I'm a shut-in. This is my story • Hacker News Board

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#151

Post by mindcrime » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:14 AM UTC

guizzy wrote: post #143

sliverstorm wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm pretty sure the "inner voice" is just a metaphor to describe a concept. I, too, do not hear a voice echoing in my head as if God was speaking inside my skull. I have a train of thought that I could directly translate to spoken words, but is not actually in words. It is more abstract; I shuffle around ideas. Sometimes I will speak aloud to myself when I'm trying to disassociate to find a new viewpoint, but that's…

As someone with a very dominant "inner voice", I have to say that, at least to me, it is exactly as having a voice echoing in my head, constantly. More precisely, I happen to think exclusively in dialogues. I imagine talking to a person, and I hear the conversation I would have with that person in my head, and their counterpoints. It gets tiring. Recently I've taken up drawing; when I draw my head is finally quiet.

More precisely, I happen to think exclusively in dialogues. I imagine talking to a person, and I hear the conversation I would have with that person in my head, and their counterpoints.

I'm pretty much the same way. I'm not sure I'd say I exactly "hear" my "inner voice" but my thinking is definitely dominated by "spoken word" stuff.

Of course, I also talk to myself out loud sometimes, when working on a hard problem. Not sure how "normal" that is, but I can't say I really care a whole lot either.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#152

Post by dcfindlay » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:16 AM UTC

sliverstorm wrote: post #108

crntaylor wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't have a voice in my head. When I learnt from reddit discussions that most people experience their inner thoughts as an inner monologue, I was flabbergasted. If I heard a voice, I would think I was going insane. I think that's pretty normal. A quick poll of the other three people in the room reveals that none of us experience an 'inner voice'. It's more like a stream of associations, some of which might involve…

I'm pretty sure the "inner voice" is just a metaphor to describe a concept. I, too, do not hear a voice echoing in my head as if God was speaking inside my skull. I have a train of thought that I could directly translate to spoken words, but is not actually in words. It is more abstract; I shuffle around ideas. Sometimes I will speak aloud to myself when I'm trying to disassociate to find a new viewpoint, but that's…

It's a metaphor, but only just. I talk to myself in my head, but only at the end of a thought process once I've formed some ideas and I'm trying to crystallise them into an argument that sounds right. Like others have said here, if you switch to thinking in English too early on you cripple yourself -- it's just too slow and linear for dealing with multiple threads, relationships and associations, which our minds are brilliant at.

Like you suggested, I also think in spoken words when I'm questioning myself, playing devil's advocate. "Why does that matter?" "Is such and such really the case? Prove it." "You're ignoring some really important factor over here."

I find thinking AND trying to record stuff frustrating. If I'm dictating to a recorder I'll always speak in fragments of sentences, or talk ridiculously fast if I'm on a train of thought, because I can feel the next three or four links & associations coming, and I'm scared of losing them while I finish the one I'm currently talking about. Of course, being scared of losing them pretty much guarantees that you do.

Regarding the "inner voice", I find it's always self-directed. I can keep thinking, but choose to talk or not talk in my head. I suppose, if ever you get words in your head that aren't self-directed, pay very close attention.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#153

Post by gcb0 » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:17 AM UTC

RyanZAG wrote: post #37

I think you're wrong on one point: you constantly repeat how different and strange you are from everyone else. You're really not. As you mentioned at one point: you didn't want to go out and play, but the teacher forced you to do so. This is very common behavior, and teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play. Huge amount of people go through similar experiences to yours. Others start to lapse into an…

> teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play.

until eventually they don't have to. I don't think they ever managed to quit doing it for the OP.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#154

Post by cupcake-unicorn » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:18 AM UTC

scottrogowski wrote: post #145

Really interesting read. That is the first time in a while I have read something that long on the internet without skimming. A couple of thoughts: You mentioned that your last close friend was when you were 12 and that you were in a distance high school. Do be sure that you realize that middle school was as bad as it gets in regards to social pressure to be normal. This is a different world now. Immediately out of co…

Great reply. I'm always so happy that the comments on HN seem to be so reasonable.

What stood out to me is your comment about moving...I myself have picked up a lot of unhealthy behaviors and habits by being trapped in a city where people are distant and flaky. I've forgotten that not everyone is like that. I myself have thought that my only other options are SF or moving abroad, so it's interesting to hear someone else voice that.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#155

Post by cupcake-unicorn » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:33 AM UTC

astine wrote: post #92

There is a persistent ignorance about homeschoolers lacking socialization, an assertion I find laughable. Homeschooling done properly, frees up more time and increases true socialization. I was involved in sports, chess, and a wide range of homeschooler organized activities. 90% of the homeschoolers I have ever encountered were as equally if not more involved in social activities. I was homeschooled and while it's tr…

I was homeschooled (just through highschool), yet maybe not a "traditional" homeschooling - I basically chose my own classes and went to community college, etc. I would think that any studies done on homeschooling from the more religious aspect would be hard to interpret.

I feel more socially awkward and that I have to fake it, but I think in reality I do quite well. Sometimes I wonder if what I'm experiencing is the fact that I have a low-tolerance for sophomoric, highschool-like drama and BS, because I never had to experience it :)

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#156

Post by tantaman » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 1:34 AM UTC

It sounds silly & cliche but having a significant other will really help him out in this department.

Someone that you have to commit to. Someone that'll be there long enough to see all your bullshit and hypocrisies and call you out on them.

If you're alone, it's easy to commit to doing something only to later "forget" about the commitment when it is no longer convenient for you. A partner that you've made a commitment to won't forget it so easily.

The same goes for business. Maybe that's why startups often have strong co-founders.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#157

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 2:07 AM UTC

jpxxx wrote: post #44

thaumaturgy wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ...now be the best person in other people's lives. ...Why? I've spent most of the last ten years trying to do just that. Do you know what it has gotten me? Let me tell you what it has gotten me: friends and family that never call unless they need something; an utterly depleted bank account; a complete lack of respect or even human regard from my peers; a pile of strife and struggle and pain and misery and not one s…

I don't appreciate some self-loathing bitch drafting on my thoughts for misanthropy points. You know what sucks worse than trying to find competent professional medical attention in America? Blowing your head off with a gun and leaving your decomposing meat for someone to find and clean up. Those are the stakes here. This author wrote a novella about watching his life reduce to nothing, then wrapped it in a wordpress…

[deleted]

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#158

Post by pizzeys » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 2:11 AM UTC

cowsaysoink wrote: post #93

k-mcgrady wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I presume he orders online. I'm not sure what it's like where you are but here I order online from the largest supermarkets (Tesco, Asda etc.) and have it delivered to my door the next day for a £3-5 delivery charge. It's pretty commonplace.

That isn't commonplace in the US which I assume that is where he is from considering the whois info. In fact it would probably be much more expensive here. The main choices probably are a family member picking up groceries for you, or a small market which still can deliver groceries, I know mine stopped offering delivery around 5 years ago because the community size grew so much.

Though I'm UK-based, not US, I'm a housebound agoraphobic (I don't leave at all, ever) - you'd be surprised how easy it is logistically in this day and age, actually. I have family members pick things up that are time critical (ie. my dumb ass forgot something I'd need) but other than that everything is deliverable from somewhere.

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#159

Post by vellum » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 2:27 AM UTC

mrtron wrote: post #79

gruseom wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with your first paragraph. We're really not very different from one another, but a craving for identity causes us to seek or invent distinguishing features, which have a way of turning into traps. The pattern seems to be that one spends adolescence and early adulthood acquiring this "wardrobe", then later the task becomes to shed it. That is not easy, because by when you get to shedding-time you've lost the a…

Is this why travel is so important? It forces you to have a barebones "wardrobe" and it helps you down the identity-building path?

It depends where you go. Travel makes you pay attention to your surroundings. It also forces you to let go of certain things, and concentrate on a whole new set of issues, like "how to get from point A to point B", or "where am I going next."

Re: I'm a shut-in. This is my story

#160

Post by rachelbythebay » Thu, Feb 21, 2013, 2:31 AM UTC

unconed wrote: post #84

RyanZAG wrote: post #37

I think you're wrong on one point: you constantly repeat how different and strange you are from everyone else. You're really not. As you mentioned at one point: you didn't want to go out and play, but the teacher forced you to do so. This is very common behavior, and teachers are forcing children every day to go out and play. Huge amount of people go through similar experiences to yours. Others start to lapse into an…

I identify with huge portions of this post. And if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that I don't think like most other people. I don't mean "my ideas are better" or "I have superior reasoning skills". I mean "the tools that I use to reason about the world are not the same that most people appear to use". It's the only logical explanation for the fact that several popular ways in which humans commun…

I latched onto the part of your post about thinking in another language. Way back in school, I had these 90 minute long immersive Spanish classes. You had to speak Spanish the whole time, even for the most ordinary things. It was intended to get you really using the language, and it apparently worked. Here's why.

I eventually realized that for a few minutes after leaving that class, as I walked to my bus, my inner monologue was running in Spanish, too. I might be thinking about the same things, but the words used for them would be different. This would slowly click back over as I started hearing and talking to my fellow students, and I'd be back to normal a few minutes after that.

The thing is, this adaptive behavior isn't limited to extremes like EN vs. ES. There are different subsets of the language which swap in and out of my speech depending on who's around. I speak one way here on HN, for instance, knowing a bit about my potential audience. I wouldn't sound quite like this with random family members, after all.

What I'm guessing based on what you've said here is that this adaptation might not be a universal thing. Maybe some people just have their preferred language and use it no matter what their audience might be. Perhaps other people pick up on this and think they're "weird" since they're not using the common "code" of the rest of the group. Curious.