Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely • Hacker News Board

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#171

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:35 PM UTC

15155 wrote: post #142

jschwartzi wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think if you want the world to be this way you should just do what you want to do anyway. Life is too short to care what some random group of strangers at a concert thinks, anyway. You're not hurting anyone and I think you're normalizing good behavior. Nobody is going to call the cops on you for complementing their jacket. I've stopped letting myself be bothered and it's actually done wonders for my social life. An…

I think this hits the nail on the head: who cares? Who cares what these people (who are judging you for meeting someone in public) think? They're very unlikely to be anyone meaningful if they're doing that, since being a good conversationalist is a trait that most successful people possess.

[deleted]

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#172

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:37 PM UTC

gwbas1c wrote: post #61

Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Some of my best friends were random strangers at first. IMO, the problem has nothing to do with the internet. Instead, the problem has more to do with poorly controlling marketing and homelessness. Political correctness also takes a toll. When I lived in the Bay Area, most of the time I was randomly approached, "on the street," it was from a homeless pers…

[deleted]

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#173

Post by m23khan » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:41 PM UTC

Internet is the culprit - as humans we have replaced interacting in physical world with a digital world and thus the physical world is becoming more and more of a barren place when it comes to social interaction. In modern society, unless it is a dedicated club of some sorts or at a party or if it is pre-arranged, social interactions just don't happen.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#174

Post by StillBored » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:42 PM UTC

bunderbunder wrote: post #70

simmanian wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do think people tend to engage with strangers a lot less often than they had "back then," but I cannot agree modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction at all. You can see people interacting with strangers on college campuses, at music events, and at grocery stores all the time.

But, still, it seems to be a big enough difference that I could see it easily engendering a lot more loneliness. Even 10 or 15 years ago - at the time I had a job that was 100% travel time, and found I could generally bootstrap a decent social life in a new town by just going to the nearest cafe and striking up conversations with neighbors. Nowadays, though, most people are engrossed in some piece of electronics or o…

Frequently the phone is being used as a shield. Otherwise people feel that they are looking bored/lonely. A good percentage of the time people will put the phone down if you start talking to them though.

(not that I disagree the phone as shield makes the problem worse).

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#175

Post by sp332 » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:42 PM UTC

claydavisss wrote: post #138

Another sad downside to people fetishizing work...and the wealth that apparently results. Right now people are just alone and grumbling, but give it another ten years and you will see this morph into alcoholism and/or drug abuse. Only a very few will be happy in a society where every interaction is a dick-measuring contest or chance to argue. It's not too late to move to a hick town, find a spouse, pop out some kids…

I don't really get how moving to a more rural locale would make people less lonely. Looks like suicides among young people are way higher there https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/... and people there are about equally likely to report being "connected" to their communities. https://qz.com/1286591/urban-and-rural-america-people-living...

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#176

Post by throwaway427 » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:42 PM UTC

sxp62000 wrote: post #165

In NYC, where I live, I would never strike up a conversation with a random stranger. The first thought that crosses my mind is, "oh they're probably on their way to work", or "they seem busy on their phone", etc. Our smartphones, tablets, headphones definitely make us less approachable. But our attitudes towards work is also to blame. There is this culture of being busy in NYC all the time, it's almost as if people t…

I lived in NYC for ten years, bars are where you can talk to random strangers. I had hundreds of conversations and met many people that way.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#177

Post by StillBored » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:43 PM UTC

digi_owl wrote: post #132

godot wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like these interactions go through phases of 1. Being ok and acceptable and even enjoyable at first; 2. People abuse it more and more; 3. Gradually turns into a negative experience in general; 4. The ordinary person will then avoid it and that becomes the norm. Taking your example of meeting people online. I was on the internet in the late 90s as a teenager and it was incredibly easy and fun to meet people on…

IRC in particular was great for this, as it was rooms not P2P, and quite often one could find quite local rooms. ICQ and IM in general ruined that, IMO, as it was more invite based.

You forget that IRC has person to person messaging too. It was pretty easy to start a side conversation with people on IRC that wasn't public.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#178

Post by avallark » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:45 PM UTC

At least its good to know that you are not alone.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#179

Post by Torwald » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:45 PM UTC

androidgirl wrote: post #166

I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation, and taking most college classes online: I have no idea how on Earth I am to socialize with people in the real world. I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. Each day I ride an uber to my dev job, work mostly by myself…

> rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange

If you decide to not do something just because it feels strange, you will limit your growth in many ways.

Everything you haven't done very often feels strange.

Step out of your so-called comfort zone, make that a habit.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#180

Post by stagger87 » Fri, Aug 03, 2018, 7:45 PM UTC

dmortin wrote: post #71

overcast wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.

Don't most people on dating apps actually look for dates, instead of just for some chat?

Most dating sites let you specify your intentions, and many of them offer a "Looking for friends" option.