a parent and there's nothing wrong with not being one.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#174

Post by danso »

throw12900 wrote: post #34

I should probably add some context. This article was linked several times in "manosphere", including a few response videos. This woman is fine, healthy, relatively young. Men face the very same "invisibility problem" their whole lives.

Even if we agree for the sake of argument that today, men and women have reached parity when it comes to career opportunity, that doesn't instantaneously undo the decades/centuries of traditional notion that a woman is not complete without marriage and motherhood. Men face the same pressure, but nowhere near the magnitude, nor the inherent limitations.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#175

Post by ryanmercer »

fencepost wrote: post #32

I'm astonished that the columnist didn't advise something that seems blindingly obvious to me: find a therapist to talk to - not someone who's going to automatically say "have some Prozac" but someone outside yourself to talk with about these issues. That letter just screams depression (or maybe bipolar on a downswing), but some of it may be just needing to figure out where and what you want to be.

> That letter just screams depression (or maybe bipolar on a downswing),

Um no. It sounds like someone with no people to spend time with, that's living paycheck to paycheck, that is one financial emergency from financial ruin.

That doesn't automatically equate depression. When you're worrying if somethings going to happen tomorrow that leaves you penniless that other people around you wouldn't even notice the cost of, and you don't have another human as an outlet and for reassurance, you get frustrated and angry and cold and distant and apathetic all at once. You have to or you go nuts.

I don't see her as depressed at all, and unless you are licensed to practice mental health you haven't any business armchair diagnosing someone.

See my parent comment in this thread, I'm not depressed. I've got a few hundred dollars to my name, a ged, no degree, have been rejected by multiple companies this year, will most likely contract and die of cancer before I die of old age, don't have anyone I can call to hang out with, don't have anyone to call if I have an emergency and need help, don't have anyone to ring me up and ask how my life is going without wanting something.

I'm not depressed, I'm fucking tired. I imagine she's not depressed either, just tired. Worn out. In need of something to go in her favor for a change.

It's perfectly normal to feel despair and frustration with your life, that doesn't automatically make you depressed.

Try walking in her shoes, or my shoes, are millions of other shoes. We get out of bed in the morning and ranger the fuck up because we have to to survive. Just because we aren't excited to run off to our shitty jobs and come home to our empty lonely lives doesn't make us depressed, it makes us disadvantaged.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#176

Post by steve-benjamins »

ppeetteerr wrote: post #167
rayiner wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree that this is bad advice. I'm 35. I've got a wife, two kids, and a weird house with tons of maintenance projects. My parents live five minutes away, and I spend most weekends at Home Depot or hanging out in my parents' living room with the kids. I work too much and don't sleep enough. And I'm blissfully happy. I say this is bad advice not because I think what makes me happy will make everyone happy. I know lot…

What if those who travel and live a nomad life aught not have kids?

He literally said "I know lots of people would find a life with kids in the suburbs stifling."

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#177

Post by MRD85 »

ep103 wrote: post #149
MRD85 wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 33 and male, I find it amazing how the dating balance has shifted since I was 23. If I wanted I could easily line up multiple dates per week with women who I'd date. When I was younger a lot of women wouldn't give me the time of day.

Honest question, how do you meet them? I find things like dating apps are horribly tilted to the young?

Mainly dating apps. I live in a very large city and I keep my age filters somewhat appropriate (27-35). If you struggle with dating apps I'd recommend getting decent photos, even if you need to pay a photographer and spend a day taking good Tinder/etc photos. Dating, even from people looking for serious partners, is a very shallow game. The more attractive someone finds you, the more interest they'll show you. This makes conversation much easier.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#178

Post by squish78 »

throwanem wrote: post #135
someguydave wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He’s helping Haunted by telling her the unvarnished truth. She can still do something positive with her life but many doors are now closed for her.

I understand that is what he thinks he’s doing, yes.

What answer are you fishing for?

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#179

Post by mc32 »

8bitsrule wrote: post #146
mc32 wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m reminded of a story an English tracher once related to us. A friend of the group decided to go off and teach English in Spain, had lots of fun and few worries, life was wonderful and friends back home felt “jealous”. But this person returned one day, many years later with little in the sense of career accomplishment and security (dunno what prompted the move back, age, money, career, crisis?). Moral was when they…

'little but transitory happiness' There are many people in the world who will never know happiness. Life itself is transitory, 'accomplishment' is not a substitute for it, 'security' is a dream. Old men may say 'Youth is wasted on the young'; I say bravo to the young who drink life to the lees. When you sell today, can you be so sure of tomorrow?

I guess thr issue with this person (and many others) is that they didn’t have a network, experience, etc., to fall back on in order to take steps to get back on track. Basically they would have to start from scratch. Teaching ESL in some far away place doesn’t buy you much either here or even there (unless you wanna continue in a dead-end job). Also, ESL teachers tend to be young. Older ones are rare and kids don’t prefer them-they like hip “older kids” to “teach them” not “dad”.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#180

Post by 52-6F-62 »

keiferski wrote: post #141
52-6F-62 wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> like the fact that Legos are sold as pre-planned structures and not generic building blocks This is completely tangential, but to be fair they're sold in both ways. I'm what most people would call a grown man, but I still can't help myself (or my girlfriend sometimes) and we pick up the odd set. You can still buy large sets of mixed blocks, as well as the models. I've got a few models posted around my place because…

Yeah you can still buy them, but when I was a kid 25 years ago, there were no corporate-branded sets and “classic” Legos were the default.

I hear you, but this isn't a new conundrum in creative fields/play.

Artists' studios have long worked in a similar way, employing others to continually emulate an original ideal that an artist would ultimately brand.

I understand it's a little different, but we don't regret people admiring da Vinci as much as they do. People haven't stopped painting since the works of masters, and in many cases are inspired to see what is possible— and people still paint as a creative act. With reference to Lego— I covet that Apollo Saturn rocket model, and I'm often in awe of some of the creativity and skill that has gone into many of the models designed in their studios.

I grew up in the age of Lego models, though less sophisticated than they are now— I did start with my mother's early 70's sets.

Maybe the issue lies elsewhere— not that the predesigned models exist at all, but the consumerist motivation to just buy up those [models] for children instead of first exposing them to the basics without any other aspiration and gradually increasing exposure. I mean, that's how we've done painting for a long time— the kids get finger paints, wax crayons and cheap newsprint first. Then later they can see some master works, and maybe get a paint-by-numbers to see that their hands are just as capable of producing the same with the right practice.

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