Cash Amnesia

The problem here is the banks not being required to do at least as good a job as the credit card companies (who are often also banks). They punish people who prefer not to use credit.

Unfortunately, any of the protective actions one could take would be legitimately abusive and controlling against someone who ISN'T one of those messed up people. So if someone feels like they need it, either they really shouldn't be getting married to that person (but are in denial), OR they're probably a legit abusive spouse. And really shouldn't be marrying anyone.

And in most places, if you're married, legally you can't stop the partner from entering the 'community' into debt like that, or encumbering community property. So to your point, yeah it couldn't be stopped even with bank tracking. But it is harder to do that way.

The most you could do is make the responsible party take on the debt entirely on their own later when the divorce settles, but anyone likely to do this kind of BS will make that a multi-year living hell. It's rarely worth the attempt, as legal fees will often far outweigh any money recovered.

There is a reason that 99% of family law attorneys will tell men to just not get married. For guys, 99% of them will also tell them to just not let women live with them (due to various ways THAT is often used against men), etc. Pre-nups are important and can reduce the damage, but are not bullet proof.

For women, the system does generally favor them - but they can and will be drug through hell if they end up with a problem spouse too. And can end up with life altering debt (problem gamblers being a common pattern), abusive partners they can't get rid of, etc. They're more likely to be murdered in a bad situation too, by a long shot.

If someone has an actual reasonable spouse (and is actually reasonable) but want to get divorced, then it's actually not that big a deal and it can be resolved relatively quickly. And that does happen. But for the most part, most of those people don't end up needing the system anyway - as both people are actually reasonable.

And people who aren't from backgrounds that result in them being blind to signs of real problem behaviors usually see and avoid the really dangerous people anyway before they can get their hooks in.

The best prevention frankly is having two loving, stable parents who raised someone well, to have not been abused as a child, and to be nurtured, etc.. So that someone knows what 'good' feels like, has reasonable role models that cover the common gender setups and models healthy behaviors, etc. It's far from foolproof though, and those situations are actually quite rare. What is common is setups that LOOK like that, but are actually deeply screwed up when you're inside - but in ways the participants can't or won't see.

Folks with NPD, ASPD, and other Cluster B personalities in particular are powerfully manipulative and destructive, and can pretend to be really amazing and wonderful until you're already 'stuck'. Co-dependent behavior is rampant. Etc.

You are right, I left out an important part of my budgeting setup: Every month, after income, everything above a set amount is transferred automatically into a savings account. So at the beginning of each month, I have the same amount of money in my checking account.

Still, even just the number going down tells me exactly how much money I have spent this month – like looking into my wallet would. But I have the added benefit of knowing what I spent it on even long after the purchase.

I don't always review the paper trail, only if my spending is higher than what I expected it to be. But I always check the balance before any bigger purchase. In both cases, I know to spend less in advance and can make an informed decision.

* I am translating from German here using some quick Google searches. I hope these account types make sense for a US reader.