Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

wqtz.bearblog.dev

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–170 of 229 posts

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#161

Post by svnt »

Arainach wrote: post #141
svnt wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Toxic positivity in startups means the people not looking at the real issues role play startup while everything crumbles around them. Maybe it works out in big orgs but if it infects the team of a small org your work environment will be ruined when you are all laid off after months or years of overworking to make a blind optimist happy. Unemployment coincident with burnout is worse than some negative feedback during…

What you're describing as toxic positivity is refusing to criticize things as they're happening. That's very different from not badmouthing people and teams behind their backs when they're not around to respond.

Yes, but I assumed that the lack of undercutting gossip not is what people are deeming “toxic positivity.”

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#162

Post by rjbwork »

buuuutb wrote: post #140
rjbwork wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is almost delusionally disconnected from the types of dysfunction I've seen among juniors after years of working at the same company where they should have learned some basic shit like being able to e.g. properly read a stack trace, diagnose an issue by reading/searching logs, not storing secrets in git, etc. I'm always willing to work with people on code/system design - in fact it's my favorite part of my job w…

You don’t have to. You chose the work, the employer. In my experience your special literacy is everywhere these days. Lots of unemployed with your skills. Excruciating dealing with colleagues like you that think we come hear to read your intrusive thoughts about others effort. Whole lot of contexts you fall short in. More sad little man needing validation for his prior effort to get where he is. Eh, tough. Like I sai…

I actually do a lot of mentoring and pairing. I actively move to get people that consistently fall short out of organizations. I'm sure there's plenty of work for people that consistently fuck up but can kind of stumble through making computers do stuff, I just don't want to work with them.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#163

Post by bravetraveler »

MichaelRo wrote: post #37

Unfortunately, in 20+ years and some 7 jobs in the meantime, I never ever got a job by means of an inside recommendation nor was I able to get someone I recommended to be hired. And the reason is, I'm a lowly engineer and that's all. I have zero clout, HR and hiring managers couldn't give a shit of whom I recommend. So if you "prioritize relationships" with an ulterior purpose (get hired eventually by some "relation"…

+1, every time I've been asked "do you know anyone to hire" it's been anything but upfront. Just another way to see how desperate you are [through your network]... and by proxy, how hard to push.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#164

Post by nuancebydefault »

darth_avocado wrote: post #67
itchyjunk wrote: post #2

Nah, realizing I don't have to constantly be thinking about relationship was what made things a lot less stressful for me. It's still stressful. But at least I get to mind my own business. Not saying everyone is like me. Maybe no one is. But it was better for me to mind my own business and internally say fork you to all the superficial relationships.

There is a difference between tolerating a few things here and there because it’s a high stress environment and being okay with psychopaths mistreating and abusing you with the excuse of “high stress environment”. You do not need to put up with the latter. Fork em and you do not need those relationships to find your next job. The article trivializes a high stress work environment by putting everyone at the same basel…

Indeed, often the workplace is high stress because the direct manager is incompetent and passes down their stress instead of shielding you off and empowering you. Networking- wise not such an issue to say 'fork you' to such incompetent soul, though I always keep in mind everyone deserves some degree of respect.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#165

Post by nuancebydefault »

jimkleiber wrote: post #138

I try to apply this advice to almost all relationships. It reminds me of the famous quote, "Be nice to everyone you meet because they are fighting a battle you know nothing about, and that I can say from experience." [0] I see life as emotional combat, that I'm always dealing with so many conflicting conflicts at the same time that I'm trying my best to manage everything and so is everyone else. It has been helping m…

Could you elaborate what you get out of that quote? I consider myself reasonably kind to people in general, but if people treat me badly I tend to take it personal.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#166

Post by Qworg »

dogleash wrote: post #114
mrsilencedogood wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well of course it's more complicated. But these 2 broad strokes do resonate with me as a meaningful bucketing. There are some people I see DMs from and go "ooh" and some people I see DMs from and go "well there goes my morning hand-holding them through something they should already both know and have internalized".

Very reasonable counterpoint. It's unfortunate you're addressing a bland dismissal that shouldn't carry weight on it's own. Everything is always more nuanced. Doesn't mean grantparent poster didn't have a good reductive shorthand. The dismissal didn't even bother trying to reframe. But it's always an uphill climb because there is an internally-consistent manager-brain line of thinking for the workspace they've create…

The issue with your last statement is that it _is_ part of your job and an increasingly important one at that.

It is _also_ your job to make them less bad - this is good because your incentives are aligned.

If they both can't be of use and can't be made better, then you need management to step in.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#167

Post by nuancebydefault »

itchyjunk wrote: post #2

Nah, realizing I don't have to constantly be thinking about relationship was what made things a lot less stressful for me. It's still stressful. But at least I get to mind my own business. Not saying everyone is like me. Maybe no one is. But it was better for me to mind my own business and internally say fork you to all the superficial relationships.

I would not know what is there, beyond relationships? Money does not buy happiness. Doing a good job and never getting credit for it... would make me feel miserable. Maybe I'm in such a lucky situation that I can say this, being able to put relationships above all else. Or maybe it is just my attachment grounded personality.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#168

Post by nuancebydefault »

dakiol wrote: post #81
BartSpaans wrote: post #7

Relationships are always the most important thing in every line of work, and are often valued more than how good you are at your job. - Want a promotion? I hope your manager likes you - Need collaboration from colleagues? Better not be a dick to them - Want to look for new opportunities? Better have a network We are social beasts at the end of the day.

I guess it depends. I'm not really good at relationships, but I can be a very normal guy in almost every scenario. So, I'm not like asking my manager what did he do during the weekend (but if he talks about it, I listen and follow the discussion), nevertheless he's a professional and if I do my job the way they like it, I'll get a promotion (if I don't, then I need to switch to another company). Similarly, I'm not fr…

To me this feels like you are thriving on regularly getting promoted? My guess... maybe that is for you the required confirmation that you are doing well?

Indeed I think the importance of a work network is overrated. My LinkedIn is hopelessly outdated and to switch jobs, all I seem to have/need is my CV and professional years. In my experience interviewing is very much like dating.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#169

Post by [deleted] »

Qworg wrote: post #166
dogleash wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Very reasonable counterpoint. It's unfortunate you're addressing a bland dismissal that shouldn't carry weight on it's own. Everything is always more nuanced. Doesn't mean grantparent poster didn't have a good reductive shorthand. The dismissal didn't even bother trying to reframe. But it's always an uphill climb because there is an internally-consistent manager-brain line of thinking for the workspace they've create…

The issue with your last statement is that it _is_ part of your job and an increasingly important one at that. It is _also_ your job to make them less bad - this is good because your incentives are aligned. If they both can't be of use and can't be made better, then you need management to step in.

[deleted]

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#170

Post by projectazorian »

kccqzy wrote: post #36
bityard wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In companies with highly compartmentalized roles, too much work to do, and annoying co-workers, it's easy to say, "that's not my problem, go away." (With a bit more diplomacy, I'd hope.) I have always prioritized trying to be the stereotypical helpful person who might not know the answer to your question, but usually knows who to ask. The more your name comes up in the context of "who knows how X works?", the better…

A lot of times that stereotypical helpful person is so helpful that junior people never learn to get rid of their dependence on that person. I know that because I've been that stereotypical helpful person. I realized something was amiss when a junior person who had been on the team for two years still came to me every other day to ask me questions. They spent minimal amount of effort thinking on their own, and then s…

That's when you give feedback that they should spend, say, 30 mins trying to sort the problem out for themselves before asking for help. And that they should take notes or ask over Slack so they can refer back to the answer.
Post reply on HN