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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#161

Post by lisper »

digler999 wrote: post #115
jsprogrammer wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ok, so therapy has moved from lobotomies to... As I said, therapy seems to be devoid of any real definition.

psychotherapy is a form of treatment for many psychological disorders as defined by the DSM-V. The treatment varies based on the therapist's style and patient preference, but it always centers around talking to a licensed professional about the patient's feelings, behaviors, thoughts, dreams, fears. Through talking, the therapist can spot patterns of harmful and destructive beliefs and thought patterns. To use a bit…

I upvoted you, but I would like to say that I think jsprogrammer's remarks being downvoted into oblivion is not warranted. He (she?) may have made his (her?) point inartfully, but it is a valid point: what is the basis for believing that "therapy" (whatever it may mean at this particular point in time) actually works, that it is anything more than a placebo?

For example, this to me is a yellow flag:

> talking to a licensed professional

Why is licensure such a key feature? Licensure can be as much an indication of political corruption and protectionism as scientific validity.

[EDIT: Just for the record, I actually do believe that therapy works, and I have advocated for it myself. That doesn't make it any less valid to ask the question: what is the basis for this belief?]

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#162

Post by leaveyou »

b1tr0t wrote: post #160
leaveyou wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After more than 10 years of serious and progressing anxiety disorder I discovered this plant wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypericum (Hypericum Perforatum or Millepertuis in french). In less than 3 weeks I was a different man. Ironically it has one noticeable "side effect": it has aphrodisiac properties (I didn't know it but it became quite obvious after several weeks. It's confirmed by other sources too). Also raises your Phot…

Do you have a preferred brand or online source? I've also had good experiences with St Johns wort but found quality varies a lot from what you get at a pharmacy.

I have only used these: www.dieti-natura.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=millepertuis

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#163

Post by josefdlange »

JohnBooty wrote: post #89

When your partner has anxiety, every problem you have now becomes two problems. Because when you have a problem (work, health, whatever) you now either have to (1) figure out how to tell your partner without causing a meltdown (which will probably fail no matter what you do) or... (2) just keep it to yourself (obviously unhealthy) So that sucks. You have to partially mitigate it by reducing your partner's overall str…

The last line is the important one.

> It's not their fault, they didn't choose this. You did.

That's exactly right. You chose it. You chose to be a partner to that person. In the case of marriage, typically that means "in sickness and in health" and so you either step up to the plate and be the support they need, or you realize your mistake and move on before it destroys both of you.

That's the positive (yet realistic) take on what you're saying here, which I hope is your intent.

I'm a little bothered by your characterization of partnership with someone with a mental health condition as "...tiptoeing through the fucking minefield of their emotions..."

Mental health issues are not emotions. They may interplay to a degree, but do not mistake clinical anxiety or depression for someone being excessively emotional. It is a medical disorder of the brain that causes it to malfunction. My ending statement is a bit hyperbolic, but not really: dismissing a mental health disorder as emotions is how people end up dead.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#164

Post by kafkaesq »

Keep in mind that chronic anxiety is often the flip side of other, highly positive traits -- like empathy; the capacity to be deeply committed to others and one's goals; and self-knowledge, generally -- which many seemingly "relaxed, self-assured" people sorely lack.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#165

Post by itschekkers »

FailMore wrote: post #59

Hi All, I thought I'd share my experience as someone who has been through anxiety and come through the other side. I was very lucky to have (and still have) a fantastic therapist to help and teach me. Why we get anxiety: I sure know how confusing anxiety can be! It doesn't feel like it comes from anywhere clear or that it has an obvious purpose... but in fact is is strangely systematic. Anxiety does two things (we wi…

hey, I'm not from YC nor am I rich, but we have recently founded a startup (www.spring.care) developing tools that help depressed patients identify the best antidepressant for them. I'd love to do something similar for Anxiety, or help you do it yourself. feel free to reach out to us through the website

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#166

Post by draw_down »

jacalata wrote: post #88
draw_down wrote: post #74

God bless you both but I could never do this. Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. I was with someone like this for years in my 20s and it eventually became unbearable. At some level, "I have anxiety" starts to feel like an excuse, not that the person can control it exactly, but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth liste…

> Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. Would you make the same argument about a partner with cancer, or Alzheimer's, or multiple sclerosis?

I don't like when people compare mental issues to physical disease because three doctors will all diagnose the same cancer as cancer, not so with e.g. anxiety. (Not to mention the race, class, and gender biases that come into play with diagnosing mental issues).

Beside that, there is some element of choice if the condition exists at the time you decide to make the other person your partner. If you meet someone with cancer and decide they'll be your partner, well, you make that choice and everything that comes with it. This is why I say I can't do it. I tried once, for a long time. If your partner becomes ill at some point after that, well, that's life. And it could just as easily have been you.

But anyway, yes, it's hard no matter what. Illness is bad, and sad, and it makes life hard for everyone.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#167

Post by amelius »

itschekkers wrote: post #165
FailMore wrote: post #59

Hi All, I thought I'd share my experience as someone who has been through anxiety and come through the other side. I was very lucky to have (and still have) a fantastic therapist to help and teach me. Why we get anxiety: I sure know how confusing anxiety can be! It doesn't feel like it comes from anywhere clear or that it has an obvious purpose... but in fact is is strangely systematic. Anxiety does two things (we wi…

hey, I'm not from YC nor am I rich, but we have recently founded a startup (www.spring.care) developing tools that help depressed patients identify the best antidepressant for them. I'd love to do something similar for Anxiety, or help you do it yourself. feel free to reach out to us through the website

Do you only recommend prescription drugs? I'm asking because dietary supplements have reportedly also worked for mood disorders. See e.g. the book of Julia Ross, "The Mood Cure".

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#168

Post by digler999 »

lisper wrote: post #161
digler999 wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

psychotherapy is a form of treatment for many psychological disorders as defined by the DSM-V. The treatment varies based on the therapist's style and patient preference, but it always centers around talking to a licensed professional about the patient's feelings, behaviors, thoughts, dreams, fears. Through talking, the therapist can spot patterns of harmful and destructive beliefs and thought patterns. To use a bit…

I upvoted you, but I would like to say that I think jsprogrammer's remarks being downvoted into oblivion is not warranted. He (she?) may have made his (her?) point inartfully, but it is a valid point: what is the basis for believing that "therapy" (whatever it may mean at this particular point in time) actually works, that it is anything more than a placebo? For example, this to me is a yellow flag: > talking to a li…

> jsprogrammer's remarks being downvoted into oblivion is not warranted.

he's making loaded statements out of ignorance because he wont bother to google psychotherapy's definition. There is a therapeutic process to talking and learning to manage emotions and cope with defenses.

Licensure is a key feature so you prohibit people from making fake therapeutic claims or quackery. Or to limit taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable people (it still happens, but licensure requires insurance). Same reason you or I can't call ourselves doctors and claim to cure physiological illness. Do you disagree with that "licensure" too ? Why can't you and I open up a back and spinal clinic ? We could probably make a lot of dough.

I dont know why its acceptable to denigrate the field of psychology. Is the 'engineering way' the only way to solve problems ? Should they just "stop it" until they have humans figured out down to a schematic/circuit ? Then they can treat all the anxiety/depression from our overworked consumerist lifestyles and make us into the perfect capitalist cattle ? Is psychology bullshit because Apple doesn't yet sell iPsychometers with USB-C interfaces so we can patch our brains with the latest "update" and all be perfect?

Humans aren't machines and healing or treatment for psychological pain and mental illness isn't done by running a script. It's done by interviewing patients, classifying symptoms, taking surveys, attempting (and often failing) treatments, doing double blind trials. Things that aren't deterministic, which is also the nature of reality. Why can't you face that ?

edit: let me give you specific examples of why you need a license to practice:

* patient comes in and says they were raped. and the alleged rapist is still doing it. unlicensed quack might be scared to report it to the police, might avoid helping the patient at all because it's "too difficult", or might try to exploit abuse victim for his own sexual pleasure.

* elderly suicidal patient divulges financial info to therapist, who then tips off a dirty lawyer/estate planner into contacting the patient and stealing /exploiting him.

* husband and wife go to therapy. Husband knows he's getting divorced but doesn't want to pay half. So he pays off the therapist to give biased testimony in court blaming the wife for false actions.

* therapist was personally harmed by a particular person earlier in life. now they take joy in intentionally misleading/upsetting other patients who look/act like the one who hurt them.

I hope this is enough to see why the field is regulated.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#169

Post by digler999 »

jsprogrammer wrote: post #149
digler999 wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There's presently no standard objective laboratory test I don't know what's so special about a "laboratory". Is there a name yet for this fallacy "because a machine told me, it must be true." ? Should we name it the "calculator fallacy" or the "internet fallacy" ? from your link: "That is why NIMH will be re-orienting its research away from DSM categories." Its research , it doesn't do any good to toss DSM for trea…

As astaloli said, the DSM is not valid. If changes in diagnoses are changing yearly...the NIMH seems completely correct in rejecting the book.

> the DSM is not valid.

that makes treatment easy then. POOF! all mental illness disappears because the book is "invalid". FYI you're using a defense called denial[1] when you do that :)

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#170

Post by homakov »

I've been in that position, shaking in my bed not able to sleep for days. Then I was prescribed many different medications. I ended up doing seroquel and now I'm trying to tamper off it. However in my situation I still have no idea what caused my anxiety. I'm unemployed and don't need to work, and everything seems alright on the surface to me.
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