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What nobody says about startup moms

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Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#161

Post by scooble »

djoldman wrote: post #39

Kids' effect on work life is an important topic. I think it's possible that male, man, men can be substituted for female, woman, women in this article and have it be just as true except for this: > But what people without kids may not realize is the extent to which people with kids want their time to be consumed by them. And, on the whole, I’d guess women more so than men. I have no data on that.

The data could also be misleading. You could look at the numbers of women in the workplace in the 50s and conclude that women generally aren’t interested in the world of work. But this would completely overlook the barriers they faced - such as gendered stereotypes of the kind the author seems to subscribe to.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#162

Post by spoonjim »

Everything in this article can be said about certain dads as well. I know, I’m one of them. Before I had kids I started a company, raised VC, and sold it.

The fact is that there are 24 hours in a day. If you put 4 into your kids that’s great, but there’s someone else putting those 4 into the company. Success is not all about time invested — Elon Musk at 1 hour a day will outperform me with 8 hours a day — but people make their choices in life and I don’t think it’s fair for my group putting in 8 hours a day to ask for the same outcomes from the market as the group putting in 12+.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#163

Post by filleduchaos »

hvaoc wrote: post #54

One of the biggest issue with all this is "We lost the community in the pursuit of individuality". It takes a village to raise a child. I grew up in kind a commune. Most of the days kids would be on the streets playing, eat / sleep in their neighbours house. Moms were able to manage house as stay at home moms (hardest yet under-appreciated job) relatively better because of this community care provided for children. E…

One of my strongest socioeconomic stances is that the nuclear family was a mistake.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#164

Post by bena »

lr4444lr wrote: post #148
bena wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd have to say it's partly a "grass is greener" kind of thing. Just like that one person at a job who apparently "does all the the work". At least according to them. To hear them tell it, the entire enterprise would collapse if they weren't holding it together by sheer force of will. But surprisingly, the place operated just fine before they were brought on and it'll operate fine after. It's just that we get so focu…

The thing is, before you have kids, which no one AFAIK ever tells you, is you completely take for granted the mental "downtime" of not having to worry about another human being's safety and emotional health (e.g., your example to whit, you're just "sitting" at the game, but do you think your son would really like if you opened up your laptop and totally ignored him for 2 hours?). And the "emotional labor" isn't so mu…

Indeed. I find myself in sort of holding patterns. My natural rhythm puts me going to bed later and my wife is usually in bed minutes after we've put the kid to bed, but he'll sometimes pop out and need something, so I've conditioned myself to just sort of have that in the back of my mind for about an hour or two after his official bedtime.

Also, I'm an active participant in the play. I have voices to do, commentary to make, activities to perform. There's a whole universe of characters in his room engaged in various competitions. Ignoring him isn't really an option.

Sometimes it really feels like I'm just switching between wife, kid, work, and friends.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#165

Post by kelnos »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #59
silicon2401 wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It also helps to remember that "they grow up so fast" is cliche, but it's true. The most demanding early years of child raising fly by quickly. It blew my mind when I heard someone say "kids are only toddlers for a couple of years". As a kid you feel like childhood lasts an eternity, and their developmental stages are so significant, but in comparison they spend less time at each phase (infant, toddler, little kid,…

> It blew my mind when I heard someone say "kids are only toddlers for a couple of years" In your early 20s, a couple years of hard work sounds like an eternity. In your 30s and later, you realize a couple years is barely a blip on the radar. The infant/toddler phase is only a couple percent of your overall lifespan. Yes, it's work, but it's not subscribing to a lifetime of sacrifice and misery.

It still fascinates me as to how things look from the outside. I'm turning 40 this year, and have no kids of my own, but I have a 5-year-old nephew and 1.5-year-old niece. Unfortunately I haven't seen the niece in person since before the pandemic, when she was only a couple months old.

But as for my nephew, I keep forgetting that he's still so young. It feels like he should be much older, and much more capable and independent, just based on how long it feels since I spent a few weeks at my sister's house when he was a month old. But if you ask my sister, she'll of course agree that time has passed so quickly.

Relative feelings about the passage of time is just such a weird topic.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#166

Post by bladegash »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #159
bladegash wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s fair, but perhaps there are also some parents that pay far more attention to their children than they really require or is even healthy for them. I found this especially true with our first born, where once you have a second, you quickly realize you probably gave them just a tad too much attention than was necessary. Children have been raised in situations with single parents, ones where one or both parents wo…

By garbage time, I mean I can't productively use the time I'm spending being responsible for the kid to do any involved task. I'm not saying I interact with the kid the whole time, but I have to keep an eye on the toddler to make sure they're not hurting themselves, or more likely, the toddler is pestering me to play with them. They play with their own toys and pots and pans for a few minutes, but it's not long befor…

I hear you, 100% - it’s not easy no matter how you cut it. Infants and toddlers are a handful and they love playing with their parents!

Mine are a bit older now (8 and 5), but I will be a bit sad when they no longer want my attention as much, so I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts!

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#167

Post by kbelder »

toomuchredbull wrote: post #112
ravenstine wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think a lot of that comes from parents often expressing all the negatives of parenthood rather than the positives. Even the ones who love spending time with their kids, in my experience, talk more about how much attention the kids need, taking them to school, the diaper changes, the crying, and so on. This isn't to say that all parents are like this; I've met some really passionate parents, and my parents relished…

I was visiting my wife's family in Fiji and it was amazing how much more attention my boy, a toddler got there than in North America. Females of all ages from like 12-100 would dote on him, ask to hold him and talk to him. In North America women treat him like he's diseased whereas my dog gets lots of attention. Weird. There really is a cultural bias against kids here.

Upvoted, but I wanted to clarify that I think that's regional in the US.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#169

Post by seneca »

giantg2 wrote: post #113

Honestly, the real question in all of this is, Why have kids if you're not going to spend time with them and raise them while they're growing up? We already have too many people on the planet, yet it seems there are people who would rather hire nannies, to watch the kids while they both parents are workaholics. I guess I don't see the point.

Couldn't agree more. It seems incredibly selfish to have children and then hand them over to strangers to raise. It's wildly unfair to the child, and as you said, unhealthy for the planet.

I don't have a coherent thesis, but I've been thinking a lot about the connection between the collapse of civil society, the proliferation of loneliness, and the fact that so many children are being raised by transient strangers they have no real ties to. It strikes me as a blueprint for a dystopian society.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#170

Post by tolbish »

ZephyrBlu wrote: post #137
giantg2 wrote: post #113

Honestly, the real question in all of this is, Why have kids if you're not going to spend time with them and raise them while they're growing up? We already have too many people on the planet, yet it seems there are people who would rather hire nannies, to watch the kids while they both parents are workaholics. I guess I don't see the point.

This is my point of view as well. I don't understand why you would have a child and then proceed to not nurture and teach them because you're busy with something else.

Some see children as a means to an end, unfortunately.
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