Earlier quoted context omitted.
What line of work are you in that you've "written far too many JSON parsers already" in your career?!!!
Probably anywhere that requires parsing large JSON documents. Off the shelf JSON parsers are notoriously slow on large JSON documents.
How big is 'large' here?
I built a simple CRUD inventory program to keep track of one's gaming backlog and progress, and the dumped JSON of my entire 500+ game statuses is under 60kB and can be imported in under a second on decade-old hardware.
I'm having difficulty picturing a JSON dataset big enough to slow down modern hardware. Maybe Gentoo's portage tree if it were JSON encoded?