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Letting go of the idea of keeping up

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Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#151

Post by bluefirebrand »

ggpsv wrote: post #113
resource_waste wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You have to mental gymnastics your way to happiness, rather than using your intrinsic desires. You also probably need to take a philosophical "Leap of Faith" at some point to justify your work. The obvious one is Solipsism, you basically must assume that other people have consciousness. Hope you aren't just a brain in the vat, and this worldly experience was all for you.

I reckon you're misunderstanding stoicism if you think of it as mental gymnastics. You're implying it is a practice of self-deceit or indulging in irrationality. Stoicism is largely about accepting things as they are and letting go of the illusion of control. This, if truly integrated in your outlook, is the opposite of mental gymnastics. Said otherwise, you'd have self-awareness to understand your predicament and cu…

> Would you consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy a practice of mental gymnastics?

I think it absolutely can be. A lot of negative circumstances can generate from outside ourselves and they can have massive negative effects on our mental health. Trying to use CBT to work on anxiety or depression that is caused from compounding external factors is a bit like self gaslighting

Situations like "I got into a car accident so my car is wrecked. I'm in hospital debt. I can't work because I'm still recovering from my injuries. I need a car for work and I cannot afford a new one. I'm struggling to survive and I'm depressed"

There would be limited avenues I think for CBT to effectively help here, because a lot of these problems are external and out of a person's control

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#152

Post by FalconSensei »

rdlw wrote: post #61
imgabe wrote: post #58

I think the Goodreads challenge is silly. Every year I set it to one book. I'm already beating it by 600%! Why create fake tasks to stress yourself out? Reading should be enjoyable, not a chore. And not all books are created equal. If you spend all year reading Remembrance of Things Past is that bad because you only read one book instead of reading 50 forgettable pop psychology business book of the month books? I don…

I create fake tasks to stress myself out and compel myself to do things that make me feel better in the long run. I don't use Goodreads but I've been trying to read 20-24 books this year (I'm on track for 20). Obviously word count can drastically change the difficulty of this, but I'm not worrying about it since I know what I'm reading—if I only end up with 15 in December, but one of them is War and Peace, I'll still…

> Knowing that I'm a week behind or whatever tells me that I've been focusing on things that don't make me as happy as reading books does, and I should make an effort to spend less of my day watching YouTube and more of it reading books (that's what I spent that time on, not reading Proust).

It's the same thing for me. I don't have any goal for books, but I look back and think "hey, last month I wasn't reading too much, why is that?"

This year I'm also interested in movies, so I set a goal to watch at least 4 per month. It's more to make sure I don't waste time on Youtube/TikTok/Social Media, and take the time to do things I enjoy more in the long run

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#153

Post by biff_brockly »

resource_waste wrote: post #90
NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

Thanks for starting the discussion. > Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of professional obligations (you'll fall behind to your professional peers) Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared. I have built my life around me with people that perform at those levels, so everyone from my wife to my best friends may disappear if I'm not perfor…

>If i'm not in the top 10% my wife and friends are going to leave me.

I hope this is sarcastic because it's comically neurotic. Like you're headed for a huge breakdown.

>look at nature: The best do what they can and the weak suffer. It is sad, but its reality.

Wanna know how I know you spend 0 time in nature?

I think you should start a garden. Get in touch with actual nature. You're going to have a breakdown when you realize you're not in the top 1% of all gardens, but once you start to see perennials refuse to accept they were put in the wrong spot year after year, maybe you'll chill out.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#154

Post by amonith »

svnt wrote: post #145
scotty79 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Excuse me, what the flask. You don't have a wife and friends then at all. You've built a non-profit organization, not a family. I think it's fairly common among top performers.

Agreed — people choose you because you’re shiny, and to the rest of the world it looks like a family, but watch what happens if you try to give up being shiny.

It's so so different where I live (Poland). It's still super common here to pair up in high school or university where you are basically still a bunch of nobodies and stay together through the fire and flames™ unless literal abuse is involved or the very basics of personality don't match. Material status or ambition is almost never a factor even among couples of top performers I know. We were kind of raised to expect various big changes in life. Career interest changes, economical downturns, wars. You just... cannot rely on such things at all so it doesn't make sense to care much about that.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#155

Post by didgetmaster »

resource_waste wrote: post #90
NalNezumi wrote: post #48

When I saw the title I thought the article would be about the dreadful stress of keeping up with new tech or research .. But it's about spare time reading? Granted the problem seems similar, but only because the author is in the field of reading (working in books related profession). I'm not sure how much it can be applied to just hobby reading. Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of profession…

Thanks for starting the discussion. > Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of professional obligations (you'll fall behind to your professional peers) Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared. I have built my life around me with people that perform at those levels, so everyone from my wife to my best friends may disappear if I'm not perfor…

It's fairly easy to get into the top 30% of something. Just showing up, paying attention, and putting in a little effort will often put you in the top third.

Getting into the top 10% requires a lot more effort and will likely require you to sacrifice other things so that you can focus on that one thing.

Unless the subject is something obscure where few people have interest; getting into the top 1% often requires complete dedication. Your life revolves around that one thing and you need superior talent.

Competition drives us to be better, but often those who find themselves in that 1% are questioning if it was really worth it. You can be completely happy further down the ladder.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#156

Post by causality0 »

roywiggins wrote: post #12
causality0 wrote: post #7

Every time Goodreads comes up on HN it sounds like a cross between Facebook and drug addiction. I am very glad that I care about as much about other peoples' opinions on the books I read as I do their opinions on my wanking technique.

One thing it's good for is when you read a book, hate it, and can find someone on Goodreads with a review that gripes about the exact same stuff you hated about it. Especially if the book in question is highly praised or award-winning. Do I need someone else to validate my hate-read of a book? No, but it scratches an itch.

Strange. Letting a bad book give me negative feelings a second time feels masochistic.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#157

Post by steviem »

theK wrote: post #20
steviem wrote: post #2

I read around 150 books a year. Most of it is what I like to call "shitlit", or alternatively inconsequential literature. This does not mean I am better or worse than anyone, just that my default state is reading. Friends eventually read books when recommended them and we talk about then. Reading shouldnt be a target, it should be for enjoyment. I enjoy shitlit, but others may not.

How does this work? Is it a book every two days? Or three books on the weekend? How long is your commute and how do you keep off YouTube/Netflix in the evening?

I commute for 20 hours a week on public transport, so a lot gets done there. I also read every night as a way to wind down before bed. Sometimes I will read continuously on a weekend if the book/series is engaging enough and can finish a couple of thousand pages that way.

Honestly, its not a target it is just what happens when you read a lot - you get through books.

As for YouTube or Netflix, I dont really watch that much and can't really understand how people spend that much time on them. Given that though, I read instead and lots of people dont understand that. Each to their own, happiness is different for everyone etc

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#158

Post by steviem »

throwaway2037 wrote: post #37
steviem wrote: post #2

I read around 150 books a year. Most of it is what I like to call "shitlit", or alternatively inconsequential literature. This does not mean I am better or worse than anyone, just that my default state is reading. Friends eventually read books when recommended them and we talk about then. Reading shouldnt be a target, it should be for enjoyment. I enjoy shitlit, but others may not.

Do you blog or keep a list? I would be nice to see what you read. I tend to only read fiction written by women. (I read enough non-fiction via the Financial Times newspaper.) As a man, it is really eye-opening to "see the other (emotional) side". Usually, the stories are much more about character development, than trying to save the world ("do something big") that I often see in fiction written by men.

I have most of it on my kindle so there is a purchase history there.

Recently its been a lot of LitRPG stuff. Dungeon Crawler Carl, The Primal Hunter and so on. I also read most of the Hugo and Nebula lists too. Lots of SciFi in the past couple of years.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#159

Post by steviem »

Novosell wrote: post #59
harrisi wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When you get in the habit of reading, it's remarkable how quickly you can do it. It's quite easy to read a book in a day when you read every day.

If you read short books of low complexity, aye. We need to start talking page count. Aint nobody reading 3 Robin Hobb books a week all year long.

Again, this isn't a measuring contest but I will point out that you could read that much given you wanted to. Life is tradeoffs after all.

Re: Letting go of the idea of keeping up

#160

Post by SunghoYahng »

bradley13 wrote: post #125
resource_waste wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for starting the discussion. > Stress of keeping up with tech/research comes from a sense of professional obligations (you'll fall behind to your professional peers) Okay, I'm literally terrified about not being in the top 1% or top 10% of everything I do. Scared. I have built my life around me with people that perform at those levels, so everyone from my wife to my best friends may disappear if I'm not perfor…

Back when Bell Labs was a top research institute, some researcher gave an interview. He noted that he was top of his class in high school. Way up there in college. Pretty good in grad school. Then he was hired at Bell Labs, where he was at best average. Man, he just got dumber and dumber as time went on. He said it with a smile, but still, there's a hard kernel of truth there for many of us: if we work hard to advanc…

It seems like you're suggesting that people should return to their hometowns and spend the rest of their lives fishing leisurely. While that might be a good option for some, it may not be the option for many regardless of their financial status.
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