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Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

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Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#151

Post by anonkogudhyfhhf »

r_singh wrote: post #109

Is it easier in India? I have to actively avoid getting invites from people and feel bad when I refuse. I’m a native and if I travel to a new city I can make friends in a jiffy. I’m a 28 yo male and still not choosing to commit to marriage and this argument about finding friends later scares me at times. Is it really true? Does the depth of connection vary? I also was in Germany about half the year in 22 and for sure…

Seems harder to make friends in developed countries. Not sure why that is. Maybe people can be more independent

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#152

Post by doktorhladnjak »

BiteCode_dev wrote: post #118

Adults don't want to behave like they used to behave as kids. They don't want to spontaneously talk randomly about something to an unknown person, because that comes with risks like rejection, looking like a fool, being labelled in a certain way, associating with somebody boring/annoying/leeching, etc. Kids takes way more risks, including social risks, because they don't know those are risks. I guarantee that if you…

> Kids takes way more risks, including social risks, because they don't know those are risks.

> Kids do that all the times, without even thinking about it.

> But the process is seamless to kids, while it requires effort to adults.

Clearly your childhood was nothing like mine or that of a lot of other people here.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#153

Post by thimkerbell »

silisili wrote: post #74
tastysandwich wrote: post #47

I'm talkative, outgoing and pretty funny in real life. I think I can say that people generally enjoy my company. But I only have about three friends, and I see them maybe four times a year. I really get along with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. My wife thinks I should make more friends. But the truth is (and I suspect this is pretty common with HN'ers), I don't want more friends! Because in addition to…

Same sentiment exactly. Not to sound rude, but I don't -want- more friends, and it feels bad rejecting people who reach out. I already feel like there aren't enough hours in a day, and selfishly want to hoard my time to myself. My wife and I are polar opposites in that regard. She can never seem to have enough friends, and they talk often. I think one big difference is how people are with nothingness. Because no matt…

You could put the people who reach out into contact with one another, since obviously they have excellent taste.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#154

Post by legerdemain »

andrewfong wrote: post #132
legerdemain wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I challenge you to find this in Mountain View, California.

Seems to be a thing: https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/

Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long.

I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#155

Post by watwut »

sublinear wrote: post #14

> continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability So... become a regular at local restaurants, random coffee shops, bars, clubs, farmer's markets, parks, hiking trails, start a band, volunteer somewhere, join a gym, travel, etc. In other words, get out more?

There are not "get to know people" places, at least in places where I lived. You go to restaurant with people you already know, you dont just walk to table with someone you dont know to talk. Same with: random coffee shops, bars, clubs, hiking trails, farmer's markets and gym.

Parks are an exception ... if you have toddler with you.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#158

Post by legerdemain »

usrusr wrote: post #147
legerdemain wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's 1.5 to 2 couples. I haven't had a lot of single coworkers who also do brunch instead of, say, DOTA.

Is "couples" the reason? I (implicitly, no idea why now that you bring it up) read the other descriptions of weeklies as not-with-partner events. Perhaps not strictly not-with-partner, but default without. "Couples" puts everybody in involuntary performance mode. It starts super harmless, the "and" element (the side in a couple that came along) having a natural desire to be good with the friends of their partner (the…

Yeah, maybe. I never discovered the secret of sending invitations that radiated "please don't bring your partner." Brunch is, after all, an activity for mostly women and couples.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#159

Post by thimkerbell »

nprateem wrote: post #104

I'll throw this out there since I've got plenty of other ideas and I just want this to exist. What if there was a platform where people met in a bar in real life then chose a group to meet up with weekly for the next say 4 weeks and did different activities from a preset menu or something? Since friends are made through repeated interactions and bond more around activities than just eg hanging out, I'd hope this woul…

There's a saying that women make friends face to face, while men make friends shoulder to shoulder. So maybe the activities could get tailored accordingly.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#160

Post by honest_george »

BiteCode_dev wrote: post #118

Adults don't want to behave like they used to behave as kids. They don't want to spontaneously talk randomly about something to an unknown person, because that comes with risks like rejection, looking like a fool, being labelled in a certain way, associating with somebody boring/annoying/leeching, etc. Kids takes way more risks, including social risks, because they don't know those are risks. I guarantee that if you…

> Adults don't want to behave like they used to behave as kids. > They don't want to spontaneously talk randomly about something to an unknown person, because that comes with risks like rejection, looking like a fool, being labelled in a certain way, associating with somebody boring/annoying/leeching, etc.

> Kids takes way more risks, including social risks, because they don't know those are risks.

It sounds like I never was a kid.

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