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Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#151

Having nothing to do at work is its own form of torture. If you have to be available and connected, or much worse - physically in the office, for the full normal work day, it is torture. Once you've gone through the ceremony of getting ready for work, commuting, and being the building.. you might as well have something to do. Another a second form of torture in this category is being treated like your app/role is bei…

> Having nothing to do at work is its own form of torture. If you have to be available and connected, or much worse - physically in the office, for the full normal work day, it is torture. Once you've gone through the ceremony of getting ready for work, commuting, and being the building.. you might as well have something to do.

This is 100% true. And the main reason is probably the fact you can never really focus on anything here.

You've got no 'official' work, so that can't use up your time. But you also can't go off and do something you'd want to do either, since there's always the nagging feeling of "what if something actually does come through, and I've got to be ready to handle it?"

So you just sit there wondering what to do, and probably end up either pointlessly scrolling through social media, or getting into whatever random unhealthy habit you're otherwise prone to (drink, drugs, too many snacks, etc).

It also likely does a lot of damage to your ability to focus on difficult tasks for a long period of time afterwards, since you're not entirely used to be able to spend hours on a single thing.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#153
post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Illegitimi non carborundum” means roughly “Don't let the bastards grind you down”.

Also "Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum" as seen in The Handmaid's Tale .

Sounds more cognate with English

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#154
post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

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I just went through a a devastating break up and the pain was so intense I finally had the motivation to find a therapist and actually show up to an appointment. I've never done therapy before. No one's gonna help you until you help yourself. If you desperately want help you'd actually find some. Otherwise all I'm seeing is excuses.

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Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just went through a a devastating break up and the pain was so intense I finally had the motivation to find a therapist and actually show up to an appointment. I've never done therapy before. No one's gonna help you until you help yourself. If you desperately want help you'd actually find some. Otherwise all I'm seeing is excuses.

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Honestly based on this comment you clearly need therapy. You're making a toooon of assumptions about me without knowing anything about me. Literally talking like my actually mentally ill ex. Dismissing my trauma while playing up your own. You're probably not even self aware of your own issues.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#156
Man, to stumble upon this, at this time in my life, of all times.

I literally just sent an email to HR, talking about how my new boss is horrible - I've only had him for 2 months and now I'm home on sick leave from stress.

I'm hoping he gets the boot - still in his trial period, even! But truth be told, the experience burned me so much that I think I'll just leave for something different.

I can definitely relate to having the mental snot beat out of you. I began to doubt my own skills, because I basically haven't been allowed to do anything technical since late November.

Yesterday, I had an interview with the CTO of a super exciting, fast growing company with an awesome product. The interview was scheduled for 1 hour, but we went 2.5 hours because there was just so much interesting stuff to talk about. I felt like I was myself again. I still got it baby!

What I guess I'm saying is, I can relate, it's fucking tough, and it's fucking awesome that you've moved on! Congratulations. Now make sure you heal.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

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Honestly based on this comment you clearly need therapy. You're making a toooon of assumptions about me without knowing anything about me. Literally talking like my actually mentally ill ex. Dismissing my trauma while playing up your own. You're probably not even self aware of your own issues.

[deleted]

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess it's all relative. To be honest, I would be over the moon to never "work" again. Don't wanna be needed, don't wanna have to report to anyone, don't wanna be part of a pyramid scheme earning some CEO or founder 50% of company payroll. I could very happily set and achieve little goals for the rest of my life -- in video games, education, little creative pursuits, and hobbies -- and never once look back. Really…

It's still company time. You don't get to play video games. The draining part is pretending to work. It's not like you get a private office and nobody ever sees you. You have to go the weekly meetings and tell them about how much you worked on X which you didn't. If you could convince the company to make you a part of a mini skunkworks team with the freedom to do anything as long as it benefits the company then I don…

> mini skunkworks team with the freedom to do anything as long as it benefits the company

This is my lived reality right now. It's not necessarily super fun in the long run. It can get draining to work on new thing after new thing, only for it to get shut down because it doesn't _quite_ fit the company strategy or they can't find anywhere internally to anchor it.

Plenty of good ideas have died that way.

That said, I think it also heavily depends on the company. If the work you're doing is directly feeding into the development pipeline, it sounds like fucking heaven. Mine, however, is not.

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#159
Try and reframe the experience as the price paid for learning this valuable lesson. Sharing this as you have done may help others avoid making the same mistake which is another positive you can take. It will take time, but if you can reframe in this way, you'll be able to deaden or eliminate the resentment and you will grow back wiser and with a stronger sense of self-confidence than you had prior.

There is a story about two buddhist monks who were captured and imprisoned by an invading army. Eventually, after ten years, they were released and went their separate ways. Ten years later they bumped into each other again. "How are you finding freedom?” said the first monk. “Wonderful” said the other, “But I’ll never forgive those bastards who took us”. The first monk replied, “I am sorry to hear you are still imprisoned.”

Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave

#160
There is an apt metaphor for this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog

I learnt it long ago and watch for it now, after I had a similar experience but not conditions, just low salary.

After years of low pay, my last job gave me a 20% increase (which was substantially better than previous positions), and my current job gave me a 60% increase on top of that, because according to the technical test I did, I was actually one of the most capable developers they'd interviewed and gave me the maximum salary for the position, not the value I'd requested (which was about $15K less).

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