161–170 of 205 posts
In South Korea where I live, joint accounts are illegal. You can share cards and PIN numbers with your spouse, and that practice is at least informally accepted. But it’s not a true joint account and doesn’t have the benefit of survivorship.
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You do realize that setting a budget is by definition controlling behavior? You are controlling the expenditure of the household. I'm not suggesting you are wrong for that, but it is controlling behavior. So your wife observed controlling behavior and then equated it to something in her past.
It isn't controlling behaviour if you both have equal input into designing the budget, and both agree to and support the idea of having a budget in the first place.
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I think it’s great to have a healthy relationship with trust. What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit. And that having separate finances helps immensely in the situation where this risk is realized. I have friends who were comfortable and thought all was well for years or even decades. Then it wasn’t. And having commingled finances was unpleasant…
What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit can you explain that please? or give an example. i don't understand what you are trying to say here.
In South Korea where I live, joint accounts are illegal. You can share cards and PIN numbers with your spouse, and that practice is at least informally accepted. But it’s not a true joint account and doesn’t have the benefit of survivorship.
From reading some comments I'm surprised joint account doesn't just mean money for rent/mortgage, bills, groceries, repairs, house stuff. Share the money that's meant to be shared and don't share the money that isn't. I don't want to spend my partner's money on things that exclusively will be used by me, it just doesn't make sense.
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Why is this necessary?
For most people it's because they live paycheck-to-paycheck, at least after things like 401(K) contributions. Of course if you are lucky enough to have $30K+ coming in per month and your necessary monthly bills are closer to $5K then budgeting and tracking spending out of the checking account is wildly unnecessary. But if you have say $5K-$6K coming in each month and $4K of that goes to necessary monthly bills then c…
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that is not fair. it is easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. things like these are not always predictable, and especially money handling often doesn't even come up as an issue until after you are married for some time.
But this is not only predictable but acknowledged. It’s not ideal to fail to communicate and not realize it. It’s not ok to identify as someone who just doesn’t communicate and bottles up their emotions until they’re problematic. It might not be easy. But to do otherwise is a recipe for failure. And we’d be dumb to not acknowledge that. You shouldn’t marry someone you’re not comfortable talking to About difficult thi…
you keep saying that, but generally you can't know how your partner reacts until the issue actually comes up and especially with finances it rarely comes up before you start living together which often doesn't happen until you get married.
it is impossible to vet your partner on every aspect. when you get married you start to build trust, and you find out your partners sensitive points and learn to avoid them. that's not even an issue of trust, but a question of how you communicate to keep a healthy relationship. in my case i simply stopped the detailed accounting and everything was fine. in the case here the person had difficulty dealing with that. we don't know why, or how they could resolve that, but telling them that they should have predicted that and not married this person is really unreasonable.
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I think it’s great to have a healthy relationship with trust. What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit. And that having separate finances helps immensely in the situation where this risk is realized. I have friends who were comfortable and thought all was well for years or even decades. Then it wasn’t. And having commingled finances was unpleasant…
Separate checking accounts mean absolutely nothing during a divorce. It’s all considered marital property and is split. That along with “your” retirement savings, physical property etc. If my wife and I got divorced, our joint checking accounts is the least of my complications. I’ve got retirement accounts and two properties (our former primary home that’s rented out and our vacation property) and since we agreed for…
This is a highly assymetric risk for a lot of couples. If one of the was the sole source of income, they are in a much better position to wait for the court to intervene.
This is assuming the money is still there at the end. The offending partner could attempt to hide it. Or they could have genuinely spent it.
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What if I told you that there was a strategy that had a 50% risk of what you think is trust is actually deceit can you explain that please? or give an example. i don't understand what you are trying to say here.
50% of marriages end in divorce. Note this varies wildly by income. So your "risk" goes down the richer you are.