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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#161

Post by irrational »

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

I've never used social media and I sometimes wonder what other people think when they ask me what my account name is and I tell them I don't have one. They've never seemed to care that I don't have an account. What goes through your head when someone tells you that they don't have a social media account?

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#162

Post by vonseel »

fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49
vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

Understood, but you also have to remember you can't control how your friends communicate. I'd be perfectly fine communicating only via iMessage, but most of my friends have social media accounts and when I quit FB/Instagram and stopped liking their posts, I had less presence in their lives. Think about that - social networks are almost like an Internet schoolyard; just upvoting something shows presence and lets everyone else know that you're in the room.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#163

Post by tenebrisalietum »

inscionent wrote: post #55
mabbo wrote: post #4

I used to excessively post on Facebook. I started to worry that it was unhealthy- why do I need the constant validation from strangers? What is wrong with me psychologically that I crave that more than my own privacy? So I quit last year and I've felt good about that choice. Now I have 17000 HN points and I'm starting to feel like I gave up meth and replaced it with cocaine. Maybe better, but still not good. Going to…

I post not for points. I post because I have something to say. Expressing my self is validating, who cares if others read or agree.

Why not just post to a text file if you really don't care?

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#164

Post by nickstinemates »

vonseel wrote: post #154
nickstinemates wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think the solution is to your ailments is to reconnect on Facebook. I think there's pressure to keep people in your lives that are not involved, partly to do with tradition and partly to do with the way social media now works. Instead of browsing Facebook, why not make the time to actually see these people in real lives, call them on the phone, facetime them, write them a letter? What I am trying to do for my…

While I understand your sentiment, I just don't think connecting with most people by phone or in person is actually feasible. I keep direct text groups open to my immediate family members and closest friends, but I rarely text my sister-in-laws, and I almost never directly contact my cousins, aunts, or uncles. It just doesn't make sense to say "why not call them" as a counter-argument when we don't have that kind of…

I completely understand your point.

I am perplexed at the value of these 'distant relationships' and question if they're necessary. I have spent a lot of time thinking about that and have no good answer.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#165

Post by bumby »

Swizec wrote: post #120
tyfon wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. I have not had this issue since quitting facebook around 2011. But then again I have clearly notified those people that are actually my friends that if they want to include me they need to call or email or something like that. Nobody has issues with that and fully understand my desire to stay aw…

> If someone can't be arsed to call me or send me an email inviting me to their birthday then I don't consider them a friend. And they think the same of you. If their preferred method of communication is Facebook message, are you really a friend if you don’t care?

If I prefer social interactions at a bar and I allow a friendship to suffer because I don't respect a recovering alcoholics preference to avoid those places it makes me the arsehole, not them.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#166

Post by meerita »

mindcrime wrote: post #54
meerita wrote: post #30

I gave up FB and Instagram posts because my political view (conservative) and got 2 banned and harassed by relatives and strangers. Life is way better without FB/Insta

Try being a Libertarian on social media... I get hammered from the "left" because of my "taxation is theft" and "defend the #2A at all costs" mindset, and get hammered from the "right" because I believe in strict separation of Church and State, don't glorify the police and military, oppose all drug laws, am pro-choice, and oppose the death penalty. Basically, every political conversation I get involved in is a negati…

I'm conservative libertarian. I am by no means alt-right or right but people label me as extreme right without excuse.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#167

Post by jandrese »

rconti wrote: post #157
philpem wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've gone the same way with Twitter -- from massive amounts of tweeting to posting fairly regularly on here. Though not to the 17,000 points scale... I was around the 700 mark last time I looked (I don't look at the number very often). The difference for me is, on Twitter you get people quote-RTing you to ask their friends to hate you. Here... it's a relatively polite reply explaining why I'm wrong (and I often am!)…

Twitter is a toxic cesspool and I can't fathom the value people get out of it. I don't CARE about influencers think, I don't WANT to see the most re-tweeted comment. Whereas FB is more "flat"; I see what people who I actually care about post. Nice vacation, hey, your kid did something unremarkable, cool, you got a new dog. If your usage pattern is to try to game the system and gather likes and shares, you're probably…

Twitter is for the most part as toxic as you make it. You have to be willing to aggressively cull the people you follow, and there are always promoted Tweets in there possibly crapping over your nice timeline, but you can make a pretty nice place by being selective in who you follow.

Also, if you care at all what your "score" is on a social media site you will grow to hate it. No matter what the site is remind yourself it always has Who's Line rules: The points don't matter. If you're not an asshole they tend to just come naturally with time. If you're being hidden because your score is too low then you should probably step back and ask if you really want to be part of that community, since you seem to be so at odds with it.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#168

Post by calgaryeng »

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

> brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that

Either that is a misplaced apostrophe, or you are revealing more about your family than you intended! Punctuation is important :)

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#169

Post by avgDev »

Steven_Vellon wrote: post #89
haolez wrote: post #66

In LinkedIn, I get the opposite feeling. It seems that a lot of people spend a considerable amount of energy pumping their profiles with lots of achievements, professional photos and blog posts, but it feels like everybody is talking to themselves. Nobody cares.

Do people actually interact with each other over LinkedIn? The only people I've every talked to are recruiters. I thought it was just a directory of potential employees for recruiters. If people actually do social things on LinkedIn then that's news for me.

My linked in is only for recruiters. I rarely update it. Every time I go on it I get kind of sick I guess? Like I can't really say what makes me dislike it, maybe it feels corporate? It feels like everything there is just to promote yourself? Idk but I hate it.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#170

Post by meerita »

asdf21 wrote: post #79
meerita wrote: post #30

I gave up FB and Instagram posts because my political view (conservative) and got 2 banned and harassed by relatives and strangers. Life is way better without FB/Insta

Hate to break it to you, but I have multiple friends who have been banned from here for the same thing. Be very careful criticizing socialism, for instance, or the mods (one in particular) will accuse you of starting "flame wars". Of course any debate that isn't related to their personal politics or against their worldview is fine. Case in point: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20830862 Note that criticizing cap…

I understand your point. I've got downvoted several times when I critized socialism here at HN.
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