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Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

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Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#161

Post by ItsBob »

I took this article to be more along the lines of the author perhaps loving the idea of being a snowboarder, rather than actually becoming one.

I know it sounds a bit cynical but I think that's the case for me in a lot of ways: I love the idea of being able to play the piano. However, I've given it up many times (I'm 51 now).

I think I just prefer the idea of being a piano player but when it comes down to it, I don't have the willpower/dedication/motivation (delete as appropriate) to follow it through.

My 15 yo son, on the other hand, is hell-bent on becoming a pro hockey player (not necessarily the NHL but that's the goal, of course!) and he's working his ass off 6 days a week at various aspects, and missing out on stuff like playing football down the park with his pals after school on a Friday coz he has training).

So, I think for some of us there is a disconnect between the desire to work hard anc become something, and liking purely the idea of being something... I think they're quite different (for me they are!)

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#162

Post by edot »

jazzpush2 wrote: post #101
edot wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this mindset why people like watching sports so much? I’ve never understood it, really. You’re not playing, exercising, practicing, getting injured, losing, or winning, nor are you getting paid, so … why care? I could just be an asshole but if we go to Mars tomorrow, I’ll go “ok that was cool” and then go to the grocery store, cook dinner, go to bed, and go to work tomorrow. It just doesn’t matter. I am not we and…

Do you feel that way about all forms of entertainment? You also are not, "playing, exercising, practicing, getting injured, losing, or winning, nor are you getting paid" nor doing comedy when you watch Joe Rogan standup, so who cares?

I think I’d separate “entertainment to be entertained” from “entertainment to feel good about myself”. Watching football for the fun or awe of it is completely fine. It’s impressive for sure. Watching football and feeling a true self-confidence or otherwise emotional boost when some other dude scores or “your team wins” is … stupid.

And to be clear, Joe Rogan is an idiot, I don’t watch his stuff anymore. Idiocracy is also the same trope as that little clip you can find on YouTube (which doesn’t even give him money because it’s a recording from like 20 years ago).

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#163

Post by Cthulhu_ »

jopsen wrote: post #18
gmuslera wrote: post #11

We have to distinguish "our" dreams from, let's say, cultural ones. A lot of what we want, what we perceive as living a full life, having fun and so on comes from culture (and increasingly in the last decades/centuries, with mass media). Besides that, we can't achieve everything, we could not be everywhere when something interesting happens there, at the very least because a lot of those things happened in the past,…

And don't forget, that sometimes day dreaming about going to space, might be more fun, than actually going. It's not like you can touch it anyways. My point is: Remember to enjoy your dreams. And 99% of the time let them be just that: "dreams".

Case in point, dreams of being rich and famous. Famous people hate being famous. Get rich first, see if you still want to be famous then.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#164

Post by Cthulhu_ »

globular-toast wrote: post #124
gmuslera wrote: post #11

We have to distinguish "our" dreams from, let's say, cultural ones. A lot of what we want, what we perceive as living a full life, having fun and so on comes from culture (and increasingly in the last decades/centuries, with mass media). Besides that, we can't achieve everything, we could not be everywhere when something interesting happens there, at the very least because a lot of those things happened in the past,…

Yeah, this is why it's important to block ads from your life wherever possible. Other people profit from telling you what your dreams are.

And what your problems are, so they can sell you the solution to it.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#165

Post by kakacik »

madaxe_again wrote: post #110
stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

Hm. I think Proust put it well: Desire makes everything blossom and flourish. Possession makes everything wither and fade. I’m a lucky son of a gun. Managed to slap the eject button on the treadmill early enough in life that I found myself in my early 30s with all the time in the world, and enough cash that it certainly felt like it. I went and lived so many dreams. Did a whole bunch of things I had already, in my de…

Hmm, interesting perspective. So there is actually something deeper (on top of other already deep stuff) in having, and more importantly raising kids.

Since they take away so much freedom (if they don't one ain't doing parenting right, thats for sure... or simply doesn't have to work at all), its the little bits of passion that are hard won that I appreciate so much. They very effectively throttle any non-kid activity, 24/7. That weekly climbing evening with a buddy is a highlight of any week it happens. That rare hike or skitour that I manage to pull off during weekend becomes a very fond memory. Those 2 weeks spent solo backpacking in Indonesia or recently Dominican republic is something etched deep in my soul.

Before kids, I did all this every weekend, remote trips 4x a year. I was in heaven, but it became the new, even if ultra cool, norm. Now with kids, and after pretty bad paragliding accident that left me on wheelchair for a bit, anything I can still do, I want to dance with joy. I know intimately how it feels losing all that, maybe forever.

One thing that can break this circle IMHO - passions. Climbing is one for me, nature/mountains are generally another. I can keep doing climbing all the time, novelty doesn't wear off. Maybe it can again become a new norm, but what a norm it would be. But maybe that's just idea of a dad with 2 small kids and way more dreams than life can still deliver. Maybe that slow dripping makes it actually better, I'll never know.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#167

Post by munificent »

nwatson wrote: post #107
munificent wrote: post #94

I took running fairly seriously for six or seven years. I never really enjoyed it, but I ran religiously every week. I went from barely being able to run 1/6 of a mile without walking, to being able to finish a 5k. I ran a couple of local fun runs. I was never particularly good at it, but it was a real part of my life. Two years ago, I slipped in a puddle on my bike and wrecked my ankle. There were many complications…

I have arthritis in my right ankle now and walking more than a mile leads to swelling, pain, and random sharp pinching during some strides. Running sets it off sooner than that. The ankle always is visibly swollen, it's obvious there's something wrong, and after more acute symptoms developed about eight months ago after my first soccer action in about a year I finally got it checked out and diagnosed two weeks ago. I…

One of my complications was severe osteoarthritis.

The injury basically tried to twist my foot off, a "tri-malleolar fracture with dislocation". Even after doctors reduced the dislocation and used plates to put the broken bones back together, the cartilage suffered too much damage and just withered away to nothing.

Arthritis is a miserable, debilitating disease. My understanding is that usually once the cartilage reaches a certain level of loss, there is a positive feedback loop where the remaining cartilage is under too much pressure to regenerate and it continues to degrade. I hope yours gets better or at least maintains.

In my case, replacement or fusion were the only options and I went with replacement (since fusion tends to lead to more arthritis elsewhere in the foot). Replacement looks like it will give me back almost all of the activities I used to be able to do, including most sports, except running.

Good luck. Taking care of a body is hard.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#168

Post by Gooblebrai »

MajorTakeaway wrote: post #93
edot wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this mindset why people like watching sports so much? I’ve never understood it, really. You’re not playing, exercising, practicing, getting injured, losing, or winning, nor are you getting paid, so … why care? I could just be an asshole but if we go to Mars tomorrow, I’ll go “ok that was cool” and then go to the grocery store, cook dinner, go to bed, and go to work tomorrow. It just doesn’t matter. I am not we and…

You would enjoy reading Philip K. Dick novels for sure. What is the experience of a dream but another memory?

Any specific recommendations?

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#169

Post by hootz »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #160
munificent wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As much as the serenity prayer comes across as some tacky shit you'd find painted on a wall in that one handwriting font in a beach house in Florida... it's the greatest distillation of human wisdom I've ever found. I've been in therapy many years, and you wouldn't believe how often it comes up and we discuss it in the context of some problem in my life. So much of life's difficulties hinge on the axis of trying to f…

Exactly; powerlessness is a big source of stress / anxiety / etc, but when you truly accept that you can't for example change other people or things outside of yourself will never be exactly the way you want them to be, then you'll be a lot more at peace. To phrase it negatively, it's a kind of selfishness / indifference. But it's not "I don't care", but more "it is what it is".

The difficult part is to also be careful as to not become one of those YouTube "stoics" who just stay in "I don't care" state for everything. We can't control other people, but we can try to influence them towards a better path if needed.

I see some people accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, but then have no courage to change the things which should be changed because they have no wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#170

Post by jurgenaut23 »

hootz wrote: post #169
Cthulhu_ wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly; powerlessness is a big source of stress / anxiety / etc, but when you truly accept that you can't for example change other people or things outside of yourself will never be exactly the way you want them to be, then you'll be a lot more at peace. To phrase it negatively, it's a kind of selfishness / indifference. But it's not "I don't care", but more "it is what it is".

The difficult part is to also be careful as to not become one of those YouTube "stoics" who just stay in "I don't care" state for everything. We can't control other people, but we can try to influence them towards a better path if needed. I see some people accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, but then have no courage to change the things which should be changed because they have no wisdom to distin…

Spinoza has a much deeper and more effective approach to this, I found.
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