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A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

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Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#161

Post by coldtea »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #113
coldtea wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What do you mean when you say you can't think about it rationally? There are enough survivable experiences physiologically similar to death That makes no sense. There are some experiences of coming close to death, or what doctors consider death -- which is the mind/organs shutting down, etc. There is (and can't be) no experience of actual permanent death though, nor has a dead person recounted their experience whil…

Of course. But I would think the experience of falling into a coma after a hypoxic event would convey all the same conscious experiences of death. That would be what it would feel like, until you were unconscious. Then, by definition, you would feel no more.

>But I would think the experience of falling into a coma after a hypoxic event would convey all the same conscious experiences of death.

I'd say so.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#162

Post by bamboozled »

honzzz wrote: post #159
bamboozled wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think climate change and the current climate emergency will cause more unimaginable suffering, as bad as imaginable, if you read the article you’d might realise the fires are a result of severe drought predicted by climate scientists and caused by climate change. Therefore I feel some will find this article disturbing because humans and many living beings have suffered horrible deaths in what I’d call unnatural way…

>>> If you have trouble seeing why some would find a forest full of crying animals who has been partially burned to death sad or troubling with more to come, maybe you’re someone who has trouble feeling empathy? I have no trouble seeing why some would find it troubling - what I do not get is why you would think this is a reason to put there the warning. You say it yourself - we are going to have a lot of problems. Sh…

I explained why I did it, I think you’re overly concerned about a small warning.

People seeing disturbing things won’t just stop climate change.

Ignorance and psychopathic behaviour has slowed progress, not empathy and concern.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#163

Post by watwut »

seppin wrote: post #94
WalterBright wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> He said little, but one phrase he did repeat more than any other was simple: "Any day you're breathing is a good day." To him, every day, every year, every one of the six decades past 1944 was a cherry on top gift. My father, B-17 navigator, said he accepted that he was going to die in combat. The odds at the time of surviving were terrible (about 80% casualties). He did survive (hence my existence), and told me th…

> Upon return to civilian life, he said he was astounded by the triviality of peoples' everyday life concerns. They were going to live another day, what did they have to be concerned about? Perhaps the key to a well-adjusted view of life is trauma? To show you how good the rest of life can be.

If this would be true, veterans and abuse victims would be happier and better adjusted then rest of population.

They are not.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#164

Post by Diederich »

WalterBright wrote: post #121
WalterBright wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> He said little, but one phrase he did repeat more than any other was simple: "Any day you're breathing is a good day." To him, every day, every year, every one of the six decades past 1944 was a cherry on top gift. My father, B-17 navigator, said he accepted that he was going to die in combat. The odds at the time of surviving were terrible (about 80% casualties). He did survive (hence my existence), and told me th…

I'll add that he said there's the "I've been shot at" club in the military that nobody realizes exists until they join it. Essentially, being shot at changes you.

> Essentially, being shot at changes you.

Agreed. Assuming you're someone who is in this club, may I ask: do you think there's a material difference between being shot at in a military sense (for both, say, proper battles as well as what our people were subject to in Iraq, 2003 and later) and being shot at in the city sense (random drive-bys, verbal altercations turning into gunfire) ? Thanks for your consideration.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#165

Post by Diederich »

ido wrote: post #130
m463 wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've learned the most about life from "character building experiences". They are usually unpleasant. They could be as simple as somone telling you not to be stupid, or as complicated as finding lessons out the hard way. The experiences give you the resolve or clues or whatever to avoid bad choices, or appreciate good ones. Or help others understand (if they're receptive).

It could! And it can also fuck you up for life. My grandfather was a teenager during WW2. He was a Polish Jew and lucky to have seen the writing on the wall and fled eastwards when the Nazis invaded (almost the entire rest of his large family died in the holocaust - his only living relative was his brother, who died as a soldier in 1948 in the Israeli war of independence). He had a horrible time during the war but ev…

Thank you for sharing this.

It seems obvious that living and pushing through real hardships can have highly variable impacts on people, depending on the person and the circumstances.

I suspect that one element that makes such experiences more likely to provide positive long-term impacts is perceived or real personal agency during the events in question.

If, during the difficult times, a person feels like they have some material influence over the outcome, and then the outcome is neutral or good, then it's more likely that the whole mess will end up being a net positive life influence.

What do you think?

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#166

Post by Diederich »

badpun wrote: post #154
ido wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It could! And it can also fuck you up for life. My grandfather was a teenager during WW2. He was a Polish Jew and lucky to have seen the writing on the wall and fled eastwards when the Nazis invaded (almost the entire rest of his large family died in the holocaust - his only living relative was his brother, who died as a soldier in 1948 in the Israeli war of independence). He had a horrible time during the war but ev…

Pretty much the same story here. My granda was a Polish teenager who got thrown into Stallinist right prison after surviving 5 years of German WWII occupation. I think the abuse there pretty much wrecked his psyche for life, with signs of mental illness and a pretty miserable character in general afterwards.

Thanks for sharing; see my comment here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21595320

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#167

Post by rchaud »

Diederich wrote: post #23

I was raised by my grandparents. They were born in the 1910s, and grew up in the midwest during the dust bowl and great depression. My grandfather lost most of his buddies in Guadalcanal and Burma during World War II, and, in his own words, fully expected to become worm food himself. He said little, but one phrase he did repeat more than any other was simple: "Any day you're breathing is a good day." To him, every da…

Frankly, I'd be more interested in knowing what your grandfather didn't say, than what he did. Lots of people who've been through traumatic experiences use positive messaging to cope. "Every day you're breathing..." is a soundbite, and can't paper over the hard work and self-reflection that's needed to heal. And even then most trauma survivors don't heal 100%. Of course your grandfather isn't obligated to talk about those parts.

My parents survived a genocide in their home countries. One parent commonly says things like "God has a plan". It is the same thing: a soundbite, and not a one-size-fits-all way to live your life.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#168

Post by Diederich »

crtccnt wrote: post #101
Diederich wrote: post #23

I was raised by my grandparents. They were born in the 1910s, and grew up in the midwest during the dust bowl and great depression. My grandfather lost most of his buddies in Guadalcanal and Burma during World War II, and, in his own words, fully expected to become worm food himself. He said little, but one phrase he did repeat more than any other was simple: "Any day you're breathing is a good day." To him, every da…

"Every day you're breathing is a good day." isn't something that happy people or grateful people say. If you are happy or grateful, you wouldn't even think to say it. Being happy is a state of being that doesn't require rationalization or justification. Happy children or even happy dogs are in the state of happiness and don't require lies like "Every day you're breathing is a good day.". It's been my experience that…

I think I understand the basic sentiment behind all of what you're saying, and I do appreciate you sharing it. I only have time to respond very briefly.

I suspect there are some (fairly reasonable) assumptions behind your assessment here.

First, my grandfather didn't say much at all. He was quiet and reserved, with only a few friends. He said "...breathing is a good day.", perhaps eight or ten times in the 18 years I lived with him, and the following 15 years I'd visit. And it was always in response to me or someone else complaining about trivial stuff.

To be clear: he wasn't repeating that statement like a mantra.

> Honestly, if the only thing you can be grateful for is "breathing" ...

Far from it; it's a baseline of gratitude, not in any way exclusive.

> During the happiest times in my life, I've never even thought to say "Every day you're breathing is a good day.".

For me as well! And likely my grandfather's perspective as well.

> ...grandfather was dissatisfied and unhappy ... PTSD ...

My grandfather definitely dealt with PTSD for many years, but he was 49 years old when I was born, and there were few signs of it left while I was growing up.

To be clear: my grandfather was far from dissatisfied and unhappy. In simple, straightforward ways, he enjoyed his life, through and through.

Finally, I'll note that I am I just sharing this personal anecdote with the deep understanding that every experience and circumstance is different. It is my hope that your father found or is finding peace.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#169

Post by greggman2 »

close04 wrote: post #138
greggman2 wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems trivally easy to counter. Should the starving homeless person look at every day as a blessing? How about the sex traded slaves? "They were going to live another day, what did they have to be concerned about?" I'm not trying to discount your point that you should have some gratitude or put things in perspective but happiness requires much more than just not dying. If nothing else your father had a wife and…

Going through any traumatic experience will change you in ways you can't imagine until it happens. It moves the bar to a point from which it will probably never fully come back, something will always be there to serve as a reference. To anybody who went through trauma looking at other people's lesser trauma looks like "trivialities". But it never works the same way the other way around. You can imagine lesser trauma…

there are plenty of stories of soldiers who went through similar experiences and didn't come out the other side happy for each precious moment.

Re: A 70-year-old's secret to a full and happy life

#170

Post by ido »

Diederich wrote: post #165
ido wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It could! And it can also fuck you up for life. My grandfather was a teenager during WW2. He was a Polish Jew and lucky to have seen the writing on the wall and fled eastwards when the Nazis invaded (almost the entire rest of his large family died in the holocaust - his only living relative was his brother, who died as a soldier in 1948 in the Israeli war of independence). He had a horrible time during the war but ev…

Thank you for sharing this. It seems obvious that living and pushing through real hardships can have highly variable impacts on people, depending on the person and the circumstances. I suspect that one element that makes such experiences more likely to provide positive long-term impacts is perceived or real personal agency during the events in question. If, during the difficult times, a person feels like they have so…

Yeah, that sounds plausible but I'm not sufficiently educated about the research in the area of PTSD and other long term responses to trauma.
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