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Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

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Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#161

Post by Retra »

throwanem wrote: post #131
brookside wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

These types of arguments on whether something is or isn't Christian or so prevalent on my FB feed, especially in regards to current politics, even being posted by non-Christians trying to convince their Christian relatives and friends to renounce a policy or politician. My take would be - this is arguing within a nonsensical framework, and we are prolonging the hopefully last stages of the superstitious demon-haunted…

You seem very secure in the belief that, once the "demons" of which you speak are gone, naught but pure cool reason will replace them. One can only assume such optimism stems from a complete ignorance of history.

One can be secure in the belief that a battle is worth fighting, even if nobody has ever one one before. Our future is not determined only by our history.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#162

Post by Retra »

bobbington wrote: post #124
brookside wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

These types of arguments on whether something is or isn't Christian or so prevalent on my FB feed, especially in regards to current politics, even being posted by non-Christians trying to convince their Christian relatives and friends to renounce a policy or politician. My take would be - this is arguing within a nonsensical framework, and we are prolonging the hopefully last stages of the superstitious demon-haunted…

Some of the greatest minds of all time have believed Christianity to be the only framework that works in the world. The materialistic worldview, on the other hand is pitifully inadequate and utterly unable to explain the most basic element of our reality - the existence of our consciousness. While we can point to neurons firing in the brain, there is no materialistic explanation for how that translates into my experi…

You are mistaken. Materialism does offer a clean and consistent explanation of your experience of reality.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#163

Post by throwanem »

Retra wrote: post #161
throwanem wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You seem very secure in the belief that, once the "demons" of which you speak are gone, naught but pure cool reason will replace them. One can only assume such optimism stems from a complete ignorance of history.

One can be secure in the belief that a battle is worth fighting, even if nobody has ever one one before. Our future is not determined only by our history.

Whence came you by this remarkable idea that the battle against religion has never been won before? - not permanently, to be sure, but nothing else ever ends, and why should this?

I find little in the results of past such victories to recommend the conflict be reopened. Should you care to take the time, I'd be interested to hear what leads you to view the matter so differently.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#164

Post by throwanem »

Retra wrote: post #162
bobbington wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some of the greatest minds of all time have believed Christianity to be the only framework that works in the world. The materialistic worldview, on the other hand is pitifully inadequate and utterly unable to explain the most basic element of our reality - the existence of our consciousness. While we can point to neurons firing in the brain, there is no materialistic explanation for how that translates into my experi…

You are mistaken. Materialism does offer a clean and consistent explanation of your experience of reality.

What point in a response which merely says "you're wrong"? I believe I covered the substance of the matter adequately in my own prior comment, sibling to yours; I must confess I fail to see what worthwhile contribution to the discussion you intend to make here. Perhaps you'd like to elucidate?

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#165

Post by suneilp »

manmal wrote: post #91

For anybody learning to say "no" currently - learn to say "no" gently and kindly. I'm quite bad at this myself. I let people impose stuff on me, and once I have had enough, I have a very rude way of telling people off. One reason for this rudeness is a fear that I will lose something when declining (e.g. a relationship or money), so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - I don't want to help, but I feel I sho…

Fear of losing something really does impact social interactions, especially when it comes to asking for what you want, confrontations, or just saying no. I'm working on expressing myself more gently. Yet, sometimes, depending on the situation, I feel being a bit harsher, or more firm, is appropriate.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#166

Post by galfarragem »

hammock wrote: post #113
manmal wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Very true! It's hard to argue with another person's feelings or needs though. I can always need a bit of resting (who doesn't?), so it's not even a lie if I say "Sorry I feel a bit worn out, so I can't take this right now. I have this and that task to do later and I will have to give my everything to do it properly. I hope you find a solution for your problem." The white lie would be "Sorry my foot hurts, I had an ac…

Both of those sound terrible and regardless of your feelings I might tag you as unreliable. Is there a third way?

Yes and without lies: "sorry, I have already other plans."

Although, it doesn't work with very close people that are expecting a concrete justification unless you want to enter in white lies' territory.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#167

Post by lomnakkus »

StavrosK wrote: post #155
lomnakkus wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe I'm off my rocker, but isn't this exactly what "white lies"[1] were invented for? You don't actually always have to be 100% truthful with everyone. (That will also serve you badly in other social situations, BTW.) [1] Point being that even if people eventually find out that you did tell them a "white lie", they'll actually usually be very understanding because that's the societal norm and they realize that you…

I just say "ooohhh, I'd love to, but I have an excuse :(". Most people don't get it, but they're confused long enough for me to escape.

That's quite meta, if I do say so myself.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#168

Post by quadrangle »

merraksh wrote: post #118

At eighteen I went away to college. [...] I had saved enough from a summer's work to pay the fees of the first term, I guess college wasn't that expensive back then (or summer jobs were paying a lot).

Your guess is right (the first part mostly).

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#169

Post by exclusiv »

therealx wrote: post #110
exclusiv wrote: post #60

I'd consider myself accommodating and people often come to me for all sorts of advice. Or help with their new amazing idea. It's nice having a reputation of being able to do a wide variety of things, including building companies which many people fantasize about. I have a successful SaaS with a partner that brought me an idea/opportunity because I had built a reputation as collaborative/knowledgeable/accommodating. I…

I've been using this to great benefit also - require the person to put a decent amount of effort into the idea first. Some people resent you for it, but those that are destined to succeed and are able to make it will keep persevering. I used to not do this and wasted a lot of time in the process. Do you find it hard to shake the reputation you had from before? I know I do.

Yeah it's definitely hard but what helps is to really be upfront and candid about how limited my time is from the beginning.

So if someone refers someone to me, I'll tell them that I'm happy to assist however I can at this point but that my time is limited for the foreseeable future. You can do that directly or just by letting them know what you're currently working on. I want to keep the opportunity open while being honest about how I might be able to assist. Down the road it may even make sense for me to shift my time from one of my other projects/companies to the new opportunity that was cultivated from the reputation.

If it's an area that I'm not interested in, I'll say that too - "the restaurant (tech) business is tough and I don't have expertise in that arena so it's not for me". But I'll usually provide some strategies and let them know that the dialogue is always open with me.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#170

Post by ericd »

throwanem wrote: post #152
ericd wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All else being equal, it'd be nice if we were all on the same page so that we could get past extremely fundamental arguments such as "should we teach our children science in school, or theology". Because one of those is useful in making our citizens and country competitive on the world scene, and the other is useful in decreasing our reputation on the world scene. Otherwise, yeah, I don't give a hoot what you want to…

The Scopes monkey trial was quite a long time ago indeed. If a peaceful modus vivendi were the goal, one might reasonably imagine that enforcement efforts, whether legal, judicial, or cultural, would end when teaching the theory and evidence of human evolution ceased to be illegal. The attempt to dictate that that, and nothing else, be permissible - utterly without regard, in this nation of better than a quarter bill…

Sure thing, thanks for responding civilly.

The thing with what you seem to be saying (that the science camp is trying to drive religion out of schools despite their supposed adherence to "live and let live") is that public schools are a state institution, and separation of church and state is also incredibly important. You're perfectly free to set up religious schools (which exist), and also to home school your children (also common for the religious). What's explicitly not OK is trying to foist your specific religion in an institution paid for by public money. That's the entire distinction. Past that, "live and let live" is indeed the order of the day.

But then, I suppose you may view science as another religion, and I guess that's probably going to be a sticking point. I view it as mostly orthogonal except for the creationist stuff that has mountains of evidence against it, and requires rather convoluted reasoning about God putting the evidence there as a test of faith (my understanding of the reasoning, anyway)

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