151–160 of 206 posts
Glad to see this article. It reminds me of a tech lead I once had: very skilled engineer, great guy (we still hang out now, long after I left that job), but we communicated differently. I come from a background where people think they're being subtle if they don't grab the front of your shirt when they're talking. His background must have been very different: we had a problem on a number of occasions where he would a…
Glad to see this article. It reminds me of a tech lead I once had: very skilled engineer, great guy (we still hang out now, long after I left that job), but we communicated differently. I come from a background where people think they're being subtle if they don't grab the front of your shirt when they're talking. His background must have been very different: we had a problem on a number of occasions where he would a…
Common sense is one thing, as we don't necessarily want to have to spell everything out (and even here, there generally exists a space of reasonable difference of opinion and approach, and mutual familiarity also breeds implicit context), but it is uncharitable to put people into a position where they must constantly strain their minds to try to determine what you need, only to punish them for failing to meet your preciously specific and indeterminate expectations. This can quickly become abusive, not to mention annoying.
To wit:
Make definite assertions. Avoid tame, colorless, hesitating, non-committal language. (Rule 12, William Strunk, Jr.)
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. (Matthew 5:37)Glad to see this article. It reminds me of a tech lead I once had: very skilled engineer, great guy (we still hang out now, long after I left that job), but we communicated differently. I come from a background where people think they're being subtle if they don't grab the front of your shirt when they're talking. His background must have been very different: we had a problem on a number of occasions where he would a…
This isn't foreplay. No one has time to read the tea leaves of someone else's "subtleties" and murky language. It's a waste of time and cognitive effort. Directness is a virtue. By directness, of course, I mean clear language that is to the point, not aggressive and disrespectful imposition. If you need something, then that's what you should say. The answer should likewise be direct. Yeses and noes, and because. Comm…
Since this tech lead and I are both (relatively) mature adults, eventually I simply told him he needed to be more direct with me if he wanted me to understand him, he said that he was not entirely comfortable with that but he would try, and we got by well enough after that.
Anybody who says 'I need you to...' goes on the list, even if they are not actually talking to me myself. But more seriously: Ensure people know what and why something is important, ideally by arriving at that conclusion jointly and as part of an overarching plan that everyone can feel involved in - thus requests shouldn't be a surprise, they aren't coming from you so much as from the plan (nebulous though it may be)…
As often happens on HN, a comment worth more than the article. A concise and deep set of rules!
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I disagree. No matter how much trust there is I accept nobody to tell me "I need you to do ..." or some other direct variant. Fortunately I encountered few bad bosses like this.
This is honestly fascinating to me, so I ask these questions in a curious and honest attempt to understand you more. Do you know why you feel this way? How does it make you feel when somebody says that? Does this stay true even for a significant other? Meta: I upvoted because this is a legitimate perspective and one I think that needs to be shared. For the down voters, why would you down vote this? Is there a reason…
So the social interaction is you come up to me and are deliberately hostile and then order me to do something. That's what you do to an employee you dislike and wish would quit.
Obviously I'm capable of understanding different people communicate differently, and I can deal, but that's always the initial reaction I'm going to have.
In my experience, the disconnect in this thread comes from three things:
1. Different cultures. What's rude in California might not be in Finland.
2. Autistic people vs neurotypical. Autistic people don't see the underlying message of (I hate you, please quit) underlying the surface "Do this" conversation.
And they (understandingly!) feel excluded and gaslit and frustrated. The solution there is for everyone to understand and work around the disconnect.
3. Antisocial HN nerds. There's always a few here who clearly don't care about other people and view them as things to be used and discarded. Other people aren't worth any effort.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
The biggest thing I hate is the attitude that work is something you're supposed to be passionate about. I'm passionate about having a roof over my head, not coding CRUD apps.
Legislating another person's emotions is entirely intrusive, invasive, and overbearing, and frankly, psychotic. It would be nice if companies stopped using the word "passionate" in job postings. It's creepy and weird and makes them look like they're not serious about their work.
...well, that explains its popularity in the corporate world then. rimshot
The best boss I had either said: Can You help me out by...x Justification, then command...x The room is really messy, can you...x Please do this...
I really agree with the Cialdini's method of giving justifications for requests. It works very well for me personally
Glad to see this article. It reminds me of a tech lead I once had: very skilled engineer, great guy (we still hang out now, long after I left that job), but we communicated differently. I come from a background where people think they're being subtle if they don't grab the front of your shirt when they're talking. His background must have been very different: we had a problem on a number of occasions where he would a…
This isn't foreplay. No one has time to read the tea leaves of someone else's "subtleties" and murky language. It's a waste of time and cognitive effort. Directness is a virtue. By directness, of course, I mean clear language that is to the point, not aggressive and disrespectful imposition. If you need something, then that's what you should say. The answer should likewise be direct. Yeses and noes, and because. Comm…
1. Give some context. Not a novel. But some understanding of why. Then be direct.
2. Don’t all the sudden start insulting them when you ask them to do something. I know, sounds easy, but there are a lot of personalities out there.
Good tech leaders generally don’t command: they inspire. And when you’re at the point where you’re trying to figure out the “right way to say things” you’ve already, utterly, failed. Good tech leaders influence, guide, and grow people. They are honest and authentic . The management style I have seen work the best is when people act in a real, genuine and sincere ways that are true to who they are as individuals and a…
> Good tech leaders generally don’t command: they inspire. Ding ding ding! You win the prize. The way I always put this to people is that "if dictating worked, there'd be a lot more dictators in the world." > Good tech leaders influence, guide, and grow people. They are honest and authentic. > The management style I have seen work the best is when people act in a real, genuine and sincere ways that are true to who th…
Eventually the situation got escalated up the chain and the director came to our site to look into the situation. I was hopeful that that would lead to some improvements but when he was introduced to the team and gave a little speech it basically boiled down to "back in my day engineers would get their hands dirty and figure things out, maybe as a company we've become too lazy and expect other teams to fix things for us" - i.e. "you guys need to stop being lazy and figure it out yourselves". We were pissed. Fortunately the management chain was able to get him to understand the situation and he assigned one of the main devops guys to work with us to make sure our needs were met going forward. He never even apologized to us, I think he just decided it would be better to disappear and let things settle (we worked in a satellite city and he was at the main office so this was the only time many of us had ever interacted with him).