Are you from china or india?
How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
161–170 of 453 posts
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#162Earlier quoted context omitted.
Lots of things can ruin your life, including having friends IRL. It's a reason to be mindful, not to ban it from one's life.
I'm not for banning. I'm for actively discouraging people who "have nothing to do" with their time, from seeking refuge in something which is actively designed to captivate them and consume as much of their resources as possible. There are many addictive & destructive things, but few of them are legal and actively being evolved to enslave you at the same time.
You have such a dark view on online gaming. May ask you why? I'm sure you have an experience to share, and I can't wait to hear it!
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#1631. Volunteer. You are highly qualified to tutor in a number of subjects.
2. Look for athletic teams. I'm a boomer, so I'd never have dreamed of playing kickball after 6th grade, but I see millenial twenty-somethings out there in their kickball tee shirts all summer. Or, if you can hit and field, there's softball too. And there are running groups and bicycling groups.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#164To answer the title directly: buy a new shirt, wear clean jeans and get out. It's that simple.
Alternatives includes getting a dog and walking her out, meeting new people in the process (who do the same).
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#165I have felt the same in last 2-3 years working in UK. I am a female software engineer working in London and although I am happily married, I have no friends or social circle. It is difficult to hold a conversation (past the first few niceties) with someone who does not belong to your culture/share your background. To add to my woes, I am the only female in my department and am not comfortable to sit with all male colleagues during lunchtime and strike conversation. And I don't drink!
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#166Earlier quoted context omitted.
Lots of things can ruin your life, including having friends IRL. It's a reason to be mindful, not to ban it from one's life.
I'm not for banning. I'm for actively discouraging people who "have nothing to do" with their time, from seeking refuge in something which is actively designed to captivate them and consume as much of their resources as possible. There are many addictive & destructive things, but few of them are legal and actively being evolved to enslave you at the same time.
@dimillian I can't give details. I'm too afraid to associate the enormous number of hours I wasted with online gaming even with this relatively anonymous nickname.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#167I think the one thing you can do that will have a good impact on every area of your life is going to the gym. If you work out regularly and keep healthy, you'll look much better and you'll be much more confident, and it acts as a personal goal that you work towards every day. Go to the gym and work on yourself (pursue personal projects, improve your mindset etc) and you'll find that everything else improves.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#168I was also incredibly shy (and still am a bit when meeting new people) and had to work hard at overcoming this in order to make friends. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'm doing better but I do know that my circle of friends is much, much, bigger now.
It helps a lot to find a niche, or a group of people with similar interests. I find it very hard to relate to people who I do not share interests with and thus it makes it incredibly difficult to continue onwards with a friendship. I managed to meet a lot of my friends in the industry (design/development/tech world) but there are a handful that I've picked up along the way through hobbies I've kept.
Here's what helped me:
- I went out to places I wouldn't normally go to and learned how to keep conversation with a stranger by myself. This is important. I cannot stress how important this is. It not only taught me how to have 'small talk' but it also taught me how to get over the initial hump of starting a conversation. I am not overly aggressive about this, so you don't have to feel like this is an overwhelming task. I practice on cab drivers as well, as the quieter environment makes it easier for me to pay attention to what they're saying.
- I learned how to talk about the other person more than I talked about myself. When they ask about me, I typically lightly defer the conversation and try to bring it back around to them. This generally keeps the conversation going, and helps them feel good about themselves as well.
- I proactively found meet-ups with people who I shared interests with. (At the time, I was heavy into photography and I maintained those friendships from that time.)
- I put a lot of effort into getting to know my current friends better or maintaining the friendships that I do have. This is also important. I put my friends above all else.
- I tried new things, and are still trying new things. Typically if there's an activity I haven't tried, but always thought I wanted to, I just went out to do it! I have an eclectic circle of friends because of this.
- Try to relax in social situations. If they don't like you immediately, there are tons of people in the world that will warm up to you quicker. Don't think of every person as the 'end goal.'
- Don't worry about the girl(s). I know it's lonely, but seriously–don't! Work on yourself, and you'll be surprised how many opportunities arise from that.
That's all I got, I'm working on it. Everything takes time, including this.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#169Also introvert Asian engineer here, quite a bit older, and it sounds like we have different backgrounds. The good part is that you've identified what you don't want. The trickier part is finding solutions. 1. Do stuff alone? - simple as doing suggesting or asking to do things with others. Don't have a roommate? Move and get a roommate. Interview them before moving in. When I was 26, I was tired of being alone also, s…
I strongly agree with the roommate comment and will take it even further.
I've lived in a 4-bedroom for years and the social opportunities never end. OP should get some roommates. Then, throw some parties or host interest-themed get-togethers (e.g. game nights).
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#170Earlier quoted context omitted.
Lots of things can ruin your life, including having friends IRL. It's a reason to be mindful, not to ban it from one's life.
I'm not for banning. I'm for actively discouraging people who "have nothing to do" with their time, from seeking refuge in something which is actively designed to captivate them and consume as much of their resources as possible. There are many addictive & destructive things, but few of them are legal and actively being evolved to enslave you at the same time.
@leaveyou hey, I'm really interested by this subject, I can see why you don't want to speak about it here, you can drop me a mail at ricouard77[at]gmail[dot]com
I would love to speak with you.