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In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

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Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#151

Post by disambiguation »

tacitusarc wrote: post #119
disambiguation wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems like a very specific perspective, I take it you're the "Live to Work" kind of person?

I think this characterization implies a dichotomy that bothers me. Work is certainly not my top priority, but I spend a ton of my time on my job, and I would like to feel fulfilled and happy doing it. Have capable colleagues that you can trust to pull their weight is a big part of that. In general, I’ve found that the clock-in, clock-out types seem to take their mediocrity as almost a badge of honor, with this feelin…

The person I replied to claims their work based social interactions are totally utilitarian and transactional - very Patrick Bateman. Should work be fun? Of course, in fact every part of life should be good and fun for everyone all the time, yes? But realistically, I wouldn't have any fun working with this guy. If other peoples "mediocrity" is spoiling the "fun" for you, then you should consider building your own fun zone - no boring, mediocre people allowed.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#152

Post by beezlebroxxxxxx »

xrd wrote: post #85

How do you do this in a remote environment?

The majority of work behavior and relationship advice can be summarized down to 3 points.

1. Be nice.

2. Don't be an asshole.

3. Don't be a push-over. (Arguably the hardest as many people read that as "be an asshole". It is not.)

The same applies in remote environments.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#153

Post by bravetraveler »

itchyjunk wrote: post #2

Nah, realizing I don't have to constantly be thinking about relationship was what made things a lot less stressful for me. It's still stressful. But at least I get to mind my own business. Not saying everyone is like me. Maybe no one is. But it was better for me to mind my own business and internally say fork you to all the superficial relationships.

You're not alone, though we are rare. I desperately want to go back to minding my own business. Except... everyone I work with now seems to believe I've either lied my way in or desperately need a friend.

We're doing contracting without the upside/autonomy, let's not delude ourselves

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#155

Post by franktankbank »

eloisius wrote: post #72
Magmalgebra wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So you are saying it is better if the candidate lies. This is a toxic framing of an essential test. Constructing polite fictions is an essential skill for collaboration - no less essential than coding. Saying you're leaving in part because "your vision for the product has drfted from leadership's" tells me you probably think they were a pack of moronic baboons and that if you feel that way about some of your future…

Exactly. It sounds like this test is working as expected based on the comments here. "Honest" might mean telling your coworker that their code sucks and you could do it better if they would just get out of your way. Tactful and positive would be saying they're off to a good start but here's some feedback. If someone can't describe their current or previous job in somewhat positive terms, I don't expect they'll be abl…

Imagine if any other field operated this way, holy shit, how does tech only get away with this toxic shit? Good try their Joe, you only nicked the artery a little bit! Umm nope thats not how we cut the lumber Bill, don't worry though the rafters are invisible under the roof!

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#156

Post by geijoenr »

alphazard wrote: post #57

In software, often the people are the source of stress. Building the software is easy to many in this industry, and the vast majority of the value produced came from someone who thought creating it was easy. Being surrounded by rock stars all doing something they find easy is sublime, and I encourage everyone to seek out those environments. They exist and are fleeting. The stress comes from people who are bad at what…

I think this is almost spot on.

There is also people with just toxic personalities that everybody tries to avoid. In Europe unfortunately, is not easy to get rid of such characters and they often victimize teams and jeopardize entire projects.

Septic avoidance and minimizing interactions, sticking to process and keeping the distance are absolutely necessary for mental health.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#157

Post by franktankbank »

haswell wrote: post #47
hobs wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, and toxic positivity obliterates morale - being unable to acknowledge the negative outcomes of decisions means that you are just working towards some idiot's dream until you go play the roulette wheel again to figure out what the next people are not telling you about this place. This is what literally makes tech workers go dream about farming.

Somewhere between toxic negativity and toxic positivity lies a middle ground and I think some of the comments here are presenting a bit of a false dichotomy. When interviewing people, it’s usually possible to identify both extremes. I’d prefer to hire someone who is not toxic. That goes for both extremes.

So going back to the originally assertion about not saying anything negative about the company when asked for reasons why you didn't like it? Why is saying something negative in that situation toxic? Crazy making man!

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#158

Post by taurath »

alxlaz wrote: post #110
mrsilencedogood wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well of course it's more complicated. But these 2 broad strokes do resonate with me as a meaningful bucketing. There are some people I see DMs from and go "ooh" and some people I see DMs from and go "well there goes my morning hand-holding them through something they should already both know and have internalized".

> some people I see DMs from and go "well there goes my morning hand-holding them through something they should already both know and have internalized". Pre-emptively, I'm not saying anything below applies in your case :-). A mismatch in the threshold of "they should already both know and have internalized" is where much of the friction in high-stress organisations comes from. I see a lot of people expecting, as the…

Agree - initiative is not innate, it is trained and built with experience (of rewards for taking initiative), just as waiting for direction is trained and built with experience (of micromanagement and threats to safety).

The worst of the worst in my experience is the person who ignores the existance of 1, 2, and 3, assumes their coworkers who have been conditioned to not stick their neck out are incompetent and are trying to "get one over" on everyone else, and uses that as moral justification to backstab people who would be happy to work with them. The sad part is that the result will only reinforce their belief system.

You will always be surrounded by people, and how you regard them will inform your experience of them. If you allow yourself to force a false dichotomy on others, it will eventually be forced back on you.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#159

Post by taurath »

tacitusarc wrote: post #119
disambiguation wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems like a very specific perspective, I take it you're the "Live to Work" kind of person?

I think this characterization implies a dichotomy that bothers me. Work is certainly not my top priority, but I spend a ton of my time on my job, and I would like to feel fulfilled and happy doing it. Have capable colleagues that you can trust to pull their weight is a big part of that. In general, I’ve found that the clock-in, clock-out types seem to take their mediocrity as almost a badge of honor, with this feelin…

I think your statements belie a sense of honor in both trying to find enjoyment and in developing master with what you do. But I also don't think the underlying dichotomy is the how the GP phrased their characterization of others as "bad" and "making it someone elses problem".

That implies not only a value judgement dichotomy but also an added heap of shame of the morality on those on the wrong side of that value judgement.

Those are not the same things as being okay doing the work you're paid for and not reaching higher - people who do that may have a much better sense of the business value they are providing, and may be trying to avoid an experience of being exploited, or prioritizing their health and well being for the long term rather than the short term needs of the organization that pays them. There's often not a good way to know who is who.

Most of the time when enticed with a reward, people will work harder. When they aren't enticed enough, they tend not to, and that level is different for everyone. Companies seek those who have internal reward structures so they don't have to offer very much to entice people.

Re: In a high-stress work environment, prioritize relationships

#160

Post by projectazorian »

pydry wrote: post #130
pm90 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Disagree. Change can start with anyone. Often its inspiring to see someone buckle the trend and “be real”.

There's that culture of positivity and can-do attitude rearing its head again.

It frequently doesn't work, but even when it doesn't you may still win yourself some unexpected allies who feel the same way. Sometimes those allies are in high places.
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