Success (or failure) is just a state of mind. It's overrated.
Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
161–170 of 426 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#162I'm not famous or "accomplished" enough that you will ever hear about me, but I'm extremely successful by the metrics/goal I have chosen. My goal was simply to be happy . What separates us from (other) animals, is our ability to alter our environment. Use your big brain to figure our some combination of the parameters in your life (work/environment/free time/etc.) that makes you happy and change your environment to o…
> For what it is worth, I've been programming longer than you've been alive and if I keep doing it another 30 years I doubt I will be acclaimed for my coding skills - and that doesn't bother me a bit.
Thank you for writing this, it is very inspiring. I have heard so many times that good devs are young people that makes me wonder about my future even if I'm very passionated about my career. At this point in my life I think I will love programming in the next 30 years, I hope I could live from that as well.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#163You're comparing yourself to others and it's making you feel like shit. Honestly, the problems you're experiencing is small compared to the shit that's worth fretting about (degrading health, lost of family/friends). When you're 40 and you look back at your 20's, you will feel fortunate to have the problems you're having now.
Find ways to start enjoying life now. Don't let pride get into the way. Your ego may demand you to live up to an unrealistic identity. Compare yourself to your old self and not others. That being said, it's easier said than done. But if you habitually and intentionally change the way you view yourself (like how a recovering anorexic looks at him/herself in the mirror), your change in thoughts will change the way how you feel. It'll take time but you'll eventually get there.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#164wait till you are a few weeks away from 40 and have the some thoughts :-(
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#165Lots of other good advice in the thread already. I'm not sure how to phrase mine, but "live with it". Use your understanding of math to realize right now that statistically, you will always be worse than just about everyone at pretty much everything. You will always be behind multiple other people on just about every score you can come up with.
The fact that you read about person X or Y or Z, then feel inferior.... ugh. You don't have much imagination. Stop reading about other people - you should be able to feel inferior without reading the specifics of anyone else. But you can also feel... accomplished(?) both to your earlier self and to some others if you choose to.
Once you start to realize that, you'll hopefully have a different (and better) perspective on things.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#166I feel for you. Not because I think you've wasted all your opportunities, but actually because you're focusing on this failing rather than succeeding. And the whole age thing, just forget about it. We all live in the 'now', some of us just reach milestones at different points in our life.
I'm 33 (and still feel extremely young in what I do). I just read The Launch Pad and was a little disappointed that to 'succeed', you need to be mortgage free, no kids, be prepared to relocate and have a co-founder you share your entire life with; generally traits of an unattached 20 year old with close friends. I would fail all those, but would that put me off trying a startup - hell no! Do I believe I could be part of the 0.1% of those that succeed? Of course. But will I feel like a failure if I'm not. Absolutely not!
I focus on the following. Do I have more experience, wisdom and understanding than I did 2 years ago? Am I enjoying the projects that I work on? Do I have vision for where I want to get to? I also know that there will always be people who are better and smarter than me. If that bothers me, learn from them, but don't envy them. They are no more 'special' than anyone else.
If I could go back 10 years, what would I do with that abundance of time I once had? Honestly, it wouldn't matter as I know I was not 'ready' to succeed at that age. At that age I hand't found the passion for what I do and hadn't seen enough of the world's problems first hand.
The problem I have is that I find it hard to focus on a single project and I'm overcommitted in my work (I work for a startup and two organically grown businesses). I have an endless stack of side projects that need my focus. But I only stop working on one because I find more passion for another. I'm okay with this - to a point. This is my challenge which I am working on by breaking down the goals into much smaller, more manageable deliverables. Celebrate the small wins as the big win is just a collection of smaller ones.
My advice to you. Forget about age. It doesn't matter if the other person is 18 or 68. I'd say to write down on post it notes the top 10 things you want to achieve in the next 30 days. Pick the top one to start with, then throw out the other 9 post it notes - they are just a distraction.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#167> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…
>> You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. Because they are being themselves, and are connected to the natural wellspring of motivation that comes from genuine interest, while you are the salmon swimming upstream, aping societal ideals and trying to be someone you are not.
>> Almost no one takes my advice because it's so threatening to be natural. What if you are not naturally ambitious? That's a horrific thought to have while being in the company of achievers, isn't it?
Awesome. Yes, this is pure Jiddu Krishnamurti. Basically, comparison causes conflict, conflict causes anxiety, anxiety causes fear, and fear makes mind dull. There's no intelligence where there's fear. Key here is to eliminate comparison. I keep reminding myself often :)
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#168Earlier quoted context omitted.
You make a great point, one that I have been thinking about, and unfortunately, I'm not sure if I can entirely agree with it. There are something to be said about habit and discipline. Certainly, one should never pursue something they have no interest in whatsoever. But for any thing we want to accomplish in life, there are tangent, chores, and generally "schlep" that you can't avoid. An extreme reading of your comme…
> Our society frowns on people who set out to do really good work. You're not supposed to; luck is supposed to descend on you and you do great things by chance. This is so true. It's odd that we celebrate butterflies and crush caterpillars. I think it was Les Brown who said something along the lines of– if you want to achieve uncommon, unreasonable results, you have to be an uncommon, unreasonable person putting in u…
Our society loves people who set out to do really good work. But only after they succeed.
The whole "luck descended upon them" is a coping strategy. The narrative of luck makes people feel less bad about their lack of fortitude.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#169> It's been getting better. It's not, it's getting worse. You are in a cycle of slave-driving yourself. You remind me of Jiddu Krishnamurthi's assertion that "Influence acts strongest when you don't realize that it is acting". I would venture that most of your accomplishments are a result of being told what you should do, what you should be. You will NEVER have the energy that the people whom you compare with have. B…
OP here. Believe me when I say that there's nothing more I'd rather do than what I'm doing right now. Not even in question. I love programming, I love the project I'm working on, and I love the ideas that are waiting to be worked on in my future. My heart fills with joy when I think about holding those finished products in my hands. When I get into the flow, I can zone out for days and work on my projects with hardly…
I have just one question. Do you (day)dream about code? If so, you're golden... This might sound flippant, but I have my best ideas and revelations while I'm being "idle" (showering, walking the dog, watching mindless TV). Desk-time is overrated in my book. Stuff needs to "percolate".
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional jealousy and getting older?
#170Earlier quoted context omitted.
You make a great point, one that I have been thinking about, and unfortunately, I'm not sure if I can entirely agree with it. There are something to be said about habit and discipline. Certainly, one should never pursue something they have no interest in whatsoever. But for any thing we want to accomplish in life, there are tangent, chores, and generally "schlep" that you can't avoid. An extreme reading of your comme…
> An extreme reading of your comment Right, there's no need to get all New Age enlightenment-ish about it. I am not even in disagreement with the Richard Hamming quote. All I'm stressing on is that it's title is "YOU and YOUR Research". It's not "YOU and WHAT-YOU-THINK-YOU-SHOULD-RESEARCH-ON Research". I struggled with the exact same confusion about "it's supposed to be natural" vs. "real life == effort" for many yea…
i fully agree with your point, and hope it's not getting lost on folks: figuring out what drives you requires a level of introspection (and revisiting-- it will likely not be static your entire life) that most people never do. introspection is hard, and not something you get taught at school. i'd argue most people dont realize how to self-reflect until they are much older.. or perhaps it requires a certain level of experiences before it is even approachable?