151–160 of 350 posts
It'll get better - but go get a job, right now, it'll make you feel much better.
Self-driven learning is good (essential, I'd argue), but paying money to learn is a good motivator too. It'll get you (OP) out of the house, meeting people, and challenge you in fields you might not otherwise explore. Some important concepts are easier to grok with a good instructor. (Algorithms comes to mind.)
There's the side benefit that being a student opens you up to federal grants and loans (in the U.S.). Don't go overboard with the debt (I'd suggest not more than a year or so of borrowing), but it can help get you out of a bad place. Many universities also have student jobs, so finding work in that environment might be a little easier than otherwise. They also have career centers that will help polish a resume and refine interview skills.
Figure out what you love to do. Look for a job where you get to do it. In the mean time, any job will do.
Lastly, as others have said here, you're a more than competent writer. If you enjoy doing it, maybe you've a career option there. In the meantime, keep a journal. Not only is the process cathartic, it forces you to be reflective.
I'm surprised how many people here aren't suggesting more formal education. Only about one-third of Americans have a college degree. Getting one will set you apart. I think the tech field is a bit unique in its disdain for formal education—but throughout your career you're likely work with people for which it matters. Self-driven learning is good (essential, I'd argue), but paying money to learn is a good motivator t…
You've already done the hard part. You've redefined yourself as someone who works for himself. Taking a job to keep going doesn't change that - it reenforces it.
Just keep doing good work and treating your clients well. You'll get more; it will snowball. It just builds really slowly at first.
Please drop me a line anytime - george@illuminatikarate.com. We're a small group and we need to stick together.
It might sound snarky to NHers - but I'd suggest staying away from Hacker News too: the get-rich-quick stories have a habit of getting under your skin and making everything sound easy. But striking gold with your startup is like becoming a rockstar - you only see the rockstars, not the zillions of failures. Though, don't forget that failing is fantastic (and painful): it means that you're trying to do something chall…
This may be good advice, but I think the more general form is even better advice: Don't rely on the internet for hanging out.
Make contact with real people in real life, whether or not they are hackers. You are human, you need human contact. That's a big part of the definition of what it means to be human: We're one of the most social creatures on Earth; we're designed for communication.
Depression is real. And trying to be a solo freelancer in your basement is a form of solitary confinement, and that is bad for your health.
At the very least, get ye to a coffee shop or a library on a daily basis!
Also, because every comment in this thread should really include a citation of jgrahamc: Find counseling. Seek advice. You can't think yourself out of depression. It's not like solving a puzzle.
I was working a lot throughout college and even high school when I had my own website generating income. Looking back, I wish I had enjoyed life a lot more rather than focus on money.
Get some part time job to keep you afloat.
Go back to school, enjoy being a 20 year old. You will be amazed at how many opportunities that just land in your lap while at school, interacting with your fellow classmates. Join clubs or anything where there are people around.
So, here's my story; I tell it occasionally when stories like yours come up. I had no college experience, but did manage to jump right in to a good I.T. job while I was still in high school, and from there into an even better I.T. job in another state where I made more money than I knew what to do with. (I've never been good with money, and didn't understand what "savings" meant.) I worked there until suddenly one da…
"So, if your friends are giving you a hard time, tell 'em to knock it the hell off. Or find new friends." This. OP: Sounds like your friends are a little insecure or uncomfortable around risk takers like yourself. They're not cut from the same cloth. Truth is, most people in our society aren't. They're play-it-safe types, and to them, stepping outside the lines is tantamount to insanity. Many of these folks will take…
Not saying it to bring OP down but get a job, any job. Get out of that house.
You're twenty years old. Maybe quitting your job was a bad move, maybe it was a good move that you just can't see the bright side of yet, but in any event you've got plenty of time to figure out what to do.
And, bonus, you know what financial hardship is like. I know a lot of folks that won't take big risks because they're afraid of losing their savings. Not a problem for you, it happened once and you know you can survive it.
You are not alone.
I did quit my full-time job. So did I. Many times. About half the time it worked out great. The other half, it sucked, just like yours does now. You are not alone. I'm constantly broke, on the verge of poverty... Then get a job, any job. It doesn't have to be programming. It'll get you out of the house, get you with other people, and put a few bucks in your pocket. If you love programming enough, you'll find time to…
I only want to add that you are welcome to contact me (I'm a pastor and a programmer :-) if you need more help with the depression and suicidal thoughts. My contact information is in my profile.
My startup is a church congregation ... which in some ways is nothing like a technology startup, but in other ways is very similar. So I understand everything you wrote.