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Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

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Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#151

Post by dclowd9901 »

burningChrome wrote: post #38

Early on in my career (I was a late bloomer and already in early 30's) as a developer, I got burnt out pretty bad twice. After the second time and teetering on a third, I knew I had to do something to change what I was doing and how I managed my work load. I just focused on getting MY stuff done and that was it. I stopped taking on other's people work. I stopped taking on more work once I got my stuff done. I would d…

You might as well be narrating my own experience. This is the definition of work life balance.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#152

Post by bityard »

al_borland wrote: post #46
noobermin wrote: post #30

I've been burned out for two years after moving to a new country to work in one of the worst post-docs of my life. But, I've found I have no one to rely on but myself because employers don't care that you're burned out, they want to keep up their kpis. Sometimes you have to work even if you're already unhealthy. By the way, this isn't a "when the going gets tough" sort-of post, I'm just stating the reality of life.

My company sends out blasts to everyone that tells us to take care of our mental health and stuff like that, but it’s all a show. Our actually managers drive us into the ground and any sign of weakness are met with a kick while the person is down. Everyone I work with is burned out and miserable, but too scared to say anything about it or take the time they need. Hearing grown men break down and cry on calls isn’t fu…

> Hearing grown men break down and cry on calls isn’t fun. I’ve heard it several times now.

Okay. Let me stop you right there. If that is something that happened once, I could believe you ran across someone who wasn't very emotionally balanced at the time. Twice could be a coincidence. Three times or more means you work in one of the most toxic workplaces I have ever heard of.

I want to be a crystal clear as I can on this point, so I'm going to raise my voice a bit to be heard: THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

> I don’t want to cut my legs out from under myself… especially when a new job is an unknown, it could be even worse.

Yes, a new job is an unknown. But that's life, change is a constant and you have to embrace and embody that in order to truly thrive.

Based on the fact that very few companies are staffed entirely of psychopaths, outside of fintech anyway, let me ask you this: do you really think throwing a dart at a random list of companies is likely to hit one that's materially worse?

Either way, if you're not happy where you're at, wouldn't it make sense to throw the dart anyway, just to see where it hits?

> and it seems like any new job would mean a pay cut.

1. You are already halfway to the mental ward if you think a little extra money is worth all your sanity.

2. You are probably wrong anyway. If one company is willing to pay you X dollars for your skills and experience, others will too. In fact, and I speak from recent experience here, many are willing to pay a great deal more.

> I also have this idea in my head that I would be able to be mentally strong enough to find happiness in any situation, and if I run away from something bad, rather than being pulled toward something better, than I won’t grow as a person.

No offense, but that is extremely backwards thinking. Would you continue to live with a physically abusive partner until a better mate showed up on your doorstep? No? Why would you continue to live with an emotionally abusive one?

It sounds like you are waiting to be rescued from this situation by something or someone. Let me assure you: no one is coming to save you. You are the one in charge of your physical and mental well being. That isn't to say you shouldn't ask for help, but you need to be the one to stand up to whatever fears are holding you back and say, enough with this bullshit, enough working for fuckwits, I deserve respectful coworkers, competent managers, and rewarding work.

You may not find complete happiness, but you don't have to stand for constant misery.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#154

Post by huijzer »

nunez wrote: post #113
beaglesss wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All hours spent with kids under 5 is basically 'on'. Which would leave most mothers I've met at zero 'on hours' left for work. A reason for the 'gender pay gap'?

[flagged]

Yes! And Christianity to this day is still very and subtly misogynistic. For example, why does a woman need to give up her last name when marrying?

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#155

Post by dheera »

giantg2 wrote: post #99
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages. I have never had a leetcode-style interview in 40 years. (I may have had one such question , maybe - hard to remember for sure.) So, no, it is not required at all stages. Disclaimer: I'm in embedded systems, which is very different from FAANG.

Funny enough, I just had my first LeetCode question ever... for an internal job posting. Wtf

Can't they just look at your code commit history ...

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#156

Post by dheera »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #59
Bayko wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages. For that the way that works for me is to never let go of it. I will solve 2 3 problems over a week even when I have a job. That downtime at work when you are at home or waiting for the next meeting...just leetcode. I absolutely hate LC and hate the fact that it is omnipresent but now no longer fear it. Except Dynami…

> Unfortunately when it comes to preparing for interview leetcode is pretty much required at all stages. I have never had a leetcode-style interview in 40 years. (I may have had one such question , maybe - hard to remember for sure.) So, no, it is not required at all stages. Disclaimer: I'm in embedded systems, which is very different from FAANG.

The weird thing is I've gotten everything from no code to entry level to ultra-hard coding questions in FAANG-level interviews.

I also have a hunch I've gotten easier coding questions when an existing team member referred me to hiring for their own team.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#157

Post by sandeep1998 »

livearchivist wrote: post #103
Baeocystin wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You do it during work hours. Period. Your brain only has so many truly 'on' hours in a day, and it's already less than 8. Trying to burn even more in the pursuit of complex knowledge isn't just robbing Peter to pay Paul, it's eating the seed corn and wondering why your harvest failed. It's a scary thing to realize, and can be hard to stick with. But limits are real, and respecting them gets more work done in the long…

100% This is so important. I have a 3yo and wife, I currently work for a series-A startup - It's incredibly easy to do things out of hours, answer messages, train, lab things up, etc... But at the end of the day that is a part of my career. So except for when I'm traveling for work, I don't do a GD thing past 5pm, unless i choose to. When I choose to, it's likely because a lot of my team is in IST time zone rather th…

I am trying to move to a country where this is a reality... I just need a life outside of work (and some quiet and peace and fewer people around me all the time) I want to be able to sit down in the park, stroll around the neighbourhood, ride cycle, swim, cook, etc without the worry of job looming over my head all the time. I want to live for myself.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#159

Post by brainless »

Giving you a big hug.

I have been through really rough periods and as my health took a big toll, the only means I had to recovery was to move away from crazy startup life. Gradually I understood that, maybe, there is a better balance. I still want to learn, grow, solve problems, dream big.

Instead of making 3 year plans, I started making 10 year plans. I started taking care of my health, like it is the most important thing. I unplugged for a couple years, lived in cheap places to lower my financial burden.

Now I live in a small village, have built a work routine that has no deadlines and I am happy, very happy. I have a hostel I run here, I write software I love, I am planning a product. I just setup a camping spot, it is lush green around here, a slow and simple life (all shops close at 20:00 for example).

I sacrificed those magazine cover dreams but in return I got a wonderful life and I am building again, just at 0.5x speed. I hesitate to think about accelerators like YC. I know I will panic so much when it comes to all those metrics, money and everything else I cannot process anymore. But that is OK.

Re: Tell HN: Burnout is bad to your brain, take care

#160

Post by cleandreams »

dogbait wrote: post #108
cleandreams wrote: post #81

I got burned out with the combination of a high intensity job, care taking a dying spouse, and managing the decline and dementia of a parent. Both deaths occurred near each other. I had always been highly productive and successful but at a certain point I couldn't really focus anymore. My brain felt empty. I had trouble learning things. Luckily I had had one of those golden jobs in which I made a small fortune. I ret…

So sorry to hear you went through that heartache. I'm glad life (and of course your efforts) gave you some fortune. For me - going through burnout and depression, my brain felt almost like it would hit a wall any time I wanted to learn something new. At the time it felt like it was energy or sugar deprived. Took a month of no work and just relaxing, playing video games (I joke sometimes that Witcher 3 healed me) and…

Thanks. It's hard to connect to self-care when you are in a tech grind. You are expected to grind it out and I enjoyed that but at some point in my life that didn't work anymore. Taking even a month off can help. By the way I went back to work about 3 weeks after my spouse died. It wasn't the wrong thing to do. But a couple years after that I needed a real break.
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