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How to get the most out of your 1:1s

erik.wiffin.com

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Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#161

Post by jghn »

Mezzie wrote: post #122
quxpar wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a Doctor, giving my patient a placebo sugar pill once a month is primarily for you. Not the Doctor. I won't let my staff ditch them 100% as there's also a component where I use them to charge their insurance. But for the most part, I treat it as their time.

There is at least one valid reason to do what GP suggested regarding 1:1s in my experience: If an employee is having an issue that they don't want to put in writing (or you sense this), oftentimes a one-on-one is the only way to coax it out. Particularly if they have an issue with leadership, HR, other managers, etc. Decent managers are also using 1:1s to make sure their employees are treated well in the org as a who…

Right. As a manager I'm invested in seeing the employee grow, develop, and have a fulfilling life. It's not 100% altruistic on my part, as a happy employee who is motivated to improve is better for the company. But I also care about them as people. Thus, the 1:1 is their time to drive that. My role is to help guide and coach, but they know themselves best.

However, another part of my job is to spot larger problems. That's an exercise in pattern matching. While you're talking I'm matching to keywords I've picked up in my travels. Other meetings, 1:1s, etc. Maybe there's a problem lurking down the road that's only visible if one assembles these disparate data. Sometimes those are problems for the employee that they themselves don't realize as you suggest, other times it has no direct connection to them but they're key to identifying the issue. That last part is why I don't agree with getting rid of 1:1s altogether.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#162

Post by jghn »

avgcorrection wrote: post #156
jghn wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager, 1:1s are primarily for you. Not the manager. If you’re getting nothing out of them, suggest changes to cadence and/or frequency. I won’t let my staff ditch them 100% as there’s also a component where I’m using them to spot problems I might not see otherwise. But for the most part, I treat it as their time

This is a recurring problem in hierarchical relationships. The subordinates have a good reason to assume that these tete-a-tetes can be used against them; they are acting in their own rational interest because of the power imbalance. So they hold back and give superficial feedback.

This is true and there's no easy way around it.

As an employee I took the tactic of saying fuck it and saying what's on my mind. If it'll be used against me, so be it. I think that's the optimal path but it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. At the end of the day it's on the employee to find their path out of this.

As a manager the best I can do is try to build a solid rapport with the person in hopes that they feel comfortable opening up. But there's no magic bullet to this and every person is different. That rapport also goes both ways. I struggle with newer employees as I have no connection with them and am much more likely to fall back on generic platitudes. As I get to know the person the questions I ask and suggestions I make can be more tailored to their personalities and comfort zones.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#163

Post by songzme »

terryf wrote: post #138
songzme wrote: post #114

I really struggle with 1:1s primarily because: 1. Do you want career growth? No, and its hard to tell that to my manager. More growth leads to more responsibility, which is more stress. I'm happy where I am and I don't want promotions. I'm afraid to tell my manager that, because which manager wants an unambitious engineer? There was someone like that on our team and he was laid off in the last layoff round, so I have…

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

okay I will try this thank you for the suggestion!

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#164

Post by songzme »

mutatio wrote: post #160
songzme wrote: post #114

I really struggle with 1:1s primarily because: 1. Do you want career growth? No, and its hard to tell that to my manager. More growth leads to more responsibility, which is more stress. I'm happy where I am and I don't want promotions. I'm afraid to tell my manager that, because which manager wants an unambitious engineer? There was someone like that on our team and he was laid off in the last layoff round, so I have…

Have you considered contracting / consultancy engagements? I find things like 1:1's infantile / patronising / condescending, I'm sure some employees are convinced about their benefit, however I'm unable to come to that conclusion myself when thinking about it. For me contracting is a more honest exchange of my time and expertise, for money.

I thought about it, and I decided not to. TBH, I like vesting stocks and the stock growth helps me work alot less than I need to ( get to quit, take a year off and live off selling the stock, then go back to work).

With contracting I would have to save and every hour I don't work is an hour I'm not getting money its a bit stressful to think about.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#165

Post by darkerside »

polishdude20 wrote: post #139
darkerside wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you tried asking your boss what they want out of the meeting?

Yeah, usually says it's for me and I can talk about whatever.

Maybe try a Five Why's approach to getting him to tell you what he is looking to get out of it. If there's nothing in it for him, then you are literally wasting his time.

He may be a new manager, in which case, maybe point him to building trust with you, understanding your interests and career goals, and learning about others on the team. Those are all valuable for him, even if he doesn't know if yet.

Just realized I assumed gender so apologies to her if I was wrong.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#166

Post by hashtag-til »

terryf wrote: post #138
songzme wrote: post #114

I really struggle with 1:1s primarily because: 1. Do you want career growth? No, and its hard to tell that to my manager. More growth leads to more responsibility, which is more stress. I'm happy where I am and I don't want promotions. I'm afraid to tell my manager that, because which manager wants an unambitious engineer? There was someone like that on our team and he was laid off in the last layoff round, so I have…

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

> Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap.

This is not how salary raises work IMHO.

In my experience as a new (~2 years) manager, you get many questions when proposing salary raises to people perceived as happy, satisfied and agreeable.

I always feel like I need to put more effort on behalf of my reports and kind of repeat many times the obvious fact that it is better if we don't wait for people to find another job so that we - as a company - come back begging for them to accept a counter-offer raise.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#167

Post by Beltalowda »

alligatorplum wrote: post #155
faangiq wrote: post #23

They’re basically kabuki nonsense like most of corporate America. No one benefits but everyone goes through the motions.

I would disagree, but it comes down to what kind of manager you have. I have seen plenty of people here on HN say that their 1:1 are basically just a manager going through the motion but there are still many 1:1 who are highly effective. 1:1s between me and my manager are usually very productive. Our project had non existent tests and through 1:1s I was able to advocate for tests and TDD to my manager. 6 months later…

> I would disagree, but it comes down to what kind of manager you have. I have seen plenty of people here on HN say that their 1:1 are basically just a manager going through the motion but there are still many 1:1 who are highly effective.

In my experience it's a bit of a mix; sometimes (even often, if things are just going well) 1:1 are just "going through the motions", but sometimes it's a good opportunity to raise concerns or issues that don't necessarily have a place otherwise. It partly depends on the manger, but also hugely depends if there's actually something to discus.

I personally wouldn't raise technical concerns in there though; these are the kind of things that fit in well in general technical meetings where the entire team can discus the issue, and the manager can then make a decision (assuming there isn't a broad consensus yes).

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#168

Post by rramadass »

jarl-ragnar wrote: post #99
rramadass wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bingo! This is the best i have read all week. You will love this HBR article : https://hbr.org/2011/12/first-lets-fire-all-the-managers

Great article, the intro captures the core reasons why I recently quit as an engineering manager at a multi-national aerospace company. It also rather succinctly underlines how Boeing end up with the 737 Max situation.

The author of the article Gary Hamel, has written a book elaborating on the theme named, Humanocracy: Creating Organizations as Amazing as the People Inside Them which you may find useful.

Also see Management: A Political Activity by Ted Stephenson.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#169

Post by terryf »

hashtag-til wrote: post #166
terryf wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

> Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. This is not how salary raises work IMHO. In my experience as a new (~2 years) manager, you get many questions when proposing salary raises to people perceived as happy, satisfied and agreeable. I always feel like I need to put more effort on behalf of my reports and kind of repeat many times the obvious fact that it is better if we don't w…

Sure - it does depend on the company quite a bit, but still justifying a raise is always difficult. That's intentional. Doiing this is a big part of your job - figuring out who you should fight for and then fight for that person.

Re: How to get the most out of your 1:1s

#170

Post by terryf »

jrmiii wrote: post #151
terryf wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a manager - I would love it if someone tells me that! This makes my life so much easier! It means, that I will not have to worry about figuring out a good place for you to grow into. It also means that I will not have to worry about finding a replacement for you after you get promoted. Hell, if you tell me that I'll do everything I can to give you a raise asap. Tip: Your manager really, really wants to hear what y…

I will add that these types tend to amass deep expertise in what they do as well, because they're not just "passing through" the responsibilities - it's their craft. They are incredible teammates and, in my experience, contribute more than "their share" to the mission.

Absolutely! There is always a risk of stagnation and turning into a cynical downer, but if it goes well, then it goes really well.
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