How I regained concentration and focus • Hacker News Board

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#161

Post by copperx » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:24 PM UTC

namaria wrote: post #156

andrewljohnson wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having a family and responsibilities made this infeasible for me. Most apps on my phone are denied notifications, but people can still text/call me.

I also have family and responsibilities. But I am very careful whom I give unfettered access to my attention.

Everybody who depends on you directly (partner, children, parents, and extended family) should be on you VIP contact list and have direct access to you. I find that reduces my anxiety. I don't get distracted by notifications, or the thought that someone might be dying and trying to reach me.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#162

Post by goblinux » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:26 PM UTC

yao420 wrote: post #157

sanedigital wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe. Maybe not. But no matter what those other people do, they’ll never ever be able to get more youthful, energetic years with their children and (hopefully) grandchildren. All that money and even Elon can’t buy time. I had kids relatively young for a yuppie male (27) and while that was 100% the “right time” I would have done it earlier if I had known how great they are.

I’m really struggling with this right now. I’m turning 33 next month and really want children. I have endless memories of my dad and grandfathers teaching me amazing lessons and being best/strongest men I have ever been around. I want to fulfill that role that for someone! We didn’t have much money but camping or diy building is something fondly reminisce on and made me who I am. My partner is 25 and is not decided o…

I know the feeling. I think your best bet would be sharing with her gently and honestly, and if that doesn't go like you hope then looking into some couples' counseling/therapy to resolve this if she's agreeable.

Family baggage is tough and there may be stuff she needs to work on within herself too before she's ready. Encouraging that is a good way to be supportive and work towards the goal of kids together.

Strongly advise against ultimatums

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#163

Post by webscout » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:26 PM UTC

I use sites like https://biztoc.com once or twice a day and I'm more or less done with news. Just make sure you only read the headlines ;)

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#164

Post by lampshades » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:29 PM UTC

jader201 wrote: post #158

lampshades wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe it is. You’re responding to a mentally broken man.

I'm sorry you feel broken. Virtual hugs from an internet stranger.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#165

Post by ryanwaggoner » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:29 PM UTC

yao420 wrote: post #157

sanedigital wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe. Maybe not. But no matter what those other people do, they’ll never ever be able to get more youthful, energetic years with their children and (hopefully) grandchildren. All that money and even Elon can’t buy time. I had kids relatively young for a yuppie male (27) and while that was 100% the “right time” I would have done it earlier if I had known how great they are.

I’m really struggling with this right now. I’m turning 33 next month and really want children. I have endless memories of my dad and grandfathers teaching me amazing lessons and being best/strongest men I have ever been around. I want to fulfill that role that for someone! We didn’t have much money but camping or diy building is something fondly reminisce on and made me who I am. My partner is 25 and is not decided o…

The worst thing you can do for yourself, your partner, and your future kids would be to pressure your partner into having children when she’s not ready or doesn’t want to. Her path is her own, and it’s completely valid.

My advice is to have an honest conversation where you try to understand where she’s at on this and why, without trying to change it.

And then if you determine that she really doesn’t want kids, or may not ever, you might have to make a very hard choice to either accept that and let go of your dream of having kids, or to follow another path without her.

But own it as your choice, without resentment. She doesn’t owe you a child.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#166

Post by andrewljohnson » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:30 PM UTC

namaria wrote: post #156

andrewljohnson wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having a family and responsibilities made this infeasible for me. Most apps on my phone are denied notifications, but people can still text/call me.

I also have family and responsibilities. But I am very careful whom I give unfettered access to my attention.

The issue for me is, for example, my wife drops my kid off for a camp and then the camp calls me in an emergency. So I can’t just only take notifications from known callers.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#167

Post by ge96 » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:33 PM UTC

copperx wrote: post #161

namaria wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I also have family and responsibilities. But I am very careful whom I give unfettered access to my attention.

Everybody who depends on you directly (partner, children, parents, and extended family) should be on you VIP contact list and have direct access to you. I find that reduces my anxiety. I don't get distracted by notifications, or the thought that someone might be dying and trying to reach me.

Just commenting about phone calls

I have stranger phone call anxiety and the other thing is spam/scam calls. Which thankfully my phone has been good at flagging/blocking.

Regarding notifications I used to have phones that either had LED blinking indicators or sound/beeping ahh, crazy used to just drop what I was doing to check it.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#168

Post by lordnacho » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:35 PM UTC

Get one of those browser extensions that limits your use. This at least tells you how much time you've spent. It's easy to get carried away reading one long form article after another.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#169

Post by vkk8 » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:35 PM UTC

lampshades wrote: post #122

AzureShill420 wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you feel like there is really anything to "catch up" on? I'm in my mid 30s with no kids - while I can see that my career happens to be more advanced than close friends who had kids early, the signal to noise ratio is pretty high. I'd think about it this way: enjoy the path you've set yourself on and savour the years where you have both your kids and your health. When they become less dependent on you, the option t…

Tip: don’t give advice to people with kids when you don’t have them yourself. We don’t want it because you all have zero idea what we go through.

This is a bit crude way to put it, but maybe you're right.

At least for me, becoming a father changed my perspective on everything so much that it's almost like I'm not even the same species anymore as I was before having them. Sometimes people without children feel like they're not even proper adults even if they are older and/or more senior at work or whatever.

Re: How I regained concentration and focus

#170

Post by kortex » Mon, Aug 01, 2022, 5:36 PM UTC

mberning wrote: post #96

It is said that Napoleon did not open his mail for 3 weeks after it arrived. His belief was that most issues would resolve themselves and were therefore unimportant for him to attend to. If you go back and watch the news from 2-3 weeks ago it is amazing how much of it is just nonsense. It's especially hard to go back and watch covid discussions from a year ago and hear just how wrong most information was.

Sounds like a great way to get a bench warrant for avoiding a legal summons in today's day and age.

Knuth has a secretary which prioritizes his snail mail. I think filters are a great way to go. I have tried to pre-bin my mail but my tray organizer has just been covered over with assorted cruft, which kinda makes the system untenable until I stop procrastinating...