No mention of genetics. The Finns are different from the rest of Europe.
When gnomAD, the current largest population sequencing project clustered Euro genomes together the biggest divide was between Finns and non Finns.
How the Finnish survive without small talk
171–180 of 208 posts
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#172Earlier quoted context omitted.
As an American, I had to learn the same thing. Only as a young kid, but I specifically remember this experience. I think most people forget this, that you have to learn that a lot of conversation is not literal, it is opaque code for something else. I am still a pretty literal conversationalist but I can translate fluently. A friend had a great anecdote about his first meal with his girlfriend's family. The father as…
Story time: At a party of math students, the following dialogue happened between classmates (names changed): Alice: "Do you know whether Carol will come to the party?" Bob: "She will come, but somewhat later. I think she will be there in half an hour." Alice: "I am not interested in whether she will come or not. If I wanted to know that information, I would simply have asked you whether she will come and if you did n…
Why did Alice want to know whether Bob knew if Carol was coming, but didn't want to know if Carol was coming? That seems like a weird thing to want to know.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#173Earlier quoted context omitted.
How do Finns flirt without smalltalk? Just jump straight to 'do you find me attractive?' and 'do you want to date?' Though admittedly I used to work with an Irish guy whose sole chat-up line was 'are ye ridin?' and who had considerable success.
Entirely anecdotal but my one experience of Finnish "flirting" consisted of telling fairly rude stories over a large bottle of vodka at the kitchen table (at the house we were both lodging in). When I felt it was time for bed, we both went upstairs. I went to go to my room, on my own, and she said "no, we'll use my room". Or words to that effect. At no point, up till then, had it occurred to me there was anything bet…
This is 100% Scandinavian romance.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#174Silence is great, but there's something more to small talk than just filling silence. Small talk primes the pump for some good conversation. I can't tell you how many times I've come across great conversations and tidbits of information that I'd never have if I didn't chat up with some kind of nonsense to start the conversation. Or alternatively if someone else didn't. The initial part of the conversation is useless,…
I feel this is in the same vein as asking every girl on the street if she wants to have a drink. That definitely can be one way to meet one’s life partner. But it’s so grating from the other side, even if the request is very polite and non pushy. Some people live for the human contact, others don’t want any. Honestly it’s a PITA when the social norm puts an obligation to respond, even briefly, to not seem rude. If it…
If it’s a protocol, there should be an option to just drop the incomming packets and go on with one’s life.
This. Now if any of those influencers could start a campaign to make a short signal socially acceptable for "drop communications".
I vote for making an X with your index fingers.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#175I have trouble making small talk but I enjoy listening to it. I genuinely enjoy listening to what's going on in people's lives, even if it's not very exciting. I try to remember things people say and ask about it next time. I find it better than just generic questions. People seem to enjoy talking about themselves and i've found it goes a long way just caring and remembering a little bit the little things going on in people's lives.
Conversely I find when I do mention little things in small talk with people they actually tend to remember more than I think they will. Not everyone, but there's definitely people that do and it does feel nice.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#176Earlier quoted context omitted.
It looks like I would love to live in Finland! I'm always annoyed by passengers in the bus talking loudly while I try to read my book. This is very common. Commuters are very noisy in Turkey. Also I wonder if in Finland they announce stations in public transportation. Like "next station is blah blah..." Here in Turkey in big cities they even announce stations in Turkish and in English! So annoying.
Announcements are super important for people with visual difficulties, though. I agree that there can often be far too much noise in public spaces, but that’s probably the wrong target to pick!
This may be true. But it does not make sense to violate personal spaces of millions of people for the possibility that one blind person will be in the train. I never encountered a blind commuter but I'm sure they exist. In my country people would be extremely helpful and would tell them their stop and help them get out. To me clean and quiet public transportation is a sign of civilization.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#177Earlier quoted context omitted.
Story time: At a party of math students, the following dialogue happened between classmates (names changed): Alice: "Do you know whether Carol will come to the party?" Bob: "She will come, but somewhat later. I think she will be there in half an hour." Alice: "I am not interested in whether she will come or not. If I wanted to know that information, I would simply have asked you whether she will come and if you did n…
Why did Alice want to know whether Bob knew if Carol was coming, but didn't want to know if Carol was coming? That seems like a weird thing to want to know.
Alice was building a social graph model of ppl attending the party?
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#178Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why did Alice want to know whether Bob knew if Carol was coming, but didn't want to know if Carol was coming? That seems like a weird thing to want to know.
Alice was building a social graph model of ppl attending the party?
I think you missed a step (or maybe I did?)...
Alice wanted to know if BOB had built a social graph of people attending the party.
BTW, your comment was pretty funny either way.
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#179"But if you’re lucky, sometimes a stranger will instantly become a friend and tell you everything."
Damn! doesn't sound like luck to me ... and I'm far from Finnish. (At least I think so, even though I did once dive from sauna into ice-covered water.)
Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk
#180"Finns think if there’s no important topic to discuss, there’s no conversation at all." Nothing wrong with that. There's certainly too much of the opposite in the world.
I like how Finns do it. I personally am pretty fine with being silent for a while, even in a company of others. I always have things to think about. But I feel in many places the social expectation is that you have to talk about... something. No matter what, but silence is awkward. That is exhausting sometimes.