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Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

jorgegalindo.me

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Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#151

Post by ThrowawayR2 »

BeetleB wrote: post #128
codelikeawolf wrote: post #59

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

I have to say: It's really annoying that some idiot who wrote a book in the 90's has resulted in everyone redefining "nice", when they should have invented a new word. As far as the English language goes, what you define as "kind" is also "nice".

The comment above and a recollection of the sub-title of Pratchett & Gaiman's Good Omens prompted me to look up the etymology of "nice" and it seems that it has had a surprising number of unrelated meanings: https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/nice-multiple-meani.... Maybe that's not the right word to object to regarding changes in its meaning.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#152

Post by dogleash »

baazaa wrote: post #77

If we tallied up all technical projects in the Western world that failed, how many would be failing due to lack of kindness versus, say, straight-forwards incompetence? Because 100% fall in the latter category in my experience. One of the problems with engineers counter-signalling engineering values (like actual technical competence) is that we live in a world where those values are extremely underrated while every m…

The article reads like kindness is only a correlated trait to what the author is actually trying to convey. To me this article is the same as any other basic "collaboration" explainer. I guess in cultures where a lot of external and internal pressure is put on exhibiting certain virtues, maybe framing it as kindness can override whatever other goals have made someone forget how to collaborate.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#153

Post by vijucat »

Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though:

> In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here.

Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with the tease that "but it fits perfectly here". Very puzzling, to say the least. Google Translate tells me "Master Niendre: He knows everything, but he understands nothing". Now I'm even more confused. That is so pithy and unambiguous that I really have to ask: what is it about the Spanish version that "loses its punch" when translated to English?!

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#154

Post by derefr »

codelikeawolf wrote: post #59

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

Which of the two would say nothing in the public meeting to let you save face, but then would pull you aside for a "quick chat" afterward, and tell you your idea is bad then?

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#155

Post by globular-toast »

sidcool wrote: post #126
baazaa wrote: post #77

If we tallied up all technical projects in the Western world that failed, how many would be failing due to lack of kindness versus, say, straight-forwards incompetence? Because 100% fall in the latter category in my experience. One of the problems with engineers counter-signalling engineering values (like actual technical competence) is that we live in a world where those values are extremely underrated while every m…

It's possible to be technically competent and kind. They're not mutually exclusive traits. One doesn't even need to be kind. Just don't be an asshole.

The trouble is "asshole" is relative. As an engineer, I value disagreeable people. I want someone to tell me I'm wrong and disagree with me whenever appropriate. But to many HR types just the mere fact you're disagreeing and not blowing smoke up everyone's arse all the time makes you an asshole. People should also feel ok with calling out incompetence which, again, can make you seem like an asshole to some.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#156

Post by madeofpalk »

ttoinou wrote: post #88
madeofpalk wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People don't like working with jerks. I don't. It's hard to achieve business goals if no one wants to work with each other.

That’s your problem if you are offended too easily. They might not be jerks but you too sensible

Maybe, maybe not. We're talking about hypothetical examples here.

As the jerk, you might not think it is your fault, but it is your problem if you are the common thread between other people not wanting to engage with you to meet "business objectives".

Generally, I think it's useful to reflect on how your behaviour impacts the work of yourself and others around you. Even if you want to be as utilitarian as possible, work happens better around people who get on better with each other.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#157

Post by derefr »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #131
steveBK123 wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most companies don't run an Amazon style PIP program where you HAVE to cut X% annually on every team. Therefore, keeping around people who genuinely deserve firing is a drag on delivering. As a result it is always in your interest to get improvements out of your team members, whether by upskilling, role changing, hoping they leave on their own or worst case actually laying them off. I've worked in financial service t…

>Most companies don't run an Amazon style PIP program where you HAVE to cut X% annually on every team. I cannot comment on pervasiveness, but I thought the "fire bottom x%" (or stack ranking or yank and rank) strategy started on the east coast, with businesses like GE, hence it would not be a trait isolated to either coast. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitality_curve >The people in the middle aren't just "for when y…

It's still not most companies. But it's maybe the top N public companies — the ones that are all "headless" in corporate-vision terms, and so hire the same few management consultancies to tell them what to do.

Ignoring those few largest companies and focusing on the other 99% of businesses that don't hire management consultancies, this is definitely a "thing" with businesses on the west coast.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#159

Post by obiefernandez »

vijucat wrote: post #153

Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…

It hits better with the rhyme
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