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The benefits of staying off social media

durmonski.com

161–170 of 319 posts

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#161

Another day, another person telling you how to live your life... Sorry, but even though we know social media has its downsides, it also has advantages: keeping in touch with friends, socializing, a way to stay up to date with your community, new recipe ideas, exercise ideas, time management ideas, maybe even the occasional envy that someone's success triggers more ambition in you to succeed etc. It's a tool, like any…

There does seem to be a rather large "anti-social media" current here on HN and in tech spaces in general. I find it a bit odd how common that sentiment is, since for me it has been relatively easy to tailor social media to my interests in a way that regularly enriches my life. I use Facebook for finding and registering to IRL events, and Instagram / Tiktok / Twitter almost exclusively for consuming tech, programming…

I wasted my time on BBSes and IRC long before social media. I absolutely agree that optimizing for engagement can have some seriously bad consequences and it might even be good to look at regulating it, but a lot of the anti-social-media stuff feels like hipsterism, or ludditeism, or something.

It's sure interesting to notice a crowd who, no doubt, mocked the "violent video games caused Columbine" go full throttle after social media.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#162

I would stay off social media too, as I did for years. I was a happy liberal. It was last year that changed my perspective. I found it was important to stay informed with channels outside of traditional media to know about politics, even though I had tried to stay away from politics or political news all my life. For instance, without social media, I wouldn't know that teachers in schools would tell my kids that they…

lol

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#163
post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

Reddit has a culture that normalizes the symptoms of social anxiety. They call it introversion, but the way its described is 100% social anxiety. I am sympathetic, I have it too. Hell, ever male in my dad's family line seems to have it. But its a problem that needs to be treated and not a character trait that needs to be respected. The WORST thing you can do for social anxiety (or any anxiety) is to avoid trigger it.…

I think /r/jung does a better job with this.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#164
One thing this article doesn't bring up but I have observed in myself since quitting social media about 4 years ago is the pain of living in a world where nobody holds the same values as you do anymore.

Yes, all these benefits will come to you from opting out of social media. You'll grow, learn and appreciate your own life more, and at the same time feel more and more isolated from the world around you.

You'll find you want to dig in deeper and connect with people in a more meaningful way - but there's nobody on the other end of that line. The people you try to forge connections with are empty shells: "These days, no one wants you – your physical company. People are aiming towards your attention and your credit card." Friends are accessories and only worth the prestige or social clout they afford you. My own ex-wife got angry at me when I initially quit social media, because in her mind if something wasn't out there for everyone to witness then it didn't really exist. I wasn't allowed to have a private relationship with my own spouse.

The most frustrating thing about this is the realization that you can't change this.

You can write articles like this, you can share it with your loved ones and friends, and they'll nod and agree that social media is bad and that they value real relationships, then close the tab and hit up Facebook again. The toxicity of social media is really something that comes from a realization in yourself that the life you're leading isn't fun, isn't enjoyable and isn't fulfilling. It's not something you can really show someone.

You'll grow to love yourself and be constantly disappointed in others. The healthy thing to do is to let these relationships decay into whatever they're going to be rather than fight the tide and try to connect to people who don't want to connect. My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care.

It's lonely out there.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#165

I deleted FB 2 years ago, Twitter 2.5 years ago and Instagram 1 year ago. Most close friends found zero problems connecting with me. That’s cause they call, text or we just meet. It’s almost like I started to live in the ‘real’ life rather than a made up one. It felt weird and underwhelming at times but it is horrifying how much we can get sucked into social media without even knowing most of the times. The withdrawa…

Maybe it's my FOMO or the fact that I don't do well at organizing events, but I'd like to keep all channels open. I like to go to everything I'm invited to since I'm not the best at being a host.

I've also absolutely forgotten to invite friends to events because they weren't on social media. Sorry if that makes you think I'm a shitty friend, but if you're inviting, say, 20 people to something, it's pretty damn easy to miss someone you care about.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hear this all the time I'm these discussions, but I call bunk. Sure, small talk is filler content, but you're not going to jump straight into the more meaningful conversations with people you don't yet know. The filler small talk content isn't the substance, it's the launching point for those more substantive conversations. For instance, maybe you got the hat at a concert in Wichita, and this person at the gas stat…

>But it's also totally fine to try to start a conversation with someone. I would agree (and really wish I could) if most people would recognize disinterest and stop there, but anecdotally I'd say half the time it's met with anger or some form of pointed dissatisfaction. People have outright touched me to get my attention about some off-hand comment I ignored initially. It's frequent enough where I'm conditioned to st…

[deleted]

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#167

We are stuck in the twilight zone. I have never seen a serious defense of the dystopic status quo of current tech. I would have loved to. If you read an honest, intelligent argument (that comes from a recognizably human psyche, not a lawyer, or a cynical, amoral capital accumulator) it can "open your eyes". It can convince you that your view is missing an important angle. That can be liberating, exhilarating even as…

For me it starts with making a major distinction between facebook and the comments on HN and YT. Comments are trivial. facebook is a CIA sponsored (according to ABC news) weaponized sexapp.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#168

A common media/pundit narrative is that social media is envy or anxiety-inducing because people are only showing their successes or unobtainable lifestyles, but have these people actually ever used social media? It's the opposite: a lot of sad stories (such as gofundme campaigns for illnesses), people living surprisingly mundane lives. It's not at all like how pundits depict it. Yeah, if you social circle is all goog…

I think people do have a tendency to compare up, not down. I do it myself, too, yet I never find social media making me feel worse about myself. And yet I still get imposter syndrome in work related things, for example.

Maybe the more acutely someone is prone to negative comparisons, the more social media will exacerbate it, but yeah, gotta say, 99% of what i see out there makes me feel fortunate.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like the challenge for creators is less the "social media Orwellian dystopian hellscape etc" and more that virtually everything you can contribute has been done better by someone else before you.

Vonnegut wrote about this a few times. It seems to have been something that bugged him. The short version of his complaint is that mass media, generally, have wiped out the social value of all kinds of moderate artistic talent—for example, fewer people may learn to plink out some holiday tunes on the family upright for everyone to sing along with, because you can just put on the radio, or Spotify. Live storytelling,…

Furry art in particular might be an exception since the larger events were pushing toward 10-15k pre-covid[0], and they had rooms full of people taking and sometimes doing commissions right there with you. It's always been a hybrid online/offline community, so the internet and social media were amplifiers for the offline experience rather than a detriment. Conventions exploded in growth and number with the rise of social media. People increasingly open it up to non-furry friends and family, so it's reached a point where even famous people (or people who worked on famous things) show up to conventions.

How to take lessons from that exception and bring it to other lived experiences is uncertain. Most other niches don't have the fluffy animal aspect to smooth over the difficulty of getting friends/family interested in what you're doing.

[0] https://en.wikifur.com/wiki/List_of_conventions_by_attendanc...

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#170

This may not be terribly popular, and its admittedly just conjecture, but I'm of the opinion that its less about the quantity of social media, and more how one interacts with it and even more so consumes it. Some platforms are clearly more toxic than others, though I'm increasingly of the opinion that they are all pretty toxic, just different flavors of "world outlooks" to choose from. I feel that those that actively…

Like all drugs and addictions it is easier to tell people to control their intake than it is to actually control intake.

Especially when the drug dealer (Meta et al) is so good at getting and keeping you hooked.

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