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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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Re: Being alone

#151

Post by jyrkesh »

sblawrie wrote: post #108
jyrkesh wrote: post #70

Can't really comment on the startup side of things seeing as I'm still in university, but having recently done an internship in a town where I knew no one and going back to school and moving into a place with no roommates for the first time, I've been forced into environments where absolutely no one is encouraging me to go out or meet people or have fun. It's unbelievably easy to stay in and watch Netflix, have a cou…

'One of the most interesting things I've noticed, though, is the reaction others have when I tell them I go to parties or bars by myself (or even to dinner or to movies alone). They're taken aback, and they almost try to marginalize you as some sort of loner.' I've actually had the opposite experience. Sometimes I'll go to bars by myself just to hit on girls. When your friends aren't around to watch, it reduces the d…

Oh that's absolutely true for me. I was talking more about the reaction you get when you're telling your regular friends that last night you went out to a bar by yourself.

Re: Being alone

#152

Post by roflc0ptic »

nollidge wrote: post #137
roflc0ptic wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, exactly. I'm deeply sympathetic towards lefty activists and activism, but I just cannot get over how much privilege "politics" [sic] sounds like original sin. 1. Being racist is bad 2. All white people are racist (by virtue of being born into a racist culture) Ergo... all white people are bad. And I've seen several facebook posts by people of color that say things like "I'M DONE WITH WHITE PEOPLE." And I'm even…

Your more astute social justice commentators tend to point out that everybody is racist (and sexist and transphobic and and and). Including people of color against their own race, because they are not immune to the constant messages that they are "the other". I think it's good to read those frustrated messages with some sympathy. I don't think they're saying they're completely done with ever talking to white people f…

"I can roll my eyes and stop having to think about it for a while (or forever, if I wanted to), but people of color don't really have that luxury."

This gets straight back to the guilt thing, though. This idea that it's a luxury that I have, sure. True. What actions does this observation imply, though? None, as far as I can see, except feeling bad. Should I go listen to people of color voice their experiences because they don't feel listened to? I do, you know, and I do listen with some sympathy, but I don't think it's ever done anyone a bit of good.

Re: Being alone

#153

Post by roflc0ptic »

phillmv wrote: post #121
roflc0ptic wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, exactly. I'm deeply sympathetic towards lefty activists and activism, but I just cannot get over how much privilege "politics" [sic] sounds like original sin. 1. Being racist is bad 2. All white people are racist (by virtue of being born into a racist culture) Ergo... all white people are bad. And I've seen several facebook posts by people of color that say things like "I'M DONE WITH WHITE PEOPLE." And I'm even…

>But at the end of the day, it's this culture that is often hostile to white dudes on principal, and just... okay? So, the premise that this begins with starts not with the notion that you're a bad person who doesn't deserve to live but more from the notion, popular in lefty circles, that your opinion about the plight of less privileged people doesn't matter precisely because you have no experience in the subject mat…

>>here is a legitimate criticism that people have swung too far into these kinds of identity politics, and that they're ultimately more divisive than not. Ultimately, they prevent the formation of a communal polity that can work together on shared incentives rather than splintering into a fractal set of identities.

This is a really good articulation of my feelings about it; better than I've managed so far. :)

>>It gets trickier because a lot of white dudes parse this as a personal attack and thus get (appropriately, from their perspective) upset. I'm not personally, consciously responsible! What did I do wrong?

Often it is a personal attack. "SHUT THE FUCK UP CIS WHITE MALE" isn't satire; it's something I've seen written by someone I personally know to someone else I personally know. The hostility is exhausting and alienating. It's bad because people confuse that hostility with making the world a better place; it turns into a group bullying activity, and people form identities around performing their animus towards some individual members of a group.

That animus has been poison in my life and my community, and I'm taking steps to permanently separate myself from activism because of it. I know several other people who have quit for that particular reason. Capitalism is destroying the biosphere and immiserating most of humanity on its way out and this is the best we've got. I just. I can't deal with it.

Re: Being alone

#154

Post by nadiaks »

aristomc wrote: post #148
aristomc wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

lol

haha 4 downvotes for finding a comment humorous, I think the first paragraph of the article is quite powerful and a good contextual way of starting things off. Worth a read.

I can see contextually how you didn't mean any harm but I guess it was misinterpreted.

No need to downvote 4 times for an "lol".

It was the second paragraph that was equally as powerful for me.

Cheers

Re: Being alone

#155

Post by nutela »

Very good write up. Esp. about the identies framework. When you are feeling not really yourself it's time to explore! Best is when the sence of self dissapears, look how many friends you make then :-)

Re: Being alone

#156

Post by fit2rule »

vijayr wrote: post #59
fit2rule wrote: post #10

One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you tre…

Where did you move from, and which countries did you move to?

Australia->America->Japan->England->Germany->Austria.

Very 'western' I know, but nevertheless, lots of culture got stripped away, new layers added, and underneath it all I found myself. Soon as my kids get a bit older, we'll probably move to Peru.

Re: Being alone

#157

Post by swombat »

tomp wrote: post #140
swombat wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's still sadly the case that in many parts of the world, if you're, say, gay, and you "get out there" and end up talking to the wrong person, they might gang up on you in the parking lot as you leave and beat the shit out of you. It's fairly unlikely in a civilised surrounding, but civilisation is rarer than you think. As a straight white male, your potential downside from getting into a chat with someone at a part…

I assumed we're speaking about the first world. I totally agree that different people are treated differently by the (majority of the) society, but to speak of privilege... Maybe women are more likely to be touched by strangers in a club, but most of my male friends have already been assaulted, either in clubs or in the street. I was assaulted in broad dailght. I don't personally know any woman that had anything simi…

Even the "first world" can vary greatly. You'll get a different risk profile in some small town in the middle of the bible belt in the US than you would in central London, for example. As I said, civilisation is rarer than you think.

Re: Being alone

#158

Post by makomk »

spindritf wrote: post #75
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Oh, good. It's not just me. > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber. And just wrong on a blog[1]. We already allowed lawyers and CYA politicians to slap warning labels on everything (despite the fact that it's counter-productive[2]). Are we now going to put disclaimers on private blogs? Or is it li…

He also completely failed to mention mental health issues, which was the more glaring omission for me.

Re: Being alone

#159

Post by cobrausn »

shinratdr wrote: post #126
cobrausn wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Providing benefits to anyone while excluding anyone else is technically discrimination. That's doesn't make it bad. Not all things are equal. It's discrimination that students pay less than you to take the subway. Also discrimination, also not a bad thing. Except for that it's discrimination based on need and not race.

Sometimes race correlates to need. In the case of First Nations peoples in Canada, it very much does.

So, agreeing that race can (in some cases) be a good predictor of need, we can agree that the opposite is not true? Case in point, the OP had need, but got no help because he was the 'wrong' race. If your goal is to create lasting racial division and engender feelings of racial inequality and unfairness, race-based discrimination (in the form of benefits) seems to do the trick - here we are, years later, and it still bothers him.

Re: Being alone

#160

Post by nollidge »

roflc0ptic wrote: post #152
nollidge wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your more astute social justice commentators tend to point out that everybody is racist (and sexist and transphobic and and and). Including people of color against their own race, because they are not immune to the constant messages that they are "the other". I think it's good to read those frustrated messages with some sympathy. I don't think they're saying they're completely done with ever talking to white people f…

"I can roll my eyes and stop having to think about it for a while (or forever, if I wanted to), but people of color don't really have that luxury." This gets straight back to the guilt thing, though. This idea that it's a luxury that I have, sure. True. What actions does this observation imply, though? None, as far as I can see, except feeling bad. Should I go listen to people of color voice their experiences because…

I think listening does a bit of good. Understanding does even more, and sharing that understanding so they don't have to does even more good. The unfortunate fact is that you'll be listened to better by another white person than a person of color, who'll be perceived as being "biased".
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