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Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

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Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#161

Post by orangepurple »

nelblu wrote: post #120
foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

I find kids overwhelming, in fact, if I had kids (I don't yet) I would be constantly worried about making sure they get the best of life. I have a dog and he is already a lot of work, I even feel bad on days when it rains and I can't take him out as long as I would like to. I feel bad when I go out for dinner with friends and have to leave him alone. The feeling of raising a dependent is not fun (for me at least). It…

Don't worry. The more kids you have the more your grip on them spirals out of control as they interact with others and develop their own agency and personality. So you do the best you can for them every day, and the butterfly effect will do the rest.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#162

Post by nepalvibes »

codegeek wrote: post #6

I know the feeling but I will leave you with this: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. ― Ernest Hemingway"

This resonates a lot with me. There will always be people smarter, richer and prosperous than you. Appreciate the fact that you are always going to be in a line where you'll have people better and worst than you. Being able to motivate and make small consistent improvements is the key to being a better yourself.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#163

Post by bladegash »

dvh1990 wrote: post #154
JohnBooty wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why are we forsaking that in favor of a "you don't have to try so hard, it's ok to be mediocre" mindset? One reason many feel is the fact that being "the best" often just means making some crappy corporation richer; when you start to feel that the whole system kind of sucks it gets harder to care about accomplishing things within it. I grew up wanting to be a game developer, but what would that mean in a practical se…

I think it's perfectly fine to say "I'm happy where I am, I don't want more". But that's not the OPs sentiment. I think that deep inside OP feels entitled to higher achievements than they have been able to reach, and are resentful of the fact that life hasn't been unfolding properly for a person of their talent. To that I say, how long are you going to nurse your ambition without getting up and doing something about…

I think ambition is motivated by a variety of things, one of which, is by comparing oneself (or having others compare them) to the accomplishments of others. While OP is pretty critical of themselves, they’re also reflecting and asking for feedback. Sounds like they would like to be more ambitious, but need some self-confidence.

To your point, I agree with you that advice like “be true to who you are, don’t change” may be the exact type of advice to where someone would be content with where they are, instead of striving to grow and try something new.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#164

Post by freediver »

> I meet with incredibly smart people with master’s degrees and PhDs knowing so much about their field of expertise while I’m a University drop-out.

Good. That at least qualifies you to become one of the world richest persons, something that is statistically now out of reach for them ;)

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#167

Post by muzani »

JKCalhoun wrote: post #116
foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

Family, kids — I agree. I stopped giving a shit about "changing the world" when my kids came into my life. They became my world. And you will change their world. I suspect they'll remember me forever.

My father was a major foundation for what I do. Someone has to build these foundations. Many people don't take good enough care of their kids and many responsible people don't want kids. So it is literally world changing to be a good parent.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#169

Post by thevagrant »

DyslexicAtheist wrote: post #145
foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

it seems to me that the biggest problem OP faces is the relationship to themselves. Before you can effectively love others you need to be able to be good company to yourself. Because who will put up with you if you don't even think you're worthy of love. I stopped counting the number of times they mentioned that they considered themselves stupid. There is so much negative and toxic self critic in this post that my fe…

Your points are also true.

In my life, kids helped me relearn what it was like to be young.

It took me a number of years to realise I had bad depression / anhedonia.

My kids helped my focus on what was important.

I accepted myself for who I am and was able to feel happy again. My kids think I'm the great wizard with technology, even if I'm considered average.

Message to OP

We can't all be famous or the best at something. We don't all have eidetic memories. You will meet those savant like personalities and they will skew your view of the world, to think that you are not capable by comparing.

Stop comparing.

You can do great things. The greatest achievement is to live a long life and to challenge yourself. Be the best you can be. Accept your limits. Use your ability to help others and take joy in that.

If you can't be Einstein or Tesla, take pride in being part of their journey.

No one will remember us. This is the norm.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#170

Post by memco »

These are deep questions and they are hard to get a handle on for many: thanks for opening up a discussion! You're not alone and if you ever want to chat one-on-one my email is in my profile.

> Now, I’m an unimportant technical writer composing documents for developers and users. There’s no path for career growth if I stay in this specialty. My work doesn’t feel like it takes much talent and I was hired a few times without having any credentials in business writing.

Do you get feedback from anyone at your job about your work? If so, do they disclose the value of your work to the organization or to individuals? Perhaps you can start a conversation with someone on your team, in your user base or in management to get more insight into the value as perceived by others and see if that helps?

Have you considered schooling or certification that you could pursue to help validate your current knowledge and experience? Your employer may have programs or would be willing to sponsor some of the costs to help you.

If your current workplace doesn't have an avenue would you consider a coach or mentor who might be able to help steer you to a new company or career path that you might find suits your needs better?

Self-care is quite important. If you're having trouble feeling at home with your daily routine and aren't feeling able to fully care for yourself or to follow through with the changes you hope to make then asking for help from friends, family, community, doctors or peers is a great way to help move the needle.

> I sometimes wonder if my mental condition or my medication has had an effect on this: I'm bipolar schizoaffective and borderline.

If you haven't talked to a doctor about your current situation it could be helpful to share what you're going through and ask if they would recommend a change in treatment or if they have other resources they could recommend.

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