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Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

bessstillman.substack.com

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Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#151

Post by cardanome »

ashtakeaway wrote: post #103
Aurornis wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in The problem is that medical diagnoses and therapy speak have spilled over into common language where they’re so diluted that they’re not accurate any more. For many there is no line drawn anywhere because they are self-diagnosing based on flawed understandings as soon as any feeli…

Those folks are the ones who refuse to acknowledge and accept the fact that they were abused by family members while growing up, where those personality 'symptoms' are common. It is very well known that ADD and ADHD comes from abusive households. Nobody except psychologists and anyone in the mental health field would ever admit such failures in life. They will not accept the fact, and exaggeration and deflection of c…

No. Please stop spreading misinformation.

ADHD is something you are born with it. If one biological parent has ADHD there is a 40% chance the child will have it as well. We already know there is a strong genetic link. It is NOT caused by trauma.

There is a huge overlap in symptoms between ADHD and complex PTSD. Yes, one needs to be careful to not confuse the two. That is why when I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was also checked for trauma or any other conditions that could explain my symptoms better. This is the recommended and required procedure for diagnosis.

Furthermore many ADHD people also often have (C)PTSD because living with ADHD can in itself be very traumatic, especially when undiagnosed. And neurodivergent people are also more likely to be victims of abuse.

ADHD is not caused by "abusive households" because again, you are born with it. Also getting an ADHD diagnosis is probably harder to get than an PTSD diagnosis because most psychologists will expect trauma and is quite normal and expected to talk about trauma in therapy. In fact the whole field of Psychoanalysis that is the second most common therapy method after behavior therapy is based on working through childhood experiences.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#152

Post by xyzelement »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #134
xyzelement wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not sure "culture" and "religion" are separable in the long run but I don't think that aligns with the point you're making. Religious people see "be fruitful and multiply" as a literal command from G-d and one of the fundamental points of religion. So while religious culture can evolve, the evolution of this attitude isn't a flexible point. On the flip side, secular culture has no intrinsic reason for "family va…

>which is why, I think, atheist culture over time devolves to childlessness I don't think the data supports this, yet. Religiously affiliated completed TFR is 2.2 while unaffiliated is 1.8. However, completed TFR means this is looking at those older than 60, so expect those numbers to drop in the future. https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2025/02/26/religion-fer... From my observations, TFR is not much different be…

Totally agree, even without reading your links. What matters is the actual faith in Gd. I see this myself. We're members of two temples - one more orthodox and one more what you'd call casual.

The people that show up to the casual one once a year or even a few times a year aren't really "different" than someone who doesn't bother to show up. It's good they are there but the religion isn't influencing how they think and act - which is why the TFR is similar between casually religious and casually non-religious.

Where things differentiate is on the extremes. Someone explicitly atheistic (vs just non-religious) has a TFR around 1 from what I remember, while orthodox and ultra-orthodox have 3.3 and 6.6 respectively. What makes the difference is the degree to which they allow the religion to permeate their mundane existence, which is a factor of faith.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#154

Post by cardanome »

anal_reactor wrote: post #91
Aurornis wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in The problem is that medical diagnoses and therapy speak have spilled over into common language where they’re so diluted that they’re not accurate any more. For many there is no line drawn anywhere because they are self-diagnosing based on flawed understandings as soon as any feeli…

> Many will have no formal diagnosis at all or even proudly claim that they don’t trust the medical system, they’re just diagnosing themselves. The thing is, many people have valid reasons not to trust the medical system. Not so long ago: 1. Homosexuality was considered a mental disease 2. Forced sterilization of minorities was good medical practice 3. FDA ignored warnings about pesticides being potentially harmful b…

I mean I live in Germany where Hans Asperger oversaw the mass killing of autistic children. He decided which one were to be murdered or which had the "right kind of autism" i.e. Asperger syndrome and could serve the fatherland. (Just to be clear, the differentiation between autism and Asperger has not and had never any scientific leg to stand on.)

The term Asperger syndrome was only removed from the DSM in 2013.

For autistic children something called Applied Behavior Therapy is still the most common treatment. It is the same thing they use in gay conversation camps. Yes, literally. It can be super traumatizing to autistic children.

The way we treat neurodivergent people is absolutely abhorrent.

That said, the main issue people don't get a diagnosis is not lack of trust but lack of access. Most people can't afford it or are not able to jump over the bureaucratic hurdles to get it.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#155

Post by nradov »

AdmiralAsshat wrote: post #142
Aurornis wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in The problem is that medical diagnoses and therapy speak have spilled over into common language where they’re so diluted that they’re not accurate any more. For many there is no line drawn anywhere because they are self-diagnosing based on flawed understandings as soon as any feeli…

> This is scarily obvious when I’ve worked with college students and early 20s juniors lately: A subset of them speak of everything human nature in medical and therapy speak. Common human experiences like being sad about something or having a tough day are immediately amplified into full-blown medical terms like “I’m having a depressive episode today” (which is gone by tomorrow). Being a little nervous about somethin…

Some of us do sprint workouts every week or two as part of sports training. Those are exhausting and require some recovery but you won't get faster unless you put in work.

But your point about misleading terminology is correct. That's why modern methodologies such as Scaled Agile Framework (SAFe) have adopted the more neutral term "iterations" which doesn't imply anything about velocity.

https://framework.scaledagile.com/iterations/

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#156

Post by watwut »

isk517 wrote: post #69
Aurornis wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in The problem is that medical diagnoses and therapy speak have spilled over into common language where they’re so diluted that they’re not accurate any more. For many there is no line drawn anywhere because they are self-diagnosing based on flawed understandings as soon as any feeli…

The dilution by people with no formal diagnosis become more common is scary because of how it normalizes not seeking help, which is the hardest part of actually having these issues. It creates this illusion that one should be able to treat themselves and that things like sitting at your desk all day thinking it wouldn't be that bad if you died in a car accident, or having your heartrate spike and sweating profusely w…

Standard among previous generation was to not seek help, stigmatize those who do, mock the issues and generally not even have vocabulary to talk about them.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#157

Post by qweqwe123 »

I wish someone mentioned DMT here (N,N-DMT). It's really that powerful that you can't ignore that.

Look up DiMiTri ladder protocol, or even without a protocol. The thing is that DMT enthusiasts have advanced quite a bit. Now you don't need to smoke DMT to get a "breakthrough". The entire "breakthrough" moment is somewhat overhyped.

But you can extract the molecule by yourself, and create your own vape, and experience the safest way known so far to overcome years of grief in weeks, sometimes days.

The idea is inhaling every minute relatively small dose to keep yourself here in this world without any breakthroughs, and maintaining this control for the next 60 minutes, while healing the trauma. So in total 60 relatively easy inhales. And it works.

It's definitely underestimated in HN community.

PS and "breakthrough" moments might allow you to see the person and talk to them

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#158

Post by aogaili »

aeturnum wrote: post #17

> We medicalize grief because we fear it. I think this is just incorrect. You are not obligated to seek treatment for most medical problems[1]. The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in and when people enter a situation where they may need external help. One of the diagnostic criteria, which this article mentions, is that y…

Grief is feared and timed because it impacts the velocity in scrum.

Closing your Jira tickets on time is the order. Therefore grief by preventing the closure creates disorder.

Stop reading HN and work on your next Jira.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#159

Post by aeturnum »

ericyd wrote: post #138
aeturnum wrote: post #17

> We medicalize grief because we fear it. I think this is just incorrect. You are not obligated to seek treatment for most medical problems[1]. The point of medicalizing something is to draw a line between situations where it would be too soon for medical professionals to step in and when people enter a situation where they may need external help. One of the diagnostic criteria, which this article mentions, is that y…

I would posit that you are reading this too literally. I didn't get the impression that the author was trying to rail against the medical establishment but rather to process her own experience in relation to professional guidance on the topic. I took it much more as a personal reflective essay than a professional medical critique.

Sure - it's an expansive essay on the authors' experience around their grief. I never said that this was their thesis, but I do think the way they talk about medicalization is worth critiquing. They put their experience in tension with medicalization in a way that I don't quite see.

Edit: I specifically think it's wrong to say we medicalize grief because we fear it. We medicalize it because some people would like a medical intervention with their grief. It's great and right that the author does not want that - but also they shouldn't write in a way that suggest that medical interventions in grief are wrongheaded.

Re: Grief gets an expiration date, just like us

#160

Post by autoexec »

fleshmonad wrote: post #99
KittenInABox wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my understanding ADHD is one of the few conditions that is extremely well studied and consistently appears to be a certain % of the population regardless of nationality with very strongly correlated negative outcomes with their suite of symptoms. I'm talking addition, obesity, and a shortened lifespan directly related to their ADHD. This seems like a disorder to me. If someone has attention difficulties and can fu…

Function in what context? I have been diagnosed with ADHD at age seven. I have had many checkups and am currently medicated. I can tell you that I wouldn't need to if I didn't have to work a menial wageslave job. Interestingly I can focus perfectly fine when doing interesting stuff without medication and it has always been this way. What you are saying is that there is some proper definition of disorder, which would…

I'd be willing to bet that there's some percentage of people who don't have ADHD, but they're also not capable of adapting to and meeting the unnatural demands school and work place on everyone and so they struggle in those environments where most people don't. ADHD medication still helps them overcome that difficultly and those medications can make a huge positive impact on their lives as a result. I'm okay with that.

Maybe we should have a different diagnosis for those kinds of people entirely and leave ADHD to the folks who couldn't accomplish what they wanted to do even if they never had to work, go to school, or follow a schedule set by another person. In the end though, what you call it doesn't matter. Both situations are thankfully improved through the use of the same types of medications. Medications which are pretty safe and can mean the difference between being able to support yourself or failing to.

I'm okay with a wider spectrum of people falling under the ADHD umbrella even if some of them don't like being lumped in with people who really do have an executive function disorder. Odds are good those people wouldn't like whatever new label doctors came up with to describe them either. It'll pretty much always carry negative connotations because ultimately, it means that you don't have it in you to do what most people are able to do just fine.

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