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Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

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Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#161

Post by silverquiet »

xyzelement wrote: post #147
silverquiet wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When it ends, it ends, and that's it regardless of how many others you created who will now go on to face their own ends. I get that somehow people are able to live in denial of the ultimate extinction of their being, but I never really seemed to be able to get the hang of that. To each their own.

This sounds familiar, perhaps you and I have discussed it before. My life matters to me as a vehicle for what truly matters: if my descendants are thriving, and my values are upheld, whether I am physically here once I've contributed to it, is completely irrelevant to me. I will fight to live as long and as well as I can, but only because that increases my opportunity to contribute what I want. Merely "existing" is n…

It's certainly possible, but I've seen others here express the same sentiment. Another poster once posted a quite insightful comment about Nietzsche that really described a lot of the problems of nihilism that captured the feelings that I've had since realizing the unreality of religion at a young age, so I'm not exactly alone even if I am a bit of an outlier.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#162

Post by yoyohello13 »

afavour wrote: post #118
yoyohello13 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We must live in different areas because I’m the only one without kids on my team of 8. I also kind of resent the implication that pops up in these threads that people without kids are living some kind of immoral, selfish life. Not everyone without kids is just out partying all the time. I would love to have kids, but fate it seems has different plans for me.

> I also kind of resent the implication that pops up in these threads that people without kids are living some kind of immoral, selfish life I don’t see that implication in OP’s post at all, I’m sorry. This feels like projection.

You could be right. Although looking a few comments down the selfishness talk is ever present.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#163

Post by [deleted] »

bongodongobob wrote: post #75

You're baffled people aren't having kids? What bubble do you live in? People straight up can't afford housing much less children. The avg American is completely priced out of owning a home right now. Edit: the replies - y'all are out of touch. Visit an average family in the Midwest with a household income of < $100k/yr that doesn't own a home yet.

[deleted]

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#164

Post by maxdoop »

ronaldoCR wrote: post #48

people are missing out. this is sad

There are studies that show quote plainly that people with kids are unholier than those without. The difference is much later on life when the happiness “winner” switches to the group with children.

One theory aside from the obvious is that the brain makes sense of whatever might happen to it, over time. Like how you miss out on some big opportunity, but years later you say, “ah, that’s ok because it led me to where I am today.”

No idea if that was coherent as I’m a bit tired, but wanted to share

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#165

Post by jwells89 »

atomicnumber3 wrote: post #99
bongodongobob wrote: post #75

You're baffled people aren't having kids? What bubble do you live in? People straight up can't afford housing much less children. The avg American is completely priced out of owning a home right now. Edit: the replies - y'all are out of touch. Visit an average family in the Midwest with a household income of < $100k/yr that doesn't own a home yet.

I'm baffled my peers , who absolutely could afford to, still have no interest. These are people making 150-200k (and at my prior job, 200-400k).

This is where the difference between affordability and safety come in.

Obviously someone making that much could afford to have kids, but assuming tech hub (e.g. SF) cost of living, it’ll take a few years of salary like that to accrue enough financial padding to be certain that a chain of unfortunate events won’t put them out on the street once the cost of raising a family is added in.

This is why you see a lot of high earners waiting until the last second to have kids, if they do. Financial security like you have while making good money without kids is hard to let go of.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#166

Post by silverquiet »

Aeolun wrote: post #137
silverquiet wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When it ends, it ends, and that's it regardless of how many others you created who will now go on to face their own ends. I get that somehow people are able to live in denial of the ultimate extinction of their being, but I never really seemed to be able to get the hang of that. To each their own.

> I get that somehow people are able to live in denial of the ultimate extinction of their being Is that truly any more likely than the non-extinction of our being? It seems like a safe assumption as a default, but…

I mean, I'm not trying to be bleak, but do you have any evidence that any of the religions out there can deliver on their promises? Like I'd be somewhat inclined to listen, but extraordinary claims and all that...

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#167

Post by echelon »

lumost wrote: post #158
atomicnumber3 wrote: post #16

Anecdata: I am 31 and have 3 young kids. They have 0 cousins and, on top of that, 0... second cousins? Cousins-once-removed? Whatever the one is for my cousin's kids. My kids are my grandma's only great-grandkids. And I have... 6 cousins. On top of that, at my last job, on my team of 15, I was the only one with kids, and only 1 of those 15 engineers were under the age of 30. At my current job, my team is 8, and again…

I've been doing this math frequently of late. I'm 35, have one child and of my high school class ... maybe 25% have children? there is certainly a bias from polling social media. But the anecdata would say that we're closing on the point where millenials have chosen to simply not have children.

Kids aren't expensive. They're a distraction from dopamine and career advancement.

My peers are all wealthy and they'd rather jet set than settle down. By all means they could raise families of two to four kids and still be incredibly comfortable. Vacation home comfortable.

Instagram is the anti-child. Instagram and the endless feed of social media, internet, and things to do.

Once you have children, the dopamine ends and the self-directed path takes a backseat. Nobody I know wants to give that up.

It's not just the wealthy. I know upper middle class people in their 40s who are partying on the weekends and taking trips all over the world. It's the life they want for themselves, and children put an end to that.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#168

Post by lumost »

vidarh wrote: post #111
bongodongobob wrote: post #75

You're baffled people aren't having kids? What bubble do you live in? People straight up can't afford housing much less children. The avg American is completely priced out of owning a home right now. Edit: the replies - y'all are out of touch. Visit an average family in the Midwest with a household income of < $100k/yr that doesn't own a home yet.

The most consistent predictor of the decline of the birth rate in a society is increased levels of wealth, which indicates it's in no way that simple. Personally, I think it is that expectations rise, both for your own life and for that of children once your purchasing power increases. It's harder to give it up than to not have it in the first place. Having children increasingly has to compete with a lot of other rew…

Having children has also become higher risk, both in absolute costs - as well as risks associated to the likely possibility of divorce and single-parenthood.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#169

Post by MattGaiser »

bongodongobob wrote: post #75

You're baffled people aren't having kids? What bubble do you live in? People straight up can't afford housing much less children. The avg American is completely priced out of owning a home right now. Edit: the replies - y'all are out of touch. Visit an average family in the Midwest with a household income of < $100k/yr that doesn't own a home yet.

I am in a circle of people who absolutely could and my experience (including me personally) matches the GP comment. There are certainly people who cannot afford housing, but the kinds of people I know are people who own detached homes in reasonably large cities all by themselves and things are not that different.

Re: Cousins are disappearing. Is this reshaping the experience of childhood?

#170

Post by Klonoar »

gentleman11 wrote: post #11

I’d say half my friends have had trouble conceiving, many probably will not ever have kids, and a decent chunk of my cousins as well had trouble or weren’t able to. It’s not just that people don’t have cousins

> I’d say half my friends have had trouble conceiving

There's probably statistics out there but I've not looked into it - but anecdotally I also know a large contingent of people who've had issues conceiving. Many late 20s, too - people always seem to think it's more common in your 30s but so many of them were confused by the experience.

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